Nor is it a self description (although any of you who might actually meet me will realise it is actually fairly accurate
About 4 years ago B&Q were selling what they called "Big Butts" off cheap. On the face of it they looked the real thing. 330 gallon green tanks made of recycled plastic with a tap already installed. I bought 4!
They didn't have any stands (possibly why they were selling them off) and the tap is right at the bottom so they have to stand on something. I made walls out of bricks or breeze blocks for them all and there they stood, perfectly happily. Except that I did notice that the plastic is very flimsy and tends to sag - especially at the bottom.
Well due to the bright idea of a previous occupant of my house, one of these butts was the only thing that prevented my garage from becoming a swimming pool every time it rained.
Yesterday evening, I decided that pottering about in the garden hadn't been enough exercise so I went out for a walk. Only a couple of miles but enough at the end of the day to tire me out for bed. It wasn't until I got home that I noticed a DISASTER.
That one water butt by the garage had toppled off its stand and was leaning precariously against my new, second-hand hammock which was in turn leaning against the garage door. Something was bound to give at any second.
I had cleaned the butt out a few weeks ago and couldn't have put it back on it's stand properly. The weight of the water and the soft plastic had combined to cause it to fall over.
Well for about an hour last night I was using buckets to empty the water into the remaining butts to try to save as much as possible. I couldn't get to the tap so couldn't empty it that way.
It's funny how you can never get a syphon going when you really need one! After a while I decided that I had probably drunk more that the recommended safe level of butt water
The butt now has a huge dent in its bottom so won't stand up on its own.
Still the silver lining is that I got a lot more exercise than I'd planned.
And the butt isn't wasted. Providing I can seal the tap up, I plan to bury it in the garden and turn it into a well.
