Chores

[Milims]

What do you consider are reasonable chores? I remember as a kid the chores I was expected to do and so I base the chores I give my kids on my own experience, but I do wonder if I'm being reasonable. My kids are 12 and 13 so they are older and quite capable. So what would you consider reasonable chores for them?

[gigglybug]

I think washing up after dinner is a good one, it cured my sister of needing a fresh glass every time she had a drink.

Also at least keeping their rooms clean.

I have to say I didn't do to much about the house as a teen, not because I objected to doing it, but because I was rebelling against my mums refusal to ask any of the males of the house to pitch in.

[Annpan]

Taking care of pets - changing cat litter, feeding, etc
Cleaning the car
Loading the diswasher or helping with washing dishes
Mowing the lawn (with a push-power mower)

Keeping the house tidy, I think everyone should help for 5 mins at the end of each day, returning things to their home. E (19 months) already helps with this.

I am sure that there are many, many more... I have a 13 yearold nephew who makes tea and coffee and has recently rustled up some flapjacks for us (yummm) I haver a 15 year old nephew (different family) who probably doesn't even know what a kettle is for


It depends what works for you but when I was a kid my mum wasn't good at keeping any kind of routine herself, so I was never good at taking on regular chores... then out of the blue my mum would designate something to me... and it never worked.

[ina]

At that age I was definitely doing my fair share of the washing up - and keeping my own room clean, including changing sheets etc. I also did a fair share of the cooking and baking; I always liked doing that, so it wasn't much of a chore, and my mum didn't have much time for it.

Oh, and cleaning shoes was "our" job (my brother and myself), plus helping in the garden, particularly at harvesting time - and that included getting fruit and veg ready for preserving! We had neither lawn nor car, so that was out. On the other hand, as my parents owned a shop, I often helped there, too.

[Milims]

I expect my two to keep their rooms and themselves clean and tidy as a matter of course (I was a bording school from 7 and had to do it), after that their chores are to empty the bins as appropriate ie - not necessarily daily, check and feed the cats as appropriate and clean the litter tray (we have 3 cats 2 are young and have a food dispenser so it only needs filled about once a week the other is very old and uses the tray and needs her food checked daily - all eat dry food), between them to clean the bathroom, hoover the stairs and landing and clean the conservatory (the room they mainly use) once a week and take turns at filling and emptying the dish washer daily. We are finding that despite the fact that we are willing to pay them for their services they have to be nagged into doing the jobs, re-shown frequently how to do them and still producing a half ar**d attempt - and they think that we are being mean when we refuse to give payment for a poor attempt. I work full time at a demanding job as well as being a full time carer for my partner who is disabled, and a full time mum - perhaps I'm just being too demanding, but if they do nothing it all falls to me to deal with, so I end up not enjoying time with my family either because I'm working all the time or I'm fretting because the house is a pig sty. I know that it might no be fair to ask the kids to do chores but I figure that in 3 years time at least one of them could be setting up home on their own and if they don't learn how to do stuff now they'll end up in a big pickle!
Oops sorry that turned into a bit of a rant - didn't mean to.

[Annpan]

You are entitled to rant.

Sounds like it is all getting very stressful...have you tried doing the 'family meeting' thing, explaining what is going on and why you need the help etc?
(My parenting experience is limited and my mum was duff at it but I think it is what my sisters would do - they are both very good parents)

The only other suggestion I could possibly make would be to take out the ambiguity - I say to JohnM to clean the cat litter when it needs it... he never does... when I say the dishwasher must be on before you go to bed... it is always done. If it is time-tabled it is easier to get into the habit (I am the same TBH)


I hope you do get it sorted out... it is tough being a mum of teens.

[Milims]

Thanks Annpan. We've tried all sorts - we've written a list of chores to be ticked off when done with the appropriate financial incentive (is that bribary??) we've shown them how to do it, told them how to do it, given diaries with the chores written in daily, nagged, begged, cried, shouted, discussed, abandoned ship, etc etc etc - you name it, but it still comes down to a half ar**d attempt, expectations of payment and a lot of frustration. It's now to the point where I'm handing in my notice at work tomorrow (although this isn't the only reason) so that I can find a part time job and do it all myself!

[hamster]

I was the same as you, Gigglybug, I used to hate doing anything around the house because my mum always expected me to do so much more than my brothers were ever expected to do... drove me nuts!

Can't remember what I used to do on a regular basis at that age. Think it was things like keeping my room clean and tidy, changing my bed, setting the table, clearing the table, loading and unloading the dishwasher, babysitting my brothers, distributing clean laundry etc... Maybe other stuff too. Though my mum never worked, so she did a lot more than I imagine most working mothers would have the time or be prepared to do, so I might have got off lightly, even if I did feel terribly hard done by at the time!

[farmerdrea]

I don't have this problem, and honestly have no idea why not. Mine are 11 and 16, and have always had lots of chores, but we've always approached the things that need doing are part of the family's responsibilities as a team (not like a sports team, just a cohesive group...). So what about stopping doing anything for them, after a family meeting to explain it, to demonstrate this?

My 11 year old daughter unloads the dishwasher, dusts the house, waters the livestock (and believe me, that's a lot of livestock!), feeds the chooks, goat kids, and any mums with baby chicks, as well as whatever chicks, ducklings, and turkey poults she's hand-rearing (over 100 this past growing season). My 16 year old son vacuums the house, hangs the washing and brings it in, mucks out the horse, also waters the livestock - on weekends now only, since he started at school - he had been homeschooled up to this school year - feeds the rabbits, and whatever odd jobs there are about the place which my arm and back injuries preclude me from doing. DS keeps his room very tidy, but this is where my DD falls down in chores - her room often looks as if a tidal wave hit it. She is really working hard on remedying this, though, but we had to resort to a little bribery (30 days in a row of clean to MY standards - which aren't stringent, but far higher than hers - and she will get... something, to be determined. I plan on taking her out for a girls' only lunch, which she loves to do.).

Cheers
Andrea
NZ

[Milims]

I think that perhaps the problem stems from when they were little. Although I tried really hard to give them some kind of independant personal routine - about washing, tidying their rooms, dressing etc and simple chores, I ended up doing myself to keep the peace with my x for fear of reprisal. However, over the last 7 years I've tried everything to get them to perform - but they just don't seem to get it. I know they can do it - they proved it when ever they stayed with my parents - and my mother is very exacting in her standards - but it just seems like at home they switch off!

[Annpan]

Typical teens I fear Milims in the past few weeks I have had both my sisters talking to me about problems with their kids... and they are good kids, they are just teenagers.


I am sorry you are having such a hard time...

[farmerdrea]

I can understand the "they're just teenagers" to an extent, but I don't think it should be used to excuse them from being civilised human beings and part of a family unit. And really, it doesn't have to be typical. I am sorry you are having such a difficult time, Milims, and it will get better (our 16 year old for 2 years was very difficult to live with for nearly 2 years, but the chores still always got done... he's come out the other end of the difficult period as a mature, caring person, so there is hope!).

Andrea
NZ

[ina]

I don't have this problem, and honestly have no idea why not. Mine are 11 and 16, and have always had lots of chores, but we've always approached the things that need doing are part of the family's responsibilities as a team (not like a sports team, just a cohesive group...). So what about stopping doing anything for them, after a family meeting to explain it, to demonstrate this?

I think that's what I'd do, too - just tell them, if there's no input from them, tough luck, you won't do anything for them, either! No food on the table, no clothes washed... No food bought for them either, so they can't just go and raid the fridge. They won't starve to death, don't worry...

[Masco&Bongo]

From being about 9 years old, I had chores to do.

I had to keep my room tidy (to my mums standards, not mine), look after the animals (1 cat, 1 dog, 2 rabbits) in terms of feeding, cleaning out, exercise etc.

As my mum worked full time, (she owned a shop), I also had to start tea when I got home from school - e.g. peel the potatoes and other veg and put them on to start cooking.
I also had jobs in the shop - I had to sweep and wash the floor every night and restock the crisps, sweets and fridges.

In a morning I would check off the bread delivery before I went to school/college and bag up any special orders.

Actually, I had a weekend job at 13 years old in a local bakery as well. I worked from 6am to lunchtime making sandwiches and serving customers.

If I didn't do my chores at home, then I didn't get any money. It was that simple. My mum always instilled into me that if she didn't work, then we wouldn't have any money. My job on a Saturday at the bakery earned me about £15 a week (that was 15 years ago at least).

[Millymollymandy]

I don't have this problem, and honestly have no idea why not. Mine are 11 and 16, and have always had lots of chores, but we've always approached the things that need doing are part of the family's responsibilities as a team (not like a sports team, just a cohesive group...). So what about stopping doing anything for them, after a family meeting to explain it, to demonstrate this?

I think that's what I'd do, too - just tell them, if there's no input from them, tough luck, you won't do anything for them, either! No food on the table, no clothes washed... No food bought for them either, so they can't just go and raid the fridge. They won't starve to death, don't worry...

I agree, and stop paying them for goodness sake to do the things they should be doing in the first place! They'll soon complain when they don't have any clean clothes to wear out in the evenings.