Barbecue Etiquette :D

[Shirley]

Barbecue Season

After the long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking, as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is some danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events are put into motion:

1) The woman buys the food.
2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - drink in hand.

Here comes the important part:

4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

[Hillbilly]

Absolutely brilliant

[Millymollymandy]

Men. The one great thing about BBQ's is that lovely smell of food cooking on it, only I usually miss it because I'm indoors doing all of the above!

[Andy Hamilton]

in our house for our last barbeque it was somewhat different.

emma says lets have a barbeque and set about inviting everyone. she then realises that we don't have a barbeque and I get dragged down to the shopping complex. (real hell on earth). She chooses one then I get to carry it home and make it up. She then thinks WE need charcoal so, as I am not working could I go and get some.

Then I buy the meat, set up the barbeque cook and deservedly get rat arsed.

Oh and we both made the extras.

[Shirley]

I did hesitate about posting it on here because I know that the blokes that do post on here are probably an exception to the rule!!!

Anyway... while we are on the subject... what do we all use for charcoal?

Local? lumpwood? make your own? other??

http://www.commandleisure.co.uk/charcoal.htm
http://www.settle.org.uk/craven%20charcoal

[shiney]

Shirlz this is soooo true. It's definately a bloke thing.

Jools does the very same. I reckon we should say (I mean the gals) 'I want a BBQ, you'd better get cracking!' Then get a glass of wine, a deck chair and a mag.

Let's see if said BBQ actually comes to fruition.

[hedgewizard]

Local? lumpwood? make your own? other??

Other. Definitely other. Haven't even thought about it! Actually, since we have about 0.6 BBQs a year, this is way down my list...

[ina]

Actually, since we have about 0.6 BBQs a year, this is way down my list...

I feel a bit the same... I must admit, I have one of those instant BBQs for 99p somewhere in the garage, from last year. It'll probably last me another 3 years, at the current rate - it's hardly worth it going searching for local/sustainable or "other" charcoal! I usually end up eating mostly salads anyway; for me, the barbie might as well happen without the meaty bits...

[Tigerhair]

When we were in Yorks the other week, the camp site was selling locally produced lumpwood... which was cool. Actually it was VERY hot!

[Wombat]

Works for me!

Nev

[Wombat]

Then I buy the meat, set up the barbeque cook and deservedly get rat arsed.

That is soooooo funny!

Nev

[AnnetteR]

Very funny. :) For the record though, my dad loved cooking and when he cooked he did all the prep work and cooking. He was also the avid fisherman that cleaned and cooked his own fish.

[Stonehead]

Ah, Shirley, you shouldn't post jokes like that until after the barbecue!

Otherwise, you may not get any of the ginger beer we've just made, giving us a grand collection of three gallons of ginger beer, three gallons of cider, five gallons of nettle beer and somewhere around 30 bottles of barley wine...

Unfortunately there's not enough time to make any stout in time, but that little lot should get the Aberdeenshire Midsummer's Eve barbecue off and kicking!

Stonehead

PS If there are any other Aberdeenshire (or parts nearby) Ishers around, please get in touch if you'd like to come over for the barbecue on June 24. Comfy grass patches available for sleeping off the effects of the above...

[Stonehead]

Otherwise, you may not get any of the ginger beer we've just made, giving us a grand collection of three gallons of ginger beer, three gallons of cider, five gallons of nettle beer and somewhere around 30 bottles of barley wine...

We've just taste a small-ish sample of the nettle beer, to which we added the finings this afternoon. It's pleasantly herbal, nice aftertaste, slightly dry and definitely has va-va-voom! Downsides are that it's still looking slightly swampy...

We're kegging it tomorrow and will add some more sugar for the secondary fermenation, so it's looking good.

Stonehead