A rant, AKA exs cant live with em cant kill em, seems unfair

[Green Aura]

Hi Sarah, sorry I missed all this before. I've seen how distressing all this can be.

Although I've no personal experience, I've spent many years with a friend whose husband's ex played very similar games with her child. My knowledge is a few years old though and I know these things get changed regularly.

Has this mediation service been suggested by the family court, or your ex's solicitor? I've not heard of paying for mediation.

My friend and her husband generally found the family court very fair, not always coming down on their side, but what they decided were in the best interests of the child. And they always asked his opinion.

I'm sure you've looked at all options but if you've not tried them it might be worth a go.

[Mr and Mrs luvpie]

Maggie, the mediation is the prefered route, courts like to see that you have tried to sort things out, the thing I don't like is even if things get agreed they are not legally binding and so give it a couple of years and yet again he will change his mind if he wants.

Having had an early night, and a morning at work to think about things I'm slightly less *&(*ed off about it all, the service is so reliable that the promised phone call today has not happened, so we are now just waiting to hear from them.

I sort of hope that things drag out as in 12 weeks time I leave work and will be on maternity allowance, therefore if we can drag our heals and not get to court before feb we will be entitled to legal aid. We know that we run the risk of the boys saying that they want to be with their dad more, and if that is what they want then that is what they will get, at least going to court they will be able to say what it is they want.

I hope he says the mediation can talk to them, but sort of know he won't, if you were demanding something that your kids didn't want to do, would you want to highlight their wishes???

Oh and he had been advised of a free mediation service, but he will get this one free as he will be getting legal aid, and as he was the one wanting to change things he picked the service. Yet again it pays to sit on your backside and not provide a roof over your kids head, surely the system is wrong there?

Oh RD I have no hangups about what happened in our past, I just don't want to be in a situation with him if it can be helped, I'm a far stronger person than I was then, so strong in fact that mrluvpie knows that there would never be a divorce and child custody battle with him, there would just be a sharp knife and a new patio Poop he just pointed out I can't afford a new patio, guess its the bookashi (sp?) bin for him instead.

Sarahx

[Russian Doll]

Maggie, the mediation is the prefered route, courts like to see that you have tried to sort things out, the thing I don't like is even if things get agreed they are not legally binding and so give it a couple of years and yet again he will change his mind if he wants.

Having had an early night, and a morning at work to think about things I'm slightly less *&(*ed off about it all, the service is so reliable that the promised phone call today has not happened, so we are now just waiting to hear from them.

I sort of hope that things drag out as in 12 weeks time I leave work and will be on maternity allowance, therefore if we can drag our heals and not get to court before feb we will be entitled to legal aid. We know that we run the risk of the boys saying that they want to be with their dad more, and if that is what they want then that is what they will get, at least going to court they will be able to say what it is they want.

I hope he says the mediation can talk to them, but sort of know he won't, if you were demanding something that your kids didn't want to do, would you want to highlight their wishes???

Oh and he had been advised of a free mediation service, but he will get this one free as he will be getting legal aid, and as he was the one wanting to change things he picked the service. Yet again it pays to sit on your backside and not provide a roof over your kids head, surely the system is wrong there?

Oh RD I have no hangups about what happened in our past, I just don't want to be in a situation with him if it can be helped, I'm a far stronger person than I was then, so strong in fact that mrluvpie knows that there would never be a divorce and child custody battle with him, there would just be a sharp knife and a new patio Poop he just pointed out I can't afford a new patio, guess its the bookashi (sp?) bin for him instead.

Sarahx

lol...that made me giggle....although a far cheaper option would be to push potato shoots up his arse plant him and watch as new plants flourish

[Mr and Mrs luvpie]

Oh I've just a phone call from my sister, when I told her orginally about the mediation and court option she said I should just let the ex have the kids when he wanted (regardless of their wishes) as I was just being difficult, we haven't spoken for nearly a month because of this, I bit my tounge from saying that I hoped she felt this way when her husband, whom she is seperated from started to play silly idiots over the child care that they have agreed. But today she called to ask how things were going, and ended the call with saying that I should refuse to go, and let him take me to court over it as then it would be done properly, she then said, but drag your heals as then your'll be on maternity leave and get legal aid so it won't cost you the vast amount that it would if we went to court now!

What a turn around, I hope that things are still friendly between her and her ex as being at logger heads is horrible, but I sort of get the feeling that he is starting to be silly and perhaps she has realised just how difficult these situations can be. Regardless of why or what it was so nice to hear her support me about it and actually be on my side for once!!

I think it's going to be a good week

[Mr and Mrs luvpie]

Ok having nad a number of sleepless nights and feeling sick with worry and all the stress (despite your best efforts maggie ) I finally decided that I was going to tell the mediator that I was unwilling to undertake this whilst pregnant as mine and my families well being came first. Yesterday I decided that, today I phoned them and cancelled my appointment and a weight was lifted immediately off my shoulders, I still have to word a letter to his solicitor, but that will happen sometime this weekend.

It will also be easier to word as when I got home from work I found a letter from the mediator stating that the ex had said he would not give permission for the kids to voice their wishes. Well that sums up what he thinks about what they say and want doesn't it, so the letter will contain numerous references to the childrens wishes and listening to the children I feel!!!

Sarahx

[red]

sounds like a good choice. last thing you need is stress now - this can be left some months before being taken up again.

and sounds like you can safely say mediation didn't work,. so tried that..failed.

[Graye]

It strikes me that mediation should be just that - trying to strike an equal balance so that both sides go away reasonably happy. What was happening here was that you were being cooperative and your ex wasn't. So I think the courts are the best place for this to be sorted. At least everyone can have a voice there (including your counsellor presumably) and you can say you tried mediation but it didn't work.

[Green Aura]

And your ex seems to be continually highlighting his best flaws

Look after yourself honey.

[Mr and Mrs luvpie]

And your ex seems to be continually highlighting his best flaws

Christ, we could be here for months if he starts doing that