*sigh* Unsuitable Parenting (slight rant)
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Russian Doll
- A selfsufficientish Regular
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- Joined: Fri Aug 17, 2007 8:55 pm
The baby's mother may be suffering from PND but his father isn't so why isn't he doing more for the child. Also when I had PND the last thing I wanted to do was to go out anywhere or get dressed or anything but I do realise that a much younger woman (I was 30 when I had my first) could react to PND in a different way.
Jake and the new baby when it arrives are lucky to have you. In some ways I wonder if your SIL is finding it too easy to hand over responsibility because she knows that her big brother who has done so much for her already will take over, one part of me says that maybe she should be made to cope(with medical help for any PND) but the bigger part would not be willing to take the risk, especially with a child so young.
Don't let this mean you don't have enough time or money to have your own kids though which is something that could be happen in a situation like this.
Susan
Jake and the new baby when it arrives are lucky to have you. In some ways I wonder if your SIL is finding it too easy to hand over responsibility because she knows that her big brother who has done so much for her already will take over, one part of me says that maybe she should be made to cope(with medical help for any PND) but the bigger part would not be willing to take the risk, especially with a child so young.
Don't let this mean you don't have enough time or money to have your own kids though which is something that could be happen in a situation like this.
Susan
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Masco&Bongo
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She has seen her GP re the PND. He didn't want to put her on any form of anti-depressants, but has referred her for counselling.
Sadly, although she was referred last year, her first appointment is in April 08....
Sadly, although she was referred last year, her first appointment is in April 08....
"Its not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you" - Bruce Wayne
Blog: http://mistressofmeals.blogspot.com/
Blog: http://mistressofmeals.blogspot.com/
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Mydreamlife
- Barbara Good
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AAAHHHHHH 
It makes me soooooooo cross. Sorry for being opinionated!!! I just can't bear it...
I had my 1st 'surprise' baby Madlin when I was 17 yrs old. We had nothing, both lived at home with parents. I suffered with servier Manic depression and my partners family are about as stuck up as they come!!
We know our situation was our responsibility and made the decision to make it right.
We both moved out telling our parents nothing about the baby untill we were settled and both had jobs. We then were able to tell them and show them we were going to do this together and to the best of our abilities. It was VERY hard. We rented a 1 bed flat and brough in £800 pounds between us. Then a month before our baby was due Nick lost his job and I was signed off as my back was suffering. We made do and nick did what ever he could.
We have struggled on like this for 5 years now. But have taken huge steps due to our own determination! We now have three beautiful little girls who make our lives mor fulfilling than I ever believed possible.
we have never had any help from the state and have often wondered what will happen to us. However, all three of our children are clean, happy, well ajusted individuals who I hope will grow up to become exceptionl members of society.
I am sorry for ranting, I am sat here crying my eyes out, I can't stand people making excuses when it comes to their children. I know it is not the fault of any one on this forum but I just needed to vent!
Thankyou for reading my grumbles Claire
It makes me soooooooo cross. Sorry for being opinionated!!! I just can't bear it...
I had my 1st 'surprise' baby Madlin when I was 17 yrs old. We had nothing, both lived at home with parents. I suffered with servier Manic depression and my partners family are about as stuck up as they come!!
We know our situation was our responsibility and made the decision to make it right.
We both moved out telling our parents nothing about the baby untill we were settled and both had jobs. We then were able to tell them and show them we were going to do this together and to the best of our abilities. It was VERY hard. We rented a 1 bed flat and brough in £800 pounds between us. Then a month before our baby was due Nick lost his job and I was signed off as my back was suffering. We made do and nick did what ever he could.
We have struggled on like this for 5 years now. But have taken huge steps due to our own determination! We now have three beautiful little girls who make our lives mor fulfilling than I ever believed possible.
we have never had any help from the state and have often wondered what will happen to us. However, all three of our children are clean, happy, well ajusted individuals who I hope will grow up to become exceptionl members of society.
I am sorry for ranting, I am sat here crying my eyes out, I can't stand people making excuses when it comes to their children. I know it is not the fault of any one on this forum but I just needed to vent!
Thankyou for reading my grumbles Claire
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Mydreamlife
- Barbara Good
- Posts: 137
- Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2008 10:23 pm
- Location: Somerset
AAAHHHHHH
It makes me soooooooo cross. Sorry for being opinionated!!! I just can't bear it...
I had my 1st 'surprise' baby Madlin when I was 17 yrs old. We had nothing, both lived at home with parents. I suffered with servier Manic depression and my partners family are about as stuck up as they come!!
We know our situation was our responsibility and made the decision to make it right.
We both moved out telling our parents nothing about the baby untill we were settled and both had jobs. We then were able to tell them and show them we were going to do this together and to the best of our abilities. It was VERY hard. We rented a 1 bed flat and brough in £800 pounds between us. Then a month before our baby was due Nick lost his job and I was signed off as my back was suffering. We made do and nick did what ever he could.
We have struggled on like this for 5 years now. But have taken huge steps due to our own determination! We now have three beautiful little girls who make our lives mor fulfilling than I ever believed possible.
we have never had any help from the state and have often wondered what will happen to us. However, all three of our children are clean, happy, well ajusted individuals who I hope will grow up to become exceptionl members of society.
I am sorry for ranting, I am sat here crying my eyes out, I can't stand people making excuses when it comes to their children. I know it is not the fault of any one on this forum but I just needed to vent!
Thankyou for reading my grumbles Claire
It makes me soooooooo cross. Sorry for being opinionated!!! I just can't bear it...
I had my 1st 'surprise' baby Madlin when I was 17 yrs old. We had nothing, both lived at home with parents. I suffered with servier Manic depression and my partners family are about as stuck up as they come!!
We know our situation was our responsibility and made the decision to make it right.
We both moved out telling our parents nothing about the baby untill we were settled and both had jobs. We then were able to tell them and show them we were going to do this together and to the best of our abilities. It was VERY hard. We rented a 1 bed flat and brough in £800 pounds between us. Then a month before our baby was due Nick lost his job and I was signed off as my back was suffering. We made do and nick did what ever he could.
We have struggled on like this for 5 years now. But have taken huge steps due to our own determination! We now have three beautiful little girls who make our lives mor fulfilling than I ever believed possible.
we have never had any help from the state and have often wondered what will happen to us. However, all three of our children are clean, happy, well ajusted individuals who I hope will grow up to become exceptionl members of society.
I am sorry for ranting, I am sat here crying my eyes out, I can't stand people making excuses when it comes to their children. I know it is not the fault of any one on this forum but I just needed to vent!
Thankyou for reading my grumbles Claire
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Mydreamlife
- Barbara Good
- Posts: 137
- Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2008 10:23 pm
- Location: Somerset
Feel I really should add a congratulation to the lady who is taking care of this little baby. Well done you, we all need to know there is someone who lways puts us first and it sounds like you are fulfilly this position with an amazing skill. I really hope my last post didn't offend you, I was really upset when I read your post and just started writting in my 'state'
Well done you.
Well done you.
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ina
- A selfsufficientish Regular
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- Joined: Sun May 22, 2005 9:16 pm
- Location: Kincardineshire, Scotland
And well done you, Claire. And rant ahead. I think there aren't that many people around like you - who are so determined to get it right, and make things happen, and take responsibility... The world would be a better place if there were!Mydreamlife wrote: Well done you.
Ina
I'm a size 10, really; I wear a 20 for comfort. (Gina Yashere)
I'm a size 10, really; I wear a 20 for comfort. (Gina Yashere)
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Mydreamlife
- Barbara Good
- Posts: 137
- Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2008 10:23 pm
- Location: Somerset
Now crying for second time today... thankyou for your kind reply, I was really worried I would be bannished, I just have a very determined personality! and don't hear no or can't!
Thankyou again!!!
Thankyou again!!!
Behind every sucessful man is an fantastic woman!
Not sure who first said it or exact words but so very true!!
Not sure who first said it or exact words but so very true!!
It COULD be due to the PND. I have four children, have had PND severely twice, and Puerperal psychosis with the last child. I was hospitalised. Now, bear in mind that ordinarily I adore my children, I was trying to convince the mental health team to get them taken away from me - seriously! I wanted to put them into care!
That said, my then partner (now husband) was phenomenal. He left his job to take care of the kids whilst I was hospitalised, and did everything.....including walking 10 miles to the hospital and 10 miles back because we couldn't afford bus fare. He did this every day, and every day I told him I didn't want to see him, and I hated him.
PND, not as severe as Puerperal psychosis, but boy does it mess with your head.
I got quite, not neglectful, but lazy. I would have gotten rid of my kids every night if I could. I didn't, because I couldn't, but I resented the kids for that. Ordinarilly I cook from scratch. I couldn't face that, so they lived off cheapy chicken nuggets and chips, and the like. I stopped taking them out. Outside was a scary place. I stopped caring how clean they were.....bathtime was once a week. When I had PND, I had a very unsupportive husband, and he didn't give a monkeys as long as he didn't have to do anything.
Point I'm trying to make is that PND changes you completely. Your hormones are all over the place, and you feel detached from the world around you. I never called off christmas, but there have been points where I've felt like it of late (I'm Bipolar, and this last Christmas I was on a serious downer). If it wasn't for my very supportive husband I don't know where I'd be right now.
Seems to me the husband/boyfriend needs to pull his socks up too. She's pregnant, there's not much you can do about that. If you're committed, you could try teaching her how to cook - maybe she doesn't know how, or is overwhelmed by it. Rather than taking the little boy off her hands, do things together with them. It might help to motivate her. Walk with her to the park.....to a mum suffering PND, the park and people are scary things.
This is how I would deal with it, anyway, rather than giving her the free reign.
I would, if she wasn't pregnant, advise fish oil and B-vitamins. As I said earlier, I'm Bipolar, and whilst I'm on medication for that, I do far better with the supplements than without.
That said, my then partner (now husband) was phenomenal. He left his job to take care of the kids whilst I was hospitalised, and did everything.....including walking 10 miles to the hospital and 10 miles back because we couldn't afford bus fare. He did this every day, and every day I told him I didn't want to see him, and I hated him.
PND, not as severe as Puerperal psychosis, but boy does it mess with your head.
I got quite, not neglectful, but lazy. I would have gotten rid of my kids every night if I could. I didn't, because I couldn't, but I resented the kids for that. Ordinarilly I cook from scratch. I couldn't face that, so they lived off cheapy chicken nuggets and chips, and the like. I stopped taking them out. Outside was a scary place. I stopped caring how clean they were.....bathtime was once a week. When I had PND, I had a very unsupportive husband, and he didn't give a monkeys as long as he didn't have to do anything.
Point I'm trying to make is that PND changes you completely. Your hormones are all over the place, and you feel detached from the world around you. I never called off christmas, but there have been points where I've felt like it of late (I'm Bipolar, and this last Christmas I was on a serious downer). If it wasn't for my very supportive husband I don't know where I'd be right now.
Seems to me the husband/boyfriend needs to pull his socks up too. She's pregnant, there's not much you can do about that. If you're committed, you could try teaching her how to cook - maybe she doesn't know how, or is overwhelmed by it. Rather than taking the little boy off her hands, do things together with them. It might help to motivate her. Walk with her to the park.....to a mum suffering PND, the park and people are scary things.
This is how I would deal with it, anyway, rather than giving her the free reign.
I would, if she wasn't pregnant, advise fish oil and B-vitamins. As I said earlier, I'm Bipolar, and whilst I'm on medication for that, I do far better with the supplements than without.