any ideas? sorry its long

[emmsy]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/food/Story/0,,1828158,00.html

[Mr and Mrs luvpie]

Ok so the Dr has decided to do a stool sample and has documented the problems we have been having, so now just got to wait for those results before he will refer him to the specialist. Luckily I've worked with the dr on and off for the past 10 yrs so he is well aware of what my ex is like so he documented the refusal to keep dairy free so that should I need to use anything in the future it is there.

I of course sent the dad a text informing him that a sample needs to be tested and can he please keep a food diary of what and how much of everything he gives the boy, so that we can find out where his tolerence level is, if dairy is the problem, 3.5 hrs later the concerned father replied 'you can put down crap for the next two days while his with me for what i've fed him'

YAY for once he is honest!

Oh Emmsy he used to love goats milk but the smell of it really turned my stomach, but if this is a long term thing then we will be trying that again as he really doesn't like the soya stuff.

Thanks for everyones support/replies and sorry for the rant, the boys have had a smashing night, helped slightly by their running coach making a big fuss of having them for another evenings training - she is also not a fan of their dad, and would love to train them every tuesday

Anyway having had a great evening me and Mr Luvpie are now going to get pleasantly drunk in the garden on Rhubarb schnapps whilst weeding the leeks.

[Mr and Mrs luvpie]

Ok so the sample was delivered but unfortunately due to us having a small village hospital in newmarket by the time they sent the sample to the lab it was almost 10 hrs after it was taken, the sample can back as normal, with a note stating that a true result can only be given if tested within 2 hrs, so today a new sample needs to be done and I'll take it to the hospital myself to make sure they get it.

Because of him having to be eating dairy for the sample and his father refusing to go DF we have had the same number of accidents in 4 days as we had in a month of DF with nothing else changing in his life then both myself and his gp are pretty convinced that dairy holds the key, his father on the other hand spent 30 mins on the phone last night telling me that he had less accidents on dairy free but that wasn't the answer I tried to explain to him that, for example if a kid had a cold and you knew that the cough mixture wasn't going to get rid of the cold but might help the kid stop coughing for long enough to be able to get to sleep you'd give it to him, so why not give him food that helps his tummy even just a little bit, it was at that point I got accused of not telling him what cough mixture i used on the boys when they were unwell so that he could use it too that was also the point that i hung up the phone!!

He did call back and obviously something has sunk in as now he has agreed to DF but just to prove me wrong of course, a victory for the luvpie household i feel

[Rod in Japan]

On a number of bulletin boards, I've seen similar threads about uncooperative ex-spouses. It's a sad story, and there's an element of 'there but for the grace of God' about it.

It occurs to me that you only really have two choices, neither of them attractive;
1) Have the ex-partner whacked
2) Beg and grovel to get your way*
Since neither are attractive, neither are taken, which means everybody involved suffers.

If it were me, since I wouldn't want everybody else to suffer, I'd have to choose 2), and try to like it.

* Really, really beg and grovel. Go round and beg and grovel. Beg and grovel to the current beloved too. And if you can't bring yourself to do that, have 'em whacked.

[Milims]

On a number of bulletin boards, I've seen similar threads about uncooperative ex-spouses. It's a sad story, and there's an element of 'there but for the grace of God' about it.

It occurs to me that you only really have two choices, neither of them attractive;
1) Have the ex-partner whacked
2) Beg and grovel to get your way*
Since neither are attractive, neither are taken, which means everybody involved suffers.

If it were me, since I wouldn't want everybody else to suffer, I'd have to choose 2), and try to like it.

* Really, really beg and grovel. Go round and beg and grovel. Beg and grovel to the current beloved too. And if you can't bring yourself to do that, have 'em whacked.

There is actually a third- I know cos I've done it!
Simply tell them in no uncertain circumstances that you are NOT going to put up with their behaviour any longer, and if they don't stop immediately you WILL take further action which will cause them more more hassle and embarrasment than they can handle! I does help if you have a copy of their own (stupid, pack of lies, idiotic, ridiculous, unbelieveable) statement that they made to the court that you can post to their new spouse/partner/boss/mother/newspaper etc - and you can't be done for liable - cos they said it themselves, it's a legal document, notorised by the court and I believe that it is publically accessible!

[Rod in Japan]

That's certainly an option worth considering too. But it needs to be applied in a well-planned, very determined manner, within a short time-frame. A lot of people aren't capable of it. And if at any stage the legal apparatus lets you down, as it often does in the most unpredictable and unaccountable ways, you're back beyond even square one.

I've tended all my life to go the legalistic route with problems, and I still do sometimes. But I often get the feeling that it isn't optimal in the split family situation, even though it's used a lot.

[Milims]

The threat of it is often enough to scare them off! And the thing is they stay away 'cos they know it can be done at any time. It's also very empowering for someone who has been bullied and threatened for a very long time to be able for once to stand up and say NO and know that they have the back up to see it thru if they need to. I do agree that it is an unpleasant situation to be in, and certainly not condusive to a happy (split) family situation - I'm sure that ultimately we all want to be civilised human beings no matter how difficult the situation - it's just unfortunate that there are those out there that are so hell bent on destroying someone else that they take a lot of stopping.

[Devon Dumpling]

I just think that it is really sad that some ex-spouses seem to love their children so little that they use them as ammo to get back at their ex

I feel for you, Mrs Luvvie and your boys x

[Berti]

hugs and all the power to you, mrsLuvpie. this kind of things really makes me barking mad (also am a divorced mom)

I was wondering if in the UK goes the same as goes here, though it takes a long breath......(and a filled wallet)
if the doc DOES say that your little one needs to go on dairy free, that's important for its health, and your ex (darn him) refuses to do so, can you call on a lawyer and get him fined if he keeps refusing?
parents are supposed to take care of kids, and so is he!
hugs to your little one too.......

berti

[Mr and Mrs luvpie]

Ok so where are we now? Ex is still alive although I did like the first suggestion of Rods, Mr Luvpie has recently told him where to go as abusive texts were increasing again, and so far it has been quiet.

More importantly he is sticking to a dairy free diet, unfortunately although this diet has dramatically reduced the accidents being had, the most recent samples that were tested came back normal - the Dr had warned me that this might be the case as it is supposedly very hard to detect properly, but because of this Barney is now going to be screened for coeliacs, anaemia and anything else the dr can think of before thursday when he has his blood test, and so now it is just a case of sitting and waiting till his appointment at the hospital comes through for the peds services.

I have obviously told his father, by letter what the gp has done, I may however have forgotten to say the test was clear, it would be far to hard to explain to him that it could have just been that Barney hadn't had enough dairy to trigger a reaction.

On a plus note the local school burnt down today - eldest son wanted to go there, I had picked the other school in town based on ofsted reports and friends experiences, obvioulsy this meant his dad had sided with him to keep him happy - oh well no choice now is there!

[Ratty]

I'd personally refuse to let this man see his children. He sounds like he doesn't deserve their lovely company. But I am probably biaised that way because my son never saw his good-for-nothing father after we separated, and since I have had contact with the girl with whom he had a daughter after, I know I made the right decision.

I have a lactose intolerance and it is painful and unpleasant. Why this man would want to subject his own son to such discomfort is beyond me. Life is far too short to spend it with horrible people!

Very emotive subject for me. Sorry. Hoping for the best outcome for your boys x

[Mr and Mrs luvpie]

Ok after 4 months of waiting my son was seen by the dietician yesterday, the very nice lady has insisted that he be on a dairy free diet for 12 months, supposedly this gives the body time to heal itself and then after this period of time she will re-introduce dairy slowly to see if he can tolerate any amount. His dad has agreed to follow this to the letter, which is nice as according to her not a single chocolate button must pass his lips. (The dad has also agreed to stop giving him chocolate milkshake for breakfast ).

The other plus point is that the dietician has agreed that if my son try some different milks in the next month, oat & rice if he still can't find one he likes then she will give him calcium supplements to ensure that he gets all he needs, she is also going to monitor his growth to ensure that that does not suffer as a result of not having dairy and its related fats in his diet.

So I now have my chocolate moulds and am off to make dairy free chocolate sweets to go into our advent calendar.

[lubeyblue]

Hello,

sorry you've had such a rotten time! I'm glad you've come to an understanding with your ex...about time, hey? I only replied to offer some reasurance. Me ad my sis are both intolerant to milk and were completely dairy free from 5years e onwards. We're both healthy adults with healthy bubbas of our own! Just thought it mght help to hear from someone who's lived it and come out the other side. We can both tolerate small amounts of dairy now which is good.
Well, good for you cracking on and getting it sorted, here's hoping your lo can start to put this all behind him, after all, I bet he's got lots of better things to do hasn't he??!

xxx Lucy