If you're referring to The Young Ones episode, Nev, this is from the script:
[They enter the launderette. Vyv's dust-bin liner full of laundry emits green smoke. A pair of knickers is too slow in following him. Vyv points at the knickers -- "Oi!''-- and they fly into the launderette after him. Several people flee the laund erette, choking and gagging.]
[SCENE: in the launderette.]
NEIL: Come on, guys. Like, the sooner we start, like, the sooner we finish.
RICK: Hah! They said that about...eh...uh...Something that took a long time to finish.
VYVYAN: I hate these places. They're so depressing. You know, Michael, I would rather go to a lecture than a launderette.
MIKE: Come on, Vyvyan, don't exaggerate.
RICK: [Tugging at Mike's sleeve] Hey, I know a joke about that as well. Listen, pay attention to me. "I told you a million times, do not exaggerate!" [Rick laughs; Mike stares at him] Get on with it, Neil.
[Neil stuffs laundry into a washing machine, which spits it back out.]
WASHING MACHINE: No way!
NEIL: Oh, wow! Technofear! It's happening again! All the machinery's ganging up on me! Vyvyan!
VYVYAN: Get out of the way, Neil! Me and machinery have a very special understanding. [He talks to the machine] Now then, don't give me any gip, you bastard.
[All the washing machines in the row slam shut their doors oneby one as Vyv approaches]
VYVYAN: Oh dear. [Sotto to the guys] This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence. [Loudly] Oh, la-di-da! Look what I found in my laundry bag. All of Felicity Kendall's underwear, that needs a good wash!
[The machine makes a lecherous sound and opens its door.]
VYVYAN: NOW!
[The guys stuff their laundry into the machine, which gags and shakes in protest. The others hold the door shut as Mike reads the operating instructions.]
MIKE: Now, "make sure that the door is firmly closed" -- no, we've done that -- right, "fill the tray with powder" -- Powder! What do they mean, "powder"? Gunpowder, curry powder, cocaine? I mean, what's on their minds?
NEIL: Maybe they mean washing powder, Mike. Um...Oh, look, maybe if we got all the horrid sludgy bits out of the other machines we could get enough.
MIKE: Neil, you carry on...Right, "if you require conditioner..." Well, do we?
[Neil collects some sludgy bits and tastes them. He lookssurprised, and eats some more.]
RICK: No, Mike, that's just for people washing their hair.
MIKE: No, we don't want to go mad. Right, "Insert two 50-pence pieces..."
[All action stops suddenly]
[SCENE: The guys are back sitting dejectedly at the kitchen table.]
NEIL: Come on, guys, I don't think we should let this experience bring us down. I mean, what's so wrong with dirty clothes, anyway?
RICK: Yeah! You know what they say, "dirty pants, clean botty!"
[Close up on Mike, with ***several frames from "The End" of an old Western film*** edited in]
MIKE: "Dirty duvet, dirty mind."
VYVYAN: My knickers are so old, it's only the stubborn understains that are holding them together!
RICK: Yeah, right on! One thing's for sure -- when Lenin led the revolution in Russia, no way did he do it with a spotless bott!
VYVYAN: YEAH! I LOVE MY BOTTOM SPOTTY!
NEIL: Yeah...Yeah...Let's never wash our clothes again!
MIKE: What do you mean, "again"?
NEIL: Yeah, yeah, we could be, like, the dirtiest students in the whole world.
MIKE: Hey, now there's a challenge!
FYI, the episode is called
Bambi and you can access the script, and others from the series, at:
http://www.4q.dk/a51/viewpage.php?page_id=7
