Chores

[mrsflibble]

washing up and cleaning rooms. unpaid.
I think that anything more should be paid for; stuff like weeding or mowing the lawn for example.

I, however, have been washing my own clothes since age 11, ironing since age 12, making my own lunch since I was 10, cleaning my room since i got one (age 7 I think, when my aunt moved ou on her own. we lived with my grandparents and before Mandy moved, I shared with my mum...who snores).
After we moved south when my mum met my wonderful stepdad, my mum had Tom and got severe PND which exacerbated an underlying mental condition...I started having to basically care for myself. the only thing she'd do was cook a meal each night, but I'd have to clean the kitchen afterwards. it wasn't too bad at age 10 with just me, my parents and Tom to clean up after, but later I used to have to do the washing up for 6 people every night to my mum's incredibly high standard (at risk of severe punishment if she didn't find it as such)- this often meant i wasnt getting up to my room to do homework until 9 or 10pm. I'm honestly sure my mother's refusal to clean the kitchen and harsh punishments if I went on strike is why I didn't do too well at A level.
She never did any washing up or tidying of the kitchen all day even though she was at home for about 7 years....I moved out when I was 18. I think Dad took over the kicthen cleaning duties. she's a lot beter since being well medicated. She's a totally different person. She cleans for a start lol!

I'm sure she's also why I DETEST washing up, but why I can get it done in half the time that my hubby can lol!!!

bad grades at uni were all my own fault though.

I used to get 50p at age 16 for mowing the lawn....then I gave up 'cos it just wasnt worth it, and mum would always criticise how I did it anyway.
It's not like I was doing this for 50p in the 70s, this was in 1999!!! I got £5 a month pocket money; I can understand the pocket money thing if my parents had been hard up; but they wern't at this point. My brothers and sister get a better rate though, £1 for each year they've been alive,(£10 for Loo, £12 for Ollie and now £15 for Tom) doled out monthly. Plus mum and dad suppliment their pocket money if they've saved hard for something; for instance recently my brothers saved up £120 between them and mum stumped up the other £60 for a Wii and one game. I swear she gets more use out of it than they do though lol!

I don't know how I'll handle Soph's. I've got a while to think about it though.

[Milims]

I think that's what I'd do, too - just tell them, if there's no input from them, tough luck, you won't do anything for them, either! No food on the table, no clothes washed... No food bought for them either, so they can't just go and raid the fridge. They won't starve to death, don't worry...

We kind of did that - did nothing for them - gave them wages, made them pay rent and do their own washing and cooking etc and just as it was beginning to work my mother engineered a visit from social services who accused me of not loving my children!

[mrsflibble]

that's not being a bad parent, that's showing them how to survive in the real world!

I will be teaching soph the real value of money as soon as she's able to comprehend it. Do not buy on credit if you can afford to save up, if you do need credit do it safely and within your means, save at least 15% of anything you earn if you can afford to.
How to shop for reduced items and multibuys, which multibuys are really helpful and which give you 15p back but leave you with an item which may get thrown away 'cos you can't use it quick enough... BUDGETING. something I wasnt taught by mum and think I shoudl have been.

she's trying harder with my brothers and sis though.

[theabsinthefairy]

My daughter is 11 and has always done some form of chores, whether cleaning her room, the bath, vacuuming or dusting. Since moving out here she has done more and more as we now have lots of gardening and livestock to take care of.

We don't have a set list of chores, as each day is different depending on weather, season etc.

So ignoring the normal household stuff which everyone contributes to like sweeping and fetching in wood, we draw up a list of things we want to achieve on a particular day - and then have a reward system for each one you tick for doing, so for example if I weed the strawberry patch I get 15 minutes of uninterrupted reading time, if my daughter cleans out the chicken coop she gets 30 minutes of playing on the Xbox. There is no pocket money to be earnt in our house.

I know this doesn't answer the real question of how you get kids to do the normal household stuff - but to be honest I don't know the answer, as I was raised and my daughter is being raised that you all just do them as normal - and that means everyone age and sex regardless. I do think that if you instigate a reward system that is better than a punishment system, and you then have to be completely consistent in applying it.

[Trinity]

What an interesting thread. Bringing back some old memories here. I was given quite a lot of chores and responsibility as a youngster and am quite thankful for it now... my Mum was "Mrs Resourceful" and as I grew independent I realised how much I had learnt from her without realising it.

These days my eight year old is responsible for setting and clearing the dining table and emptying the compost. I was a bit soft before we gave him these chores, but my husband said it would be great for him. Now, I couldn't agree more. Little one resisted for about six months (on and off) but has seemed to wholeheartedly accept it as part of the flow of things now.

I definitely am not into paying for children to do chores at home. I strongly feel that it ought to be part of the fabric of things here. Unless someone starts paying me to do the home schooling, food production and food making of course

Trinity
x

[ina]

We kind of did that - did nothing for them - gave them wages, made them pay rent and do their own washing and cooking etc and just as it was beginning to work my mother engineered a visit from social services who accused me of not loving my children!

Idiots! Is pampering them and letting them get away with everything love? Not in my book! I also had a very generous allowance quite early on in life - but I bought everything out of that: clothes, lunch, even text books. Taught me how to handle money.

[mrsflibble]

I do think that if you instigate a reward system that is better than a punishment system, and you then have to be completely consistent in applying it.

"you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar"

[Russian Doll]

hannah and amy are expected to keep there rooms clean ad beds made...also hannah helps me with the younger boys wjhen im cooking which she doesnt get paid for

tey do get paid pocket money for extra chores which normally end up getting paid in advance so they can get a toy lol

[Milims]

Idiots! Is pampering them and letting them get away with everything love?

Exactly my point! I said to the SS that when my children leave home I want them to be equipped to handle what life throws at them not to fall at the first obstacle! The stupid thing is I use my own experience of being brought up as a template for how I bring up my own children - yet it is my own mother who thinks I'm doing it wrong - go figure!

[theabsinthefairy]

Milims - perhaps your mother suffers with the same problem as mine - selective memory loss and post grandchildren brainwashing.

Funny how my mum never remembers telling me to tidy up and do the same chores I expect my daughter to do now. And now I am cruel and depriving her of her childhood years by expecting her to do too much.

[MrsD'ville]

This is a subject close to my heart. DH's two teenagers live with us, 14 and 15, we have a 6 yo together, I'm pregnant, we rent a big house with a big garden, DH runs his own business and I work part-time, so a fair bit in hand but not as much as some.

For several years the two older ones would have a month on month off chores such as emptying the bins + compost, hoovering, clearing up after supper etc. I've always expected them to clean and tidy their own rooms. The problem was that as they degenerated further into teenagehood their execution of the jobs got sloppier and sloppier and the whole thing became a massive bone of contention, both between themselves and between them and us. I didn't want to live in a war zone or be in a permanent state of resentment that they couldn't be arsed to make their contribution properly, so we shook things up a bit. There is now no obligation to help on a routine basis, but they are frequently asked to help with x or y, possibly when it least suits them. To their credit they always do it. Overall it seems to work out quite well, and funnily enough they were both very suspicious when we told them they didn't have to do their regular chores any more!

Talking of which, time for me to fling out the bin bags...

Edited to say, DD just seems to be picking things up, literally! She will often take plates etc into the kitchen after supper, always tidies up toys etc if asked and gives the impression of viewing it all as a joint effort, hallelujah!