Twisted English

[Paddy's mum]

Martin's missing d post got me started on thinking about spellings and language. One of my favourite bits is what I call Twisted English. I have heard two examples in the past 48 hours.

It was reported on Radio 2 news yesterday that police in Stoke on Trent had captured an armed criminal who was seen "leaving a house with a large knife". Unusual equipment for a house!

A friend was showing me a newspaper clipping in which help had been summoned for an injured walker who "was awaiting the Rescue Services, sitting on a rock with a broken ankle". Poor rock!

Anybody got any more?

[the.fee.fairy]

ah, there are so many of these!

One of my least favourite pieces of twisted english doing the rounds at the moment is another americanism: I could care less...

Well, if you could care less, then you must care a bit, eh?
try explaining that to an American though...they just don't get it!

[Martin]

"plumb center", "builder center" - can I assume that using Muddy's "disrespect" train of thought, that the deliberate mis-spelling of the word "centre" is in itself deeply offensive and derogatory to plumbers and builders - the assumption that they're all too thick to notice?

[Paddy's mum]

'All too thick to notice'. Are they not, then?!!!!

Joking apart, so many things are like this now. Is it an attempt to be trendy or somehow just a little bit different?

Perhaps it's along the same lines as chairperson or spokesperson. Whatever's wrong with the terms chairwoman or spokeswoman? Everyone understood what the words meant and I never thought them anti-female. They are, to me, no worse/divisive/offensive than such terms as mortgagor/mortgagee, trainer/trainee.

Is the (neuter) word apprentice belittling or does it convey an exact meaning? Too much pc today, in my view, and it's throttling our ability to express ourselves with very old, precise, hallowed-by-time language. Others, of course, are at liberty to disagree hence the expression freedom of speech!

[Martin]

there may also be unforseen side-effects!
Felicity Kendall for example - as Barbara Good, she was an actress, and a jolly good one to boot! - having suffered an episode of "Rosemary and Thyme", in which she is billed as an "actor", she was positively wooden!
I infinitely prefer her as an actress!

[Muddypause]

..."plumb center", "builder center" - can I assume that using Muddy's "disrespect" train of thought that the deliberate mis-spelling of the word "centre" is in itself deeply offensive and derogatory to plumbers and builders...

Err...?? Just run that train by me again - I seemed to have missed it.

..the assumption that they're all too thick to notice?

You may be surprised to hear that I have had occassion to point out the spelling error at the top of their invoices, and on the side of their lorries. The chap's response involved a withering look and quite a lot of muttering, as he carved the 1,001st notch into his desktop.

How do you cope with programming commands like 'color' and 'center'? Presumably you would be pragmatic and use them where appropriate?

About a year or so ago I heard someone on the radio describe the selling of things on Ebay as 'monetising' the items (it may have been 'moneterising'). I heard the word for a second time a few weeks ago, so I guess you should prepare yourself for the worst, Martin.

Incidentally, for some reason, Firefox has chosen these threads to start playing up - my cursor keeps jumping back a place as I type, resulting in several dozen spelling mistakes, misplaced apostrophes, and other errors. That's my sty,or and I'm sitcking ot i.t

[Muddypause]

One of my least favourite pieces of twisted english doing the rounds at the moment is another americanism: I could care less...

Well, if you could care less, then you must care a bit, eh?

The 'I could care less' phrase is a puzzle that seems to come up often on the English useage forums. Most plausible explantaion seems to be that it should be asked as a rhetorical question - in full "Do you think I could care less?"

[Milims]

Don't know how to work the quote thing, but then as a trades person I may be a bit too thick for that sort of thing!!! The thing is, in the line of my work (I'm a sparky) I frequent the "centers" and have so far managed to ignore the dodgy spelling in favour of the free hot chocolate!!!

Helen[/quote]

[digiveg]

Interesting...most of the comments so far focus on 'Americanisms' that are creeping into regular usage over here. However: that's exactly what language does, over time. It adopts things that have crept into common usage. We don't use the same language in speech or the written word as was used by the Victorians, or the Elizabethans, so why on earth should we expect things to just...stop, where we want them to?

Having lived for 18 years in California, I have some idea as to what we'll be subjected to next: 'totally whatever', as in 'he was, like, totally whatever', and an increased use of color, center, etc etc. 'I could care less' is their version of ours. We used to describe something as being 'sorted out', whereas now it's just 'sorted'.

I wrote a (technical, incidentally, and very boring) book shortly after returning to the UK in 1998. I wrote it in 'American' rather than 'English'. So, the publisher got an English editor to edit everything back to 'our' version of things...and then sold the rights to a US publisher, who had to get an American editor to edit everything back into US-ese. Needless to say, I'll be happy to see us both using the same language at some point in the future! And I don't care how it's spelled!

[cat]

Sign read in a café a while back :
"We apologise for inconvenience caused during alterations to our customers:"

[PurpleDragon]

Perhaps it's along the same lines as chairperson or spokesperson. Whatever's wrong with the terms chairwoman or spokeswoman?

I recently got lumbered with the Chair of our local toddler group (which I've subsequently managed to foist off on someone else ) but I always referred to myself as Chairman. It is just a title.

I remember many moons ago, when the fight was on for women in the Ministry, asking a local Deacon if they won, would she then attain the title of Priestess. She didn't think it was funny.

[Paddy's mum]

Hey guys - this is getting to be fun! I'll have to come here again.

Heard the other day "a man was taken to hospital after almost being stabbed to death". Why? The knife clearly missed, didn't it!

It's a horrid evening here - hope all is well with everyone, wherever you are.

[the.fee.fairy]

see, the i could care less works as a rhetorical question, but not as a statement.
Personally, i don't see 'i could care less' as another version of 'i couldn't care less' because it is plain wrong! If you COULD care less, then you must care a bit, if you COULDN'T care less than you don't care at all.

I understand the versions thing, but i hate the bastardisation of the language, and the fact that these phrases that are wrong are being regarded as right, and are being taken as right, and allowed!

Maybe its the English student in me...

[Muddypause]

The local hardware store was selling off a job lot of sponges and the sign over the box said "Ideal for mopping up operations in the kitchen."

Also, when I was a teenager, I bought a Skoda. These were the days when Skodas were univerally regarded as a joke. Mine cost £32, and for reasons I won't go into here, I was robbed. The handbook was evidently a literal translation from Czech, and said "To start the car, insert the key and turn it until you feel it snap."

[Wombat]

Likewise, I had a Suzuki 4x4 as my first car. The manual was a ripper and gave very detailed instructions on what to do "If braking is starnge".

Nev