Got to be more to life than this

[Millie]

Had a crappity crap day at work, sat by the river for 45 mins and blubbed, and watched the birds mucking around and getting on with life, and I thought "there has got be an easier, happier way to life, and Im sure Im missing something here, cos I sure dont have it right".

Anyone have any secrets they want to share? Any tips? Suggestions of things I can do to make money and be self sufficient, and not have to go to work in a large company. Ive lined up some things to start now to make some pin money for xmas, so fingers crossed they all come on ok.

ok, I should probably stop staring at that wall and post this *sigh*

[Martin]

I guess you've gotta have a dream - something you can latch the old brain cells onto to take your mind off the greyness - sometimes it can be something simple like relishing a good home made curry and "Gardener's World" (sad git!)
Follow your heart, follow your passions - be brave, this is after all, the big picture! 8)
Have a good grizzle, get it all out - then just go and walk somewhere wild - it is a wonderful world, we're just not very good at seeing it sometimes!
In the case of distressed ladies, I would prescribe chocolate, in large doses!

[Andy Hamilton]

one of those days huh? I wondered if this might raise a smile

I have to temp from time to time and that is basically what I do. I take off weeks on end and go to the allotment or work on this site. I am in huge amounts of debt, there is always someone threatening to cut something off (utilities companies that is). The thing is I could not be happier. It not that I am lazy bastard far from it, just that I made a consious decision to stop doing stuff that depresses me. I need to take a spell of work soon as my cash has run out, so I might not be too happy for a couple of weeks. but hey ho.

I guess the trick is to find whatever makes you happy and do that for a living, or at least try to. I think that given time self sufficientish will be my full time job and I will be well happy. - and so will my girlfriend if I can afford to take her out for once.

[Martin]

100% agree! - your health is SO important (both physical and mental) - having lived deep in the countryside for 25 years, wild horses would not get me back into a town! I learned a long while ago that I was just not thriving - when we moved to the sticks we were totally broke, and my wife took a housekeeper's job in a big country house in exchange for a really nice flat on a farm (good deal, 3 mornings a week) - we were there for 15 years, and our daughter did her growing up there! She wanted a pony - living where we did, she got a loan pony, used one of the old stables on the farm, and did a saturday job to pay for feed and shoeing - it kept her out of a LOT of mischief during her teenage years!
If you fancy doing something daft like that, grab a copy of "The Lady"

[Millie]

there is always someone threatening to cut something off

PMSL I have visions of someone lurking with secateurs

Wish my landlord would insist on zero rent, then I wouldnt have to go to work! And I wish my forum would start earning me a bit!

Ah Im sure I will feel much better in the morning, wont I?!

[Millie]

Thanks Martin. Got to be something lurking round the corner hasnt there? We were homeless this time last year, and living in a 12 man tent in my mums back garden. Turned it into an adventure for the kids, but it realy took its toll on me. Alongside bullying from a colleague, it pretty much did my poor noggin in. Still picking up the pieces, anyway I digress.....

We tried every single way we could to get a house, and every turn was blocked. Then one sunday I had this urge to go and look in shop windows. Nothing, I couldnt believe there wasnt one house!!!!! Fed up, I made my way "home", and something made me drive out to another not so local shop. And to cut a long loooong story short, I found my home there

Things turn up in the strangest places, and tomorrow I WILLLLLLL win the lotto (oh, you mean you have to actually play to win....hmmm....)

Stop rambling Millie, there are people trying to sleep.........

[Martin]

it's little things that bring home to me that like Andy, I reckon "our" way really is better - there's me, in the local filling station - 13 year old motor car,(covered in mud, with occasional tasteful flashes of rust!) - sauntering over to pay, comfy in a pair of aged shorts and charity shop shirt, enjoying the fact the sun's out - in screeches a "success".......tuned, shiny BMW - IBM haircut - suit - strange bluetooth excrescence attached to ear - sweating, stressed, trailing a wake of chemical after-shave...........all that in order to buy next year's model - how WEIRD!

[Muddypause]

I have a feeling, Millie, that there is a convoluted sort of rule to life that says something like 'The secret to happiness is that there is no secret.' In other words, it's one of those things that happens when you stop trying to make it happen. I could be wrong, but trying to plan to be happy seems bound to end up in disappointment.

But enough armchair philosophy. How about this as a suggestion that may help you reassess things, job-wise, accommodation-wise and lifestyle-wise:

Get hold of a copy of Diggers & Dreamers. It's a book that lists dozens of communities in the UK which are usually formed when people put values before money, and figure out a way to combine resources and make a viable alternative to the daily grind. Some aim for self-contained self-sufficiency, many don't. Some are spiritually focused, others are environmentaly focused, some are more pragmatic. Many are open to family units, and often look for new members.

Find some that sound interesting, and find out how you can visit them to learn more about communal living (most of them will have regular 'maintenance weeks' or WWOOF weekends, or other volunteer sessions, or may just accept visitors for a while). Make a plan for the next year or two to visit several of them. Visit with an open mind - they can be very different to each other, and you may, like me, simply find out that this sort of lifestyle is not for you. But like me, you may also gain some insight into your own relationship with yourself, and that's gotta be good for a happy life.

[Stonehead]

Millie, I'm afraid I'll have to be quick as I'm taking a break between laying blockwork.

First, some background. I did 20 years in a very high pressure, deadline driven job surrounded by buffoons, bullies and incompetents while using threadbare and dilapidated equipment. I was a troubleshooter in my particular field, so on top of all that I had to identify the causes of problems and correct them ASAP while putting in at least 70-80 hours a week.

The money was very good, but it was always with an end in mind - a place of my own. The real tension for me was deciding when to call it quits as I had to juggle my level of savings vs rising property prices vs my health and mental welfare.

I walked away from it when I went in to the office one day and had to sit on my hands to stop myself from punching my boss out. He was a bullying toady (but never game to bully me), I'd been keeping him off other people's backs for too long and all I could visualise that morning was his nose splattering all over the place!

That was four years ago.

Now, two things you have to realise. One is that going down the self-sufficient route is not easy. If you want easy, get a boring office job where you can do your 9-5, collect your salary and do the whole usual thing. And yes, such jobs do I exist - I managed to last in one for about six months and it was far worse than the jobs I described above!!! Ask yourself do you want an easy life or a satisfying life?

The second is that you have to move away from money as much as possible. Yes, you do need money to get by and pay inescapeable bills, but what you have to do is work out how little you need to be able to scrape by.

As an example, we do not have drinking water on tap. We could buy a filter system but that would mean putting the £500-600 cost on a credit card or spending a large chunk of our small cash reserve. So, we continue bringing in water by jerry can twice a week. It's not easy, but we have running water for washing so it's not too bad.

Or take clothes - I wear one of two boiler suits day in, day out and have been wearing the same shirts for more than five years now. The one I have on now has the collar, elbows and cuffs worn through while the collars have started separating from my T-shirts. However, I do have two new pairs of socks - the first in two years. But I'm reasonably clean and comfortable, and I don't give a toss what the fashion police think so I'm satisfied with that.

So why do I accept this? Because of the very real upsides of the life I've chosen. I have the OH and two fine (if feral boys); six acres of organic croft with great air, great views and an interesting climate; seven lovely pigs; more than 20 mad chickens; and oodles of home produced food. I can tinker and build to my heart's content, I can tell objectionable people to **** off if I want, I can tell like-minded people to drop by whenever they want, and I'm as fit as a well-worked draught horse (I even get oats every day!).

My advice is decide what you really, really want from your life, decide your minimum comfort level, decide how much money you need to provide that level of comfort, and then work out how to balance what you want against the demands of a job (including self-employment) that will give you the money you need.

Either that, or find someone rich to indulge your whims!!

Hope this helps a little and remember, clinging to the trunk is safe but the views are superb when you're right out on the limb. It's also much more exciting...

Go for it!

Stonehead

[Wombat]

G'Day Millie,

I understand what you are going through and am weeping with you

I have been there too, but was lucky enough to find something I could do that other people were prepared to pay me to do.

I really can't add much to the advice above especially Stoney and Stew.

I used to work with a guy who was a senior manager, he left and we lost touch. working for another place I was doing inductions for labour hire people when his name came up and sure enough it was him. The job was gronk-work: sorting glass bottles. When I asked him what the story was he explained that three days a week of gronk work make enough for him to do what he wanted the other four days of the week. No pressure, no responsibility. At the time I wasn't sure but out of me and him, I think I now know who the the idiot is!

Nev

[Shirley]

WOW what a good thread. Sorry to hear that it was started because you were feeling glum Millie - Hugs mate.

This has made me think a lot this morning - and to reassess some of my own aspirations. Such valuable advice - one of the reasons I love this forum so much.

[Clarabel]

I wanted to contribute to this, but wasn't sure if I could offer as much as those further along in this journey.

All I know is before I even knew really what 'self suffient' really was I wanted to change my life and give back at least as much as I took from life abnd the planet. It seemed impossible, till one day I thought, 'well I'll change this one little thing' then once that became part of my life I changed something else, and so on. Now the allotment is going to be probably the biggest challange and change yet. But one day that will be up and running, and part of my routine and probably then we'll change something else!

I don't fit into a mould of someone 'self-sufficentish', because I live in a city and work in an office! But once you look a bit closer you see I'm not like all city-dwellers who work in offices (I work for a charity part time). And more importantly the more self-sufficientish people I come across the more I realise there isn't a 'mould' anyway!

Clarabel

[nick]

I have an idea of what I want to do, and how I want to do it but sometimes things change along the way. I try now not to look at how far i have to go but how far I've come.
five years ago I had no idea about growing vegetables. my 'little' boy will be five this year and so I guess I became more aware of what we were eating and where it was coming from so hence I started a vege garden.
I can now grow most of our vegetables and was lucky enough to have an established orchard with citrus and stonefruit.
I can now pickle and preserve (freeze, dry, bottle) excess produce. I swap clothes and accept hand-me-downs. (the cows don't mind what you wear and how old it is - bit sad when you have a shirt with the year that you got it, you wear it every week at least twice and when it starts to fall apart you realise that it is now about 11 yrs old)
I believe (most of the time) that I have the upper hand of PND after three years of thinking I was going mad and not knowing why.
I no longer work full time (paid work - 2 kids, OH, garden and animals ) and I believe I am healthier and happier.

[Millie]

Thanks guys, lots to think about, shall ponder when Im on me lot tonight. I have achieved so much today, got loads done, so thats cheered me up. And starting my day by going and weeding and planting this morning def helped!

[shiney]

Hi Millie,

I reckon we all get days like you've had and there's lots of great advice here on this thread. What a sensible lot we are here!

We need to meet and chew the fat on this one, let me know when you're available and we'll exchange our dreams. The cakes are on me!

We both work for ourselves. Don't make shedloads of money, but our quality of life is better. I really enjoy what I do and my other half is working hard but much happier being outside landscaping all day.