Care of the elderly

[Milims]

Here is the plot.... essentially my Dad is dying. He has heart failure and kidney failure among other things, but these are the most "in your face". He's in hospital at present, but this is a common state of affairs. The difference this time is he's in the local cottage hospital, it has one ward and pretty much specialises in the elderly. We realise that his time is limited and would really like to make it as happy, comfortable and fulfilling as possible. When he's at home I go every morning to make sure he's washed/showered, dressed, has his breakfast, my Mam has hers, they both have their meds and are set up for the day. I've also said that I'll go and stay one night a week so that my Mam can have a good sleep while I take care of him thru the night. So, my query is - what services are available to make his life more erm.....fun, easy, enjoyable etc? We've been in touch with Social Services, but quite frankly they are about as much use as a tissue paper bath! They gave him a bed lifter thingy that sat in the hall for 6 weeks before they bothered to do anything with it and then they found that it didn't fit! Their care manager left and they only found out 2 months later when my Mam rang to query a bill for Dad's visits to the day centre.......get the picture?

[chickenchargrill]

Gosh. Well, what do you want for him? What does he want? Obviously, it depends on your area as to what services are available for him. If it's day care type stuff like coffee mornings, bingo and such, you're more likely to find out where they are through local churches or ring a local council run care home. If it's stuff like stair lifts and aids, keep bugging them and bugging them. By them, I mean every 'professional' involved in his care, district nurses are probably you're best bet for getting info out of.

[red]

nothing much in the way of advice to offer. wonder if it is worth contacting charities relating to your Dad's ailments.. I was thinking how good macmillan nurses are.. and wondered if there was something similar. and you could look at carers uk - aimed at carers - nothing like advice from people in a similar position.

[Milims]

Thanks Red - I'm already in touch with Carers UK - as I also care for my partner - TBH round here they offer "nice" days out and the occasional meeting 30 miles away, so I don't really make use of them. I'm thinking that the local hospice care place may be the most useful - although he's not quite at hospice level yet.

[noplasticbags]

I would agree with trying the local hospice. My uncle never was admitted in the end - managed to stay at home, but used to go one day per week to give my aunt a break, and to get him used to it incase it became necessary. He was not the sort of man who "joined in" anything, but he really enjoyed it there. I think he even realised that it was something that was good for my aunt too so that at least one day per week she was not worried.

Not what you asked, but are you sure your parents are getting all the benefits they are entitled to ( my work involves those who abuse the system and it makes me mad that there are so many people out there who should be getting financial assistance and don't get it)? If you're not sure they are, I would reccommend getting in touch with whatever Age Concern are called nowadays. They ususally have someone who will do an assessment and check it for you. Money won't make it better, but would help with cab fares, whatever nice food your dad fancies etc.

If all else fails, the power of an MP's letter to social services cannot be under-estimated

The other approach is to ask social services to assess YOU rather than your parents. When my mum had her stroke they were happy with her (as I was looking after her), but when I could no longer manage to look after her, hold down a job and raise 3 children, they assessed ME as needing help, so they had carers go in to her 3 times per day. (Very grateful to report that after 5 years she is almost free of any stroke symptoms now)