after I had had ds1, I had to fill in one of those questionnaires "How do you feel when..." "Do you sometimes want to etc..." I ended up having to have counselling as a borderline PND case. Was I depressed. A little. Was it due to a new baby? No - my father had died a couple of months before, so I did feel like crying most days, and feel hopeless most days, but because I was missing a big part of my life having lived through an intense fortnight of the rapid decline of a great man to a lifeless shell. There wasn't a box to tick for that though.
With ds2, I was hip to it, but the questions are still ridiculous - "Do you feel that you are unable to cope?" Well honestly, yes, as with a toddler to look after having been shunted from little man of the house to big brother plus mummy unable to run around him coz she's been carved up, and it's just a big thing to have another body to look after, but the difference is, I know I have to get on with it, which isn't to say I don't believe in PND, it's just that I didn't have it!
Every member of my family has been on some form of medication for depression at some point in their lifes and my (nice) HV was quite worried about me...plus she had me talking about all the things that have happened in my life and the way I am treated by my own mother, I think we were both surprised when it seemed as though I was doing OK... mental health wise.
As for not telling people because you think they will take your baby away... I don't want to offend anyone here, and as someone who has not had PND I obviously cannot fully comprehend how your brain works... but, that is completely irrational, no-one takes your baby away because you are crying all the time, or can't cope, or get angry at every little thing, or don't want to get out of your bed, or see anyone for weeks... they won't take your child from you.
I have been told of the wards (the Southern, in Glasgow has one) for the serious cases (suicidal type), the cots are in the same room as Mums bed and they treat Mum with tiny there all the time, some mums and tots can be in for months... but they keep you together. It can make everything worse to seperate you, even if that's what Mum says she wants.
I hope people do seek help for mental health problems, it is important that we shed the stigma attached to them.
Ann Pan
"Some days you're the dog,
some days you're the lamp-post"
That's just the thing though, with PND - or certainly some forms of it. You can't differentiate between what is and what isn't 'rational thought'. For example, I was absolutely terrified of what could happen to Ellis - OK, it was sensible to move coffee-cups out of the way, lock cupboards, put up a stair-gate etc; but it very quickly got to the stage where I became completely neurotic.
I couldn't leave Ellis with anyone else, I couldn't leave the house because I was so scared that we'd be hit by a car, or a tree, or whatever. I'd check and recheck his room in case something might catch fire....car journies were just horrendous, I was so convinced that something bad would happen that I'd have panic-attacks the whole way. But the illness STOPS you recognising what is, and what isn't rational thought and you become neurotic and paranoid.
The HV used to come to the house, because I couldn't leave the house. Every time she weighed him, she would strip him completely. He was cruising the furniture at the time and was covered in bruises from little trips and falls, and I was convinced that she'd think I was harming him. Thinking about it now, it was obvious that the bruises were 'normal' and she must have seen things like that all the time. She did admit that yes, with depressed mums they DO check for injuries / odd marks or bruising on both baby and mum (in case of domestic abuse or self-harm). But, of course, when your mind is evilly twisting everything to make it horrific; you lose sight of the facts that mums and babies are not usually separated.
There have also been a couple of high-profile reports of SS removing, or planning to remove, a baby. As usual, the media only give us half the story, and that's the half that strikes fear into women who are not thinking rationally.
I took my dog to play frisbee. She was useless. I think I need a flatter dog.
I had a whole plan of how I was going to attach a label to soph's jacket with her name, jim's mobile number, my name and "sorry" written on it, and leave nappies milk etc under her buggy, and leave her on the station platform while I walked down the track a bit to just past where the train usually started slowing down, then I was going to jump. I didn't want anything to happen to her because I loved her so much.
This thought alone, this plan is what made me terrified of going out because I was scared I'd do it.
I was hearing voices, seeing things- as psychotic disorders run in my family I am still scared because I still get the voices and hallucinations from time to time- but I KNOW now it's not rational and they're not real. I didn't then.
another box ticked for the "pro" side of jim's vasectomy
oh how I love my tea, tea in the afternoon. I can't do without it, and I think I'll have another cup very
ve-he-he-he-heryyyyyyy soooooooooooon!!!!
that's really sad, but the fact that you protected yourself from doing this means that somewhere in your head is a rational thought process going on! You were providing for Soph as well, so your mothering instincts weren't at fault. It just happens that what you were protecting her from was a little out of the ordinary! You have got a cutie daughter and you seem to be hanging in there. My family are the "pull yourself together" attitude, as my mum and dad were older, wartime generation. Dh's parents were baby boomer "me" brigade so their family are a bit more prone to letting things get them down (except, curiously dh himself, who is unfazed by pretty much everything, which can be infuriating at times!)
You have got a cutie daughter and you seem to be hanging in there. My family are the "pull yourself together" attitude, as my mum and dad were older, wartime generation. Dh's parents were baby boomer "me" brigade so their family are a bit more prone to letting things get them down (except, curiously dh himself, who is unfazed by pretty much everything, which can be infuriating at times!)