neeed some advice

[mrsflibble]

I know, but it was worth a mention.

[Mydreamlife]

I really fell for you...
First give new hubby a hug and tell him how great he is, not many men like him around,
next cuddle your kids and explain (if relivant- not sure on age) what is going on, if not just be prepared for any questions/comments relating to situation,
Finally tell old OH what a waste of space he is and that he really doesn't deserve to be a daddy.

Why do so many men forget that however selfsufficiet we are/dream of being money is essential in todays society. What is wrong with them????

[Hawthorn]

Good luck if you go to the CSA. I applied, ooooh, 7 years ago, and I get not a penny of my oldest threes dad. Off the youngest dad, I get £50 a month. He refuses to give me any more.
My husband works his ass off to pay for four kids who aren't his. I'm proud of him.
We manage just fine, and to be honest it's a big 'stick two fingers up' at the kids dads that we do
They'll learn as they get older just who does what for them.

I can't deny my kids access either. I'll leave it to them whether or not they want to go there.

[Thomzo]

He will get his just deserts when the girls are old enough to realise what he's really like. In the meantime, just encourage the girls to "pester" for treats whenever they see him. Even if it doesn't work, at least it'll irritate him

[Russian Doll]

He will get his just deserts when the girls are old enough to realise what he's really like. In the meantime, just encourage the girls to "pester" for treats whenever they see him. Even if it doesn't work, at least it'll irritate him

oooh we think alike...i banned eggs from the house this year...when the gilrs kicked up i said ask daddy i know thorntons do so lovely ones

[Thomzo]

oooh we think alike...i banned eggs from the house this year...when the gilrs kicked up i said ask daddy i know thorntons do so lovely ones

Brilliant - did it work?

[QuakerBear]

I can offer some advice from the childs point of view. I know it must be really hard for parents who are struggeling with not enough money, and doubely hard if one parent isn't giving what they should. But if you've got one loving and giving parental unit, you don't feel like you're missing out.

When I look back now I can see how much my mum struggeled, how hard it was for her, but we were still happy. Now I think, I had friends who had both parents, a warm house, lots of pocket money and stuff, but they weren't as wanted as me, nor was their company enjoyed as much as mine was. I think I had it better then they did and was contented (well as much as a young teenager can be what with boys and exams).

So Tea, please don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure your kids have allot more then most others.

[Russian Doll]

I can offer some advice from the childs point of view. I know it must be really hard for parents who are struggeling with not enough money, and doubely hard if one parent isn't giving what they should. But if you've got one loving and giving parental unit, you don't feel like you're missing out.

When I look back now I can see how much my mum struggeled, how hard it was for her, but we were still happy. Now I think, I had friends who had both parents, a warm house, lots of pocket money and stuff, but they weren't as wanted as me, nor was their company enjoyed as much as mine was. I think I had it better then they did and was contented (well as much as a young teenager can be what with boys and exams).

So Tea, please don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure your kids have allot more then most others.

thankyou hun....i think my oldest and the boys know this but my amy who is 6 is very much a material girl lol


thomzo yes it did..the girls managed to wheedle 4 eggs and a ds game out of him

[Milims]

i think my oldest and the boys know this but my amy who is 6 is very much a material girl lol
thomzo yes it did..the girls managed to wheedle 4 eggs and a ds game out of him

Well that just says it all! Your girls have him sussed!! He's the one who will give them stuff and in return they will give him nothing but demands for more stuff - no respect and no real love! Where as you are the one who will be there for them when they need you, you will be the one who holds them in the night when they are ill or afraid, you are the one who will be there to mop up the tears and the grazed knees an mend the broken hearts, you'll be the one who will see them through and watch them flourish, the one who will gain their respect and their love, you will see their smiles and you will have their heartfelt cuddles. And that is worth more than all the money in the world!

[oldfella]

Tea 690, I would would like to quote to you some thing my daughter wrote to me last year,

"We have been through some hard times you and I but in a way I'm glad because it taught me a lot about life. I know it was very hard for you and that you often had dark thoughts, but in a way I think that if we had stayed in England we probably would not have the same relationship as we do now.
I just wanted to say thank you for everything you have done and for the way you brought me up. I am what I am ( including the stubborn side) and have the family I have now, thanks to you.
I don't regret anything, the good times, the bad times, or even the hard times.
I love you Dad and I just needed to say it."


When we came to France back in the late 80s my wife had to stay in England due to work contracts so my daughter and I came on a head as we had arranged for my daughter to start school. Seven months after we arrived my wife wife filed for divorce and gave me custody of a 12yr old girl. Since that day we have had no contact with her and she has never made any attempt to contact me or my daughter, except though lawyers, which was only to make financial arrangements. At times, things were tight, but we got though, and my daughter is married to a great husband and great father to their two children, and has never heard from her mother since that time.
So you see Tea, if there any winners or losers in these matters I know how I feel. Good luck.
Eddy

[tim&fatima]

A very lovely post Eddy.

Your most definetly a winner.

[Russian Doll]

Tea 690, I would would like to quote to you some thing my daughter wrote to me last year,

"We have been through some hard times you and I but in a way I'm glad because it taught me a lot about life. I know it was very hard for you and that you often had dark thoughts, but in a way I think that if we had stayed in England we probably would not have the same relationship as we do now.
I just wanted to say thank you for everything you have done and for the way you brought me up. I am what I am ( including the stubborn side) and have the family I have now, thanks to you.
I don't regret anything, the good times, the bad times, or even the hard times.
I love you Dad and I just needed to say it."


When we came to France back in the late 80s my wife had to stay in England due to work contracts so my daughter and I came on a head as we had arranged for my daughter to start school. Seven months after we arrived my wife wife filed for divorce and gave me custody of a 12yr old girl. Since that day we have had no contact with her and she has never made any attempt to contact me or my daughter, except though lawyers, which was only to make financial arrangements. At times, things were tight, but we got though, and my daughter is married to a great husband and great father to their two children, and has never heard from her mother since that time.
So you see Tea, if there any winners or losers in these matters I know how I feel. Good luck.
Eddy

that made me cry...

seriously thanx guys you are all great...i had a long talk with the girls and told them straight that daddy cant give mummy anymore mummy at the monent so we will have to cut back a little bit...all they were worried about was if we could still afford to eat proper food..ie mummys cooking...so i think i was worried about nothing

[mrsflibble]

incidentally, my step dad is the most wonderful bloke in the world... next to my husband that is lol!!

just had a chat with him on googlechat while he's supposed to be working!!!

[emmsy]

okay i cant post this on my usual forum as its about the girls sperm doner and he trolls on there spying on me

basically he hasnt given me any money for two months,,he oly gives me 100 a month for the two girls and as mrs f will clarify that took a lot of work to get that

he says he isnt working ,,but my girls said today daddy is working mummy

i dont know what to think

if i go to the csa it could take forever as lets be honest the csa suck but i cant afford to leave it..hes not talking to me about it and im stuck..a hundred pounds a month down is a small fortune to me

any advice

hiya, i know you have had lots of replies but thought id add mine as i can see it from your side and the childrens side, i was a child whosparents divorced when i was young and i also have a child who has no contact whatsoever with his father(not my choice)

i have an 11yr old son, his father and i split up when he was 2 years old as he couldnt handle being a dad, he walked away. I was quite young and needed help financially and emotionally, i got the financial side from him. he set up a standing order when we first seperated and its been coming in ever since, i dont need this money anymore, so it goes straight into an account for mark for when he is 18

I have to be mum and dad for my son and it is horrible, my son sees his friends doing things with their dad and he feels left out. Money was important to start with but i would swap all the money in the world for my son to have his father in his life.

i was a child with divorced parents and they constantly argued over money/ how often i would be with who, where i'd be etc and it was horrible yes i had a mum and dad who loved me yet all they would do is argue and the majority of it would be about money, it made me feel like i was a bargaining tool

do your girls see their dad? do they have a good relationship with him?

if he is working then he is a jerk for not paying, try talk to him, i wish my parents had spoke about their situations rather than not talk and there be an atmosphere


sorry to ramble on but i thought id share as i know how hard split families can be

[baldowrie]

at the end of the day to deny access on the basis of maintenance is looked on very dimly in the courts, same goes if maintenance is denied because of lack of access. It is not the answer, it's blackmail.

Gather your evidence, as much as you can, and prove he is hiding income........if the inland revenue happen to hear about cash in hand jobs through a third party it would be an awful shame