Finally realisation that disabled kids get bullied

[baldowrie]

and not just by other kids but teachers too, and I am sorry to say that happens more times than reported. My own son has been slammed into a tree, made to sit on a drawing pin in front of the teacher then got told off for screaming in pain. He has been constantly kicked in the shins, I have counted 20 separate bruises on each leg in one week before now. He has been put in the corner by teachers failing to recognise his problems and physically assaulted by one teacher who failed to realise he has need at times to repeat what he is told in order to process the information, he was grabbed by the collar and pulled up to her face then shouted at him like a banshee..she was much taller than him, she was disciplined but not suspended. But the worst, she did not have the guts to admit it and it was only that I told my son NOT to listen to her telling him to deny the incident happened and stick to his guns she got disciplined. She was told to stay away from my son for a while too!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/nolavconsole/ukfs ... id=6160660

[Stonehead]

I was about to post this one...

Bullies 'target disabled pupils'

[baldowrie]

Think that's the crux of all bullying..denial it happens!

[Shirley]

It's heartbreaking to know that this sort of thing happens. What sort of people are we sharing this planet with that will do such awful things.

[Sarahcook]

Anti Bullying week starts next Monday.

My class started theirs on Friday because one of my children was picking on a little one. I didn't tell him off in front of the class, merely gave them the hypothetical situation, they obligingly explored all the avenues (bully is secretly afraid, small child not wanting to come to school or being afraid of bigger children, parental involvement, head teacher involvement, exclusion, trauma for both famillies and so on)

then I told them that it had happened, that one of our children was involved. They asked who had been bullied and when I said that our child was the builly, they were horrified. They were given the name of the victim, but not the aggressor, so that they can encourage him to come into school and the playground adn so on, make sure he's ok and generally look after him. Their thinking was that they should and could make amends for the bully as he was one of our class, and that it might help the small one to trust the bigger ones again. I refused to give them the name of the bully, saying it was between myself and that child's parents. Interestingly, they accepted that and offered the idea that it would stop people being nasty to the bully, which would make them bullies in themselves.

Then I had the parents in, (I don't do second chances on bullying) and discussed the matter. They had reported the child as being picked on in the previous year and were ashamed to find out that the boot was on the other foot. I spoke to the child in front of his parents and we discussed the wide implications of what could have seemed like a joke at the time but which wasn't funny. He didn't stop when the smaller child was crying, therefore it's not funny. Child and I have agreed to a fresh, non-judgemental start on Monday, in the belief that this is a blip. (I'm not so sure, but I want to be, if you follow me.) Child is to spend his weekend thinking of ideas for antibullying week, so that he has thought about the consequences of his actions and can apply them positively.

http://www.antibullyingweek.org/ has a lot of info on the week and we shall see what happens.

But teachers treating children like that, well that's assault, not bullying, in my book, and should be treated as such.

Sarah

[baldowrie]

Sarah

But teachers treating children like that, well that's assault, not bullying, in my book, and should be treated as such.

Have to agree as they not only should know better because they are adults but also because of their training.

I don't do second chances on bullying

Yep need to nip in the bud from the beginning.

A bully deep down is a coward, however being a parent of victim time and time again I can not feel sorry for them what ever the circumstances. I have to pick the pieces up each time.

[PurpleDragon]

I was bullied at school and even reading about bullying still makes my stomach churn and I feel sick.

[Sarahcook]

Have to agree as they not only should know better because they are adults but also because of their training.

But that training, that understanding of a child's mind, that's precisely what can make a teacher a very efficient bully.

And I've done it. I've made a year 6 child cry, in front of my year 2 children a few years ago. He was a nasty piece of work, and I don't say that about many children, but the things he did were downright cruel. So I systematically demolished him, using every trick I knew, until he was sobbing on my carpet.

My children came and sat on my carpet once he'd gone, and I sent him back to his room via the toilets to wash his face so he didn't have to face his peers wth tears. I wanted to stop a bully, not make another victim.

And we talked. We do a lot of talking, but we talked about how they felt when I was doing this, and they were secretly pleased that he was getting what he'd been giving out, but after a while they felt bad about him getting so upset. They wanted to stop me, but they knew they couldn't. That for those 20 minutes, I wasn't the teacher that they knew, I was a different person and I frightened some of them.

We talked about how I felt, whilst I was doing it, and afterwards. I told them that I hated it. That the power trip that one gets from operating like that is not worth how nasty I felt about myself now. And that for some people, that nastyness is only taken away by another power trip.

We held a circle time and sorted out how we all felt, and repaired any cracks in the class feeling, and in our relationships wth each other. We talked about what we;d learnt, and some of that was very interesting. That people aren't always what they seem - bullies can cry and feel bad about what they do, and victims can feel stronger and also feel sorry for the bully, that teachers aren't always what they seem and can be good or bad at their job, because of their job, that two wrongs do not make a right, but that bullying can and should and will be stopped, and that if you sit and watch it happen, you are just as involved as the person doing it. I told them that I would find this particular child later, and we would work out how to help him sort out whatever was making him the way he was. They understood that I couldn't and shouldn't just leave him broken and disliking himself, but that he had to be built up again.

I'm not sure where I'm going with all this - it's been a long day and I've just got back from seeing the new Bond film - but bullying matters, whether child to child, adult to child, child to adult (it happens!) or adult to adult.That bullies come from somewhere, as do victims and they are all a product of their environment and their 'training' in life. And that if we sit back, if we give second chances, then it just happens again.

Sarah

[glenniedragon]

Is this problem increasing with the number of schools for children with special needs decreasing? Bullies like to find the weak and the vunerable and here we are offering victims up to them......society is judged by how we protect our vunerable, and now many of these kids are suffering due to budget cuts and educational 'reorganisation'. My sister in law went to a school for children with special needs, and she achieved loads and recieved support throughout her schooling, she is now a confident adult who embraces new things as she knows she can succeed in many things even if she does need support in doing so, if her LEA had had their way all she would have known would have been failure and low self-worth.

kind thoughts
Deb

[baldowrie]

precisely why my son with special needs is NOT going to main stream secondary education regardless if the education department find him a place or not. In the words of his head teach 'the council here don't like home ed, so they will have to find something for him'

Integrating children with disabilities is a good idea in theory, however without proper back up and trained staff it does not work. You can't just plonk them in and expect the school to cope with out doing extra training and making adoption's. Then when extra education help is required you come across two problems;

a) the school won't access this help as it will hit their budget/league table

and

b) the help is not forth coming from the councils

That is on top an 'elite' group of old school teachers who will not embrace change and miss use their power to bully the children themselves, particularly the most vulnerable ones. I have known of 2 teachers in the past 5 years that have been sacked because of this out dated way of teaching and negative comments to children. I daresay there have been more.

'You must try harder' when a child has tried their best is not a helpful comment, but we have all had it so we all know how it made us feel.

[red]

don't make the mistake of thinking that kids with special needs cannot bully other kids with special needs.

[baldowrie]

under no illusions with that. I can only speak from my own experiences

[red]

under no illusions with that. I can only speak from my own experiences

of course.
my experience is that the only problems my son had throughout all of primary school were, sadly, with other kids with SNs. my son is on the spectrum, and has a need for order and routine. This usually does not go with other children with SN. One child bullied him (well he bullied everyone, and did not single my son out at all, but the situation totally freaked my son out) and the other kid wanted to mother him, to the point of smother and the school had to intervene.

its just people often think that there is a sort of empathy between kids with SN, whereas in reality unless you are dealing with ASD, you are unlikely to find a school full of kids with the same issues as yours, and even if you do it wont make them get on.

The problem I found was there is now NO provision in my area for children with moderate learning difficulties. Mild and moderate are integrated into mainstream school, so only severe and profound is catered for. So, if like me you have a child with moderate LDs you are faced with the choice of put him into a school where everyone is much more able or much less able.
I think my son would have been ok at the local mainstream school, certainly our experience with other kids (as oposed to their parents!) has always been good - the other kids have sort of looked out for my son, and even done things like tie his shoe laces etc for him. but then again - it was a really nice primary school.

When it came to choosing schools for seconday level, we faced - the (1) local special school, which seemed very nice, but he would definitely be the most able so we probably would not have got a place and if i fought tooth and nail and got one, I have to wonder how much attention he would have got, being aimable etc. then there was (2) the local mainstream school - which is massive, or send him miles away to (3) a moderate needs school that also catered for emotional behavioural difficultes (EBD) ie choosing to put him in the school with the difficult kids, or there was (4) home education. At first home ed was a safety net option ( you know if all else fails..) but the more I looked into it the more I saw it was the right way to go.

We dont follow a NC or waste time trying to learn something that will never help him, we are mostly focusing on lifeskills. and its been a great experience. I have had to make many sacrifices to do this, but its been worth it! Funny, that he is more independant with me then in school, as in school he had his own one to one helper, whereas at home, i am slowly teaching him to cope with things on his own.

the bottom line is we dont seem to fit in anywhere, and now we dont try.

[glenniedragon]

There are bullies in all walks of life, my son was at the recieving end of one bully who is repeating reception for the 3rd time, he (the bully) has a SEN so it does work both ways. I cant help but feel there should be more appropriate surroundings for this child, doing reception again and again cant be meeting his needs. The nearest SN school is 15miles away apparently.

kind thougths
Deb

[baldowrie]

The head of my sons primary and my self are just starting down this route and the placement is not necessary for another 18 months, but we want to get him sorted. One major plus point is the head of the school is NOT recommending him for transition and she will be informing all she can about this. I am getting his appointment from the medical profession he sees regularly lined up and informing them so we can tie everything together and present it.

I have been told there are several schools in the area more suited to my sons needs, just a case of presenting the council with the facts and me and the primary school standing our ground, but ultimately me.

Home ed in my area is rarely granted and therefore the council will have to sort something out for him as the head of the local Secondary will be informed at the appropriate time not to accept my son. Pincer Movement

To keep repeating a year is ridiculous, he should be moved on to a school more suited to his needs.