Argh! A Rant about people!

[the.fee.fairy]

I know that i can post here to rant...i love Ish!

I live with this girl who told me in the first week that everyone looks after her at home...she has a big shock coming...

Anyway, this girl is useless, really useless. She doesn't clean, doesn't cook and doesn't even sweep the floor occasionally. I've even had to hang out her washing when i want to do mine.

So, today, she's gone over the line. It has really pissed me off! It sounds so stupid and inconsequential, but she took my playing cards to aother flat...and left them there. This has really irritated me because although theyre only playing cards, they're MY playing cards that she's taken without permission to somewhere else, and now i have 2 jokers and a jack...no-one's quite sure where the rest are. I'm really annoyed, how dare she take something without asking and then lose most of the cards?! Its not just cards, i bought two bottles of water (we have to have the water filter machine things for drinkinng) and one of those has disappeared...I bought 4 mugs...there's 1 left...

Why am i havig to provide for everyone else? They've got a pack of cards in the boys' apartment, a complete pack, yet she has to take mine...they're all capable of buying water, yet, they have to take the water that i bought for this place. Its all such small, stupid things, but its really irritating me now. I'm not here to provide everything, or to organise everyone else, yet this is how its turning out.

I think its because i'm older than them, and therefore, more organised, more domesticated, yet i don't want to be treated like a mother, i'm not their mother!

Anyway...thanks for the ranting space Ish!

Anyone got any tips for how i can deal with this without blowing up into a massive argument? I did say to her today that the next time she wants to use something of mine, maybe she should ask permission... But i'm sick of beign the provider, i don't want to have to hide things in my room, i live here too, but at the same time, i'm fed up with being taken advantage of all the time! Help Ish!

[Rosendula]

It's awful when you are put upon like that isn't it. I remember being the only one who ever bought coffee, sugar or milk for the office, but everyone drank it and no-one contributed. I was the lowest paid there as well. It really got my goat one day when I was out of the office and popped into a local shop only to have the shop keeper tell me the office had rang and said if I go in will they ask me to buy some tea! I don't even drink tea! Aaarrgghh!

Anyway, that doesn't help in any practical way does it? All I can think of at the moment is to buy some big labels, write your name on them and stick them on everything that's yours. I'm not sure if it would work, as this girl obviously doesn't have any respect, but it might make other people she sees notice what's happening. If your cards had your name on, the other people *might* have been more careful with them. She might not feel quite so comfortable about drinking a drink with your name on. Although I suppose she could just peel it off. I'm not sure, but I think that would be the first thing I would try because I hate confronting people and making them uncomfortable. Even when they are totally out of order, like this girl is, I can't stand the thought of embarrassing them. I'm hoping I'll grow out of it one day.

[Millymollymandy]

What nationality is she Fee? It might be perfectly normal acceptable behaviour in her culture.

In the meantime hide everything in your room and if you haven't got a lock then try to get one installed.

[Green Aura]

It sounds like student life - there's always someone less mature, or less considerate or something like that.

I don't know whether it's cultural or selfish, but if you're going to be sharing for a while you need to learn how to live together amicably or it's going to be a long, lonely stint.

I'm afraid MMM's right - anything that matters to you keep in your room and only leave out things that are of no consequence if she finshes/breaks/run off with.

Plus, if she has to provide for herself, she might just start to realise what things cost to replace and learn to value them a little better.

[Thomzo]

Well I certainly wouldn't hang her washing out again. If it's in the machine and you want to use it then take her washing out and just dump it on the floor (leave it all crumpled in the basket if you are feeling kind).

But I would also have a think about why she is like this? You say that her family do everything for her. So she simply doesn't realise that the rest of the world isn't the same.

Rather than blowing up at her, just sit her down one day when you are feeling calmer and tell her that she HAS to pull her weight and she must leave your stuff alone. Tell her that if she doesn't know how to use the vacuum or clean the sink, you will show her. If she doesn't then just keep sitting her down and telling her, calmly, that she has to pull her weight etc. She will, eventually get the message but it might take a while. Look on her as just another pupil.

Zoe

[thesunflowergal]

Oh Hun my heart goes out to you. I can't offer any additional advice, other than put your foot down and be strong.

I used to share a flat with a girl who was a total nightmare. It started out that she would never clean up, never change her own cats litter tray, do her washing (she had dirty G-string stuck to the wall for weeks ), wash herself etc etc. All of this was a bit of a nightmare, but I could handle it. Then my clothes started to disappear, most of them permanently. The only ones I got back where clothes that she had ruined, she was a hairdresser and used to get bleach on them. I used to ask her not to do this etc and stay out of my room, but it did not do any good.
The worst was yet to come; she started telling everyone that my bf was hers, that my car was hers. I moved out bloody quickly when I found out that she was introducing herself to people as me. I never spoke to her again, and I did not get my stuff back either!!

Good luck in sorting her out.

[Thomzo]

Yikes, Sunflowergal, what a nightmare. She sounds a total nutter. I bet you were glad to get out of there!

Cheers
Zoe

[thesunflowergal]

Zoe

She was a total freak!!

Nikki

[MKG]

Set the dogs on her, Fee, and keep a very large pet spider in your cupboard.

But seriously, if you DON'T tell her to lay off, she'll take you for a soft touch and do it all the more. I hate confrontational situations, but sometimes you really have to get tough, I'm afraid.

I could be completely off beam (I think not), but I'm fairly sure that the culture which allows anyone to simply commandeer other people's stuff doesn't exist.

Mike

[the.fee.fairy]

SHe's Irish, a spoilt little irish girl.

She has a credit card to use that her parents pay off every month, regardless of the balance.

I'll try talking to her rationally...if she's in, she's got a boyfriend who's as much a user as she is - guess where the water bottle went...and the mugs...She's usually at her boyfriend's flat.

[suziq]

having lived in shared houses, i know how difficult it can be
tell her it straight, lock up your kit and let her get on with it
sunflower............ that has a ring of the film 'single white female' scarey!

[spitfire]

please don't think that the fact that she is IRISH has anything to do with her problem. she is just a spoiled brat period...........
lock your stuff up and when she feels like borowing something tell her you will need a deposit. or her credit card number so you can charge a replacment of the item to her card if the item is not returned promptly.

[the.fee.fairy]

Oooh...good plan!

I know its not the fact that she's irish (and boy don't we know it - every conversation she has comes back to Ireland), ts just the fact that she's spoilt and can't look after herself!

[eccentric_emma]

Oh no Fee! Let us know how its goes. Not often on Ish now as I'm very busy in Portugal on the quinta but am keeping an eye on it every now and then!

emma xxx

[Martina]

fee.fairy,
This girl is thick-straight up. You need to solve this problem at the front and backend all at once. Tell her straight to grow up, take care of her stuff and leave yours alone. Then set it up so that she can't fail. That is, lock your stuff up, ask for money any time she takes foodstuff (even keep a running tally posted somewhere very public until its paid) and leave laundry that is incomplete in a pile somewhere. She will get it eventually. As far as living peacefully with someone, that's fine and good when the someone is on your level. But she is too self-centred to live WITH anyone she only knows how to live OFF people. She needs to be educated on how to live alone and treat people first.

Good luck.

Martina