ARRRGH Children please please give me advice!

[Millymollymandy]

Ha ha ha !!!

[Zech]

and people think I'm a bit strange for choosing not to have children!

[Jessiebean]

Well obviously I am the strange one! the even odder thing is we are both still clucky to certain degree too- when we see a baby we both go awwwww and my darling husband say- "we need more bubbies"...some kind of strong very strange primitive urge in us which is decidely insane in the face of rational thought processes. Sigh.

[Big Al]

I woke from a lovely dream about harvesting carrots and redesigning the vegie garden to find my two year old had been busy. He was standing in the middle of the kitchen falling over and screaming in the mess he had just created 13 eggs and a litre of milk ALL over the floor. Dry weet-bix crumbled onto the table and more milk on them I have never seen so much chaos. For future reference it is extremely difficult to clean up that much egg especially before coffee. Master Two can climb, move chairs and undo any latch now and he is out of control with big brother happy to watch but not let us know what is happening as he think he can avoid blame that way (he has another think coming!). I know it is "the age" and that "boys will be boys" but I find it hard to believe that other people's children behave like this too? Is there really this much chaos and stress in other households with small boys residing within? If so why do we have children- I am beginning to think I should have had more hens and perhaps a small pig instead... does anyone want to swap?
What makes it harder is they are so cute and it is difficult to stay mad with them but I have no idea how to alter this behaviour...
I don't know how much more of this can take without a complete meltdown

The PC brigade will love me but my son is now 21 so he was 2 in 1991 not 2010 so a lot different to your darlings but my son knew from a very early age that if he did anything like this he would get his arse smacked damn hard and he did occasionally. He knew how far to push me, me being the stay at home parent before he got a smack and it hasn't done him any harm. He had a loving up bringing, freedom to express himself in the right places at the right time and he was allowed to take risks all be it controled risks. He knew what I would and would not tollerate and now at 21 having graduated with a 1-1 in psychology he is happy working and living a few miles away but he still comes home when he is hungry or wants pampering. He never had any sweets until he was at nursery aged 4 because we never let him have any. He didn't get drunk until 18 and only had his first drink 4 months before his 18th birthday. Some people say that kids will be kids but if you let them get away with the likes of this without punishment then you won't be able to do anything next time they do something you don't like.

Small children need to know boundries and that there are consequenses if they overstep the boundries. At the same time they need to be praised for good behaviour and encourged to blossem with love and care.

At least that is my take on your request for help.
Only you can decide what to do but

[Millymollymandy]

We all got walloped back in my day which is probably why I don't remember doing anything like this. But then I don't remember being 2 years old anyway.

[boboff]

I agree with Al, but I didn't say so before, becuase people shout at you !

A friend once told me that it's the same with training a working dog, if you tell them off for doing something really bad then you have to "break" the dog, he said that this is the same with children, and I think before the age of 5 or 6, this is probably true, however it doesn't HAVE to be physical.

[TheGoodEarth]

My mum used to whack us with a slipper but it was so funny her chasing us around the room that it never seemed like a telling off. The problem I have with hitting children is that it only happens because YOU are angry and I think it is unfair to offload your own anger on a small child. It is very rare a smacking is done by a controlled straight thinking parent, more often it is uncontrolled rage. For these reasons I don't hit our daughter.

[oldjerry]

Great new way to save hardworking taxpayers even more money,replace vastly overpaid primary teachers with any old unemployed person with a cattle prod, it'll do the little swines good at the same time.......bonus!

[Jessiebean]

We had a much better day today. I do put this down to liberal threatenings last night. It was wooden spoon time. Not yet used (I seriously hope we never have to) but brandishing it threateningly got through a little better. Our little men know the flat side of my hand if they ignore me when I try to get them to stop near a road or deliberately ignore me when I tell them to stop when they are doing something dangerous. I wasn't smacked as a child but I was naturally nervous and fearful. I reached adolescence before I would use the word bum and I wouldn't backchat adults (although I did talk incessantly and was a bit precocious and almost defintely quite annoying with it) unlike my children- the fouryear old relishes dirty talk and backchats constantly whilst doing dangerous things and ignoring our requests until the third or fourth time we ask- if there was a way without samcking or threats of worse that actaullly worked I would use them but if we are not hardline we get walked all over and ignored. Have tried every technique in child rearing books but they only work for a limited time- then the little buggers cotton on to the fact it is a technique and return to rioting...

[oldjerry]

[quote="oldjerry"]Great new way to save hardworking taxpayers even more money,replace vastly overpaid primary teachers with any old unemployed person with a cattle prod, it'll do the little swines good at the same time.......bonus!





Given everyone else's views on bringing up kids, I'd like to point out that was s'posed to be ironic.

[boboff]

You got me thinking with this thread.

When our little boy was 3 or 4, he was being a complete arse at Christmas, overexcited etc etc, we tried all sorts to sort him out but nothing lasted.

In the end I put him in bed and explained that he was spoiling our christmas, and that I was going to spoil his, I took his new spider man toy nanny had given him and with great effort ripped his head of and through the bits at him and told him to go to sleep. He was obviously devastated, however his behaviour improved substantially, as only a little "don't start" was enough to get him back in line.

Now I didn't loose my temper or hit him, but it was an act of aggression which I did regret, and I did replace his toy (luckily in the sale!) but he still talked about it a couple of years after.

It is too simple to say it's a pack thing, but I do think a child who knows his or her place is a happier child, Love is the corresponding important thing to show, but it is a balance.

My daughter on the other hand was a relative angel, except when she broke a Christening present and lied about it, a tongue rub with imperial leather soon put pay to that, and now at ten she still remembers it!

Goodness, I never had me down as such a Victorian Dad! Appreciate that Jerry was being Ironic!

Oh and Jessie, I live near Launceston (Pn Lanson) in Cornwall, is there a connection to where you are?

[oldjerry]

If I hit a stranger in a pub is that OK? I hope my kids know their place, as part a dysfunctional and chaotic(but hopefully loving) family,I don't assault women ,and I don't assault children.
I had plenty of that when i was at school(till dad found out),the sad men who did it would be at least 90 by now,I just hope they didn't make it.

[Rosendula]

It was wooden spoon time. Not yet used (I seriously hope we never have to) but brandishing it threateningly got through a little better. Our little men know the flat side of my hand if they ignore me when I try to get them to stop near a road or deliberately ignore me when I tell them to stop when they are doing something dangerous. I

Perhaps instead of behaving so violently towards your children, perhaps instead of threatening them with weapons, you might like to try supervising them. As their role model, what behaviour do you want them to grow up thinking is normal?

[crowsashes]

supervising them doesn't mean they will be little angels. they still get adventurous/brave/ curious and kids will STILL try and push you.

im on my own raising just one and i NEED eyes everywhere. he cant come in the kitchen ( its not exactly big or safe) so what do you do with them while you cook/load the washing machine etc.

he gets a smack if hes done something wrong but usually only if its the second or third time hes done it . time out for the first time but then what do you do?

how will a child learn what they are supposed to do if they dont understand what you are telling them. i have a 3 year old he understands some things not everything , he knows what hot is but cant understand that a hot oven will burn his hand if he touches it! believe me when i have said everything to explain it but still a blank face, short of letting him get second degree burns how do you get across oven = dangerous and hot? sometimes a slap is the only way.

he knows his boundaries and it is sad that i have to use a threat to get it across but by putting them in place he is learning what is acceptable, what isn't.

[Big Al]

Told you this would get people going....

It's an age thing really. A couple of hundred years ago we were sticking children up chimneys ( can I borrow yours [ the 2 year old] as I have a small chimney needing cleaned) then the " do gooders" stopped that. I smacked my son until he was about 3 from memory but again that was back in 1992 when smacking was more acceptable. To put this in context both my uncle's house and ours had open coal fires in the 60's / 70's. If he caugh his children doing anything wrong he would tell his children to get their toys out, play with them for a few minutes and then ask what their favourite toys were. When they picked their toys he would thrown them on the open fire and make them watch the toys burn. To me he would stick a fork in my foot to see if I would burst ( because I was a fat child) . S if you think a small smack these days is bad you only have to think of those who had sadistic bastards in their families.