Um..

[Tigerhair]

hope these make ya giggle.....

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

2. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says

3. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers

4. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

5. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case

6. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

8. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope

9. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

10. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands

11. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms

12. Eye Drops Off Shelf

13. Teachers Strike Idle Kids

14. Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead

15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax

16. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told

17. Miners Refuse To Work After Death

18. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant

19. Stolen Painting Found By Tree

20. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter

21. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years

22. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One

23. War Dims Hope For Peace

24. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While

25. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures

26. Deer Kill 17,000

27. Enfields Couple Slain, Police Suspect Homicide

28. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

29. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

30. Man Struck By Lightening Faces Battery Charge

31. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group

32. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft

33. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

34. Chef Throws His Heart In Helping Feed Needy

35. Arson Suspect Held In Massachusetts Fire

36. Ban On Soliciting Dead In Trotwood

37. Local High School Dropout Cuts In Half

38. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

39. Hospitals Are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors

[Tigerhair]

10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can
die.

8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an
erection, make him a sandwich.

7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

6 - Some people are like a Slinky... Not really good for anything, but
you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.
4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather.. It pays no attention
to criticism.

3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 quid and a substantial
tax cut saves you 50p?

2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird.
now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT .

We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of
cars
in Britain......
But we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants
and Terrorists are located.
Maybe we should put the DVLA in charge of Immigration.......

[Shirley]

Brilliant!!! Love the dvla jibe and the men needing a sandwich... totally right on both counts!!

[Wombat]

Stands with arms folded tapping foot..........

[ina]

Stonehead got me a bit worried... There's at least two references to eating children.

The great British headline - you can't beat it.

[cat]

Thank you tigerhair that brightened up my morning!

Along the same lines, I saw this in a café once:

We apologise for inconvenience caused during alterations to our customers

[Shirley]

LOL - I recently asked to cancel a magazine subscription... they said I was paid up til January...and said I could either have a refund for the unmailed issues... or I could carry on receiving them until I expire!!!

[ina]

Stonehead got me a bit worried... There's at least two references to eating children.

The great British headline - you can't beat it.

Do I have Stonehead on my mind? Sorry, Tiger...

Must have been reading another thread.

[AnnetteR]

LOL - I recently asked to cancel a magazine subscription... they said I was paid up til January...and said I could either have a refund for the unmailed issues... or I could carry on receiving them until I expire!!!

LOL!