Some very basic parenting questions...

[npsmama]

Scenario 1: going to a soft play area with your toddler and young baby

What do you do?
- Leave the baby in a carseat/pram while you surpervise your toddler
- stay with your baby while your toddler gets stuck in the equipment/yells for help

Scenario 2: going to the library story time session with your toddler and young baby. Baby is screaming bc he needs a bum change. Toddler refuses to go to the changing area with you. You can't scoop him up as you're holding your young baby. Baby screams if you stay at story time. Toddler screams and won't be made to come anyway if you persist with the bum-chaning expedition.
- errrr....what do you do??

Scenario 3: Both kids are asleep in the car and you need to go into a shop/office to pick something up. There's a parking space right infront of the place you need to go.
- lock the kids in the car and run out as fast as possible
- forget your errand
- wake both kids, get them into the pram and do your errand

Scenario4: you are out and about with your toddler.
- do you let him walk/toddle with you?
- or is s/he always in the stroller/sling/harness?



I should know the answers to these questions but I am a cr*p mother and don't. Please educate me.

[ina]

Reading this makes me glad I've never been a mother, and never will be!

Scenario 1 - I wouldn't go to a soft play area in the first place... I think they are hell for everybody over 5 or so.

But as to the rest, I'm stymied! My respect for all parents who manage with their kids without accidents/disasters/nervous breakdowns!

[Annpan]

Scenario 1 - I passed on a Mums and Toddlers group to a Soft Play Centre today... for just that reason (though I only have 1 child - 16 months) though if I needed to I would ask for another parent to give me a shout if the baby wakes, or is grumpy in the carseat and I would see that the toddler gets some attention.

Scenario 2 - There ought to be another Mum around who would be happy to supervise your toddler while you deal with your baby - In my experience a toddler who is being stroppy needs to be given time out/ ignored, it only takes a minute for them to calm down.

Scenario 3 - Sit in the car with the radio on or make sure you have a book with you for these occasions, chill out for 10 mins until your toddler wakes up - babies can often be moved without waking them... NEVER leave your child alone in a car... NEVER

Scenario 4 - Allow your toddler to walk, they need independance but keep reigns on them so that you can always grab them if they reach danger, or try to run away.


Take your time and calm down, you are not a bad mother. You asked a question, you care, that is proof that you are not a bad mother.

Every other parent has to make these tough decisions too, you are not alone, parenting isn't always easy.

Would you consider reading the 'contented toddler' book by Gina Ford - she gets alot of stick, but she was my saviour when nobody would give me advice. It covers alot of these tough issues and more, she is the queen of routine, so it might not suit your lifestyle, but if it is in the Library it is worth a go.

Once more - you are not a bad parent.

[Russian Doll]

awwwwwwwww hun your not a bad mum..ive got four of the blighters and im always making mistakes

no 1.. you can always find a willing mum to watch lo for a minute just make sure you ask a mum whos with lots of other mums

no2...i would change lo on my lap

no 3..sorry dont drive so cant help

no4 my 2 year old was kicked out of the buggy at two and three months..he walks everywhere

[npsmama]

thanks guys.

it 's so difficult to know what to do at times.

[Annpan]

We all deserve a wobble every now and then... there are always a few of us here to chat to... makes me feel better, just to know there are people out there going through the same things.

((((hugs all round))))

[QuakerBear]

I can help with dilema 2. I used to be a childrens librarian and ran story and rhyme times. Our official policy was that since story time was at a regular time each week and was well advertised it was alright for this time to be noisy. Oh, gotta go, more latter.

[Russian Doll]

thanks guys.

it 's so difficult to know what to do at times.

hun most of the time the best thing to do is wing it and if the kids are happy then you are happy

[Milims]

You are only a bad mother if your answer to any of the questions is "stay at home and drink gin!"
It's very hard being a mother and it's almost impossible to be a perfect one - so don't fret about it. You obviously try your best to consider your childrens every need - the thing is with kids you simply can't anticipate what will happen next - so chill out and go with the flow. So long as you don't carelessly put your child in a dangerous position you really can't go far wrong - and if something aweful is going to happen - it's going to happen and you are going to be there to pick up the pieces with the best of your love - 'cos that's what being a fabby mum is all about!
You have already shown your self to be a lovely mum by caring so much about this stuff enough to ask for help. So have a hug and go for it gal!

[citizentwiglet]

Yay! I agree completely. Sounds like you're doing a marvellous job. The wee blighters don't come with instruction manuals, do they?

Soft Play - I have to be heavily sedated before entering soft-play areas, and I've only got the one sprog (who is, admittedly, something of a dare-devil). I've found that if you go early in the day before the older children are out of school it is often much quieter - it is easier to stand next to the soft-play with the baby without having to worry about someone tripping over the carseat. It's also much easier to start up a conversation with someone who could then keep an eye on the baby whilst you have some time with your toddler. When it's hectic, other mums are often too busy worrying about where their children are amongst the throng.

Library - Yep, change the baby on your lap. Does your change-bag have a mini change-mat attached? Those things are a godsend if, like me, you've not mastered the lap-change. As someone else said, storytime is not really about being quiet. And babies cry. Nobody with children themselves will look down their noses at you if the baby cries for a bit - they'll all have been in similar situation.

Car - Sit in the car and wait until they wake up (a very loud radio can be very useful indeed for this ). I don't drive myself, but when OH has Ellis in the car with him, he even takes him in to pay for the petrol. It just isn't worth the risk. I believe that you can actually be charged if you are caught leaving a child unattended in a vehicle for any length of time.

Buggy - Ellis is allergic to the buggy these days - and the reins! I let him walk most places (he's very good at holding my hand) and although it can be quite frustrating walking at toddler-pace, sometimes I think that I spend far too much time rushing from place to place and it's nice to slow down for a bit. Ellis is very good at spotting interesting things, he's always pointing at birds and flowers that I might normally not notice so our walks are always fun. I do take the buggy with me - we were given a lightweight Mclaren that you can pop over your shoulder without breaking any bones, and it's a lifesaver. If you don't have one, check your local freecycle - ours has loads of them on offer.

[mrsflibble]

scenario 1: dont go until baby is a toddler
2. I was a lap changer too until she got too big to fit... I'm lucky enough to only have one child though.
3. forget about it, it's not worth the risk or the headache
4.toddling is good, but buggyboards are better according to my mum.

[citizentwiglet]

I so need glasses.....I just read MrsF's post as having been a lap-dancer....

[mrsflibble]

funny thing is on re-reading so did I lol!!!

Tea taught me to wing it, she's right. follow your instincts.

[QuakerBear]

Ah ha, I return.

Yes, we accepted children making noise, often very loud and would defend this time against any member of the public who complained. A crying child can interupt storytime a little if it's a particularly quiet one, but please don't worry about this. From my experience all librarians and other parents just accept this kind of thing as inevitable and don't think any further on it. With regards to changing a child in the library, as long as it's not really messy, go for it. Use a table, chair bench floor, your lap whatever.

Hope that helps.

[Annpan]

...Tea taught me to wing it, she's right. follow your instincts.

For some of us, that just doesn't kick in quick enough... With all the bullying that I got from Mid-wifes and health visitors - including them, without seeing E, telling me too take her to the casualty in Yorkhill when she was 10 days old... which made the doctors there livid... there was nothing wrong with her.

Anyway, yeah, I was quite ill and being abandoned by my family and bullied by health profesionals... and being told 'just do what your insticts tell you' was no help at all... I needed help and no-one was helping me.

I am absoluetly fantastic now... and love every minute of being a Mum... but for a long time I really struggled in exactly these situations.

All I am saying is that sometimes you just don't know what to do, you can't follow your instincts because you just don't know.