Had to pass this on

[mrsflibble]

sorry, i know it's old but it made me chortle.

"A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Monday Morning.

Epicentre : Basildon, Essex

Victims were seen wondering around muttering "fackin ell" and "Whatta cant". The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Many priceless collections of mementoes from the Balaerics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair.

Three Areas, of historic burnt cars, were disturbed. Many residents were awoken well before their benefit payments had arrived. Essex FM (Local Radio station) reported hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms that something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident - Tracey Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of 5 said "It was well bad, my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying, my Wayne had to play with her on his Playstation. My Youngest two Tyler-Morgan Versace and Dolce Gabana slept right through it though. I was still shaking when I was watching the Jeremy Kyle Show."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal

Rescue Workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantites of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke (at Argos) and Bone china from Poundland.

How Can You Help???

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels are for the worse affected areas. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:

Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)
Shell suits (female)
White Sports socks
Rockport boots and any other clothing from Primark

Food Parcels are also required, these include:

Microwave meals
Tins of baked beans
Ice Cream
Cans of Colt 45
Large bottles of White Lightning

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms and more benefit forms, £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9, £5 will pay for a pack of B&H and a lighter

PLEASE DO NOT send tents for shelter, as the sight of this posh housing will be unfair for those living in neighbouring areas of Vange, Pitsea and Laindon.

This is a broadcast message on behalf of Save the Chavs Ltd"