Sleeping in Separate Bedrooms

[bonniethomas06]

Now here is a debate for those in couples...

I have just been talking to a colleague about her husband, who is driving her mental by snoring all night. The conversation progressed to the benefits of sleeping in separate rooms. I personally think that if you are spared the sight of your partner in just a T shirt and socks getting dressed in the morning; the dutch oven treatment; the morning dog breath etc then surely it can only do good things for the 'romance'? I mean, back in the glory days in a relationship, when things are fresh and new and exciting, you didn't see these things for a reason...

And surely, having your own 'bedroom', a little sanctuary - where you can be as messy/tidy as you like, hang what you like on the walls, turn the light off when you want, get a good nights sleep...does fantastic things for your peace of mind and sanity.

You could then 'visit' each others' rooms [x] number of nights a week - probably more often than not - but you would have your bolthole if you wanted it.

My grandparents did this for years as my grandad snored really badly - and they were fine. But I put this to my boyf and he was horrifified - as though I had told him I wanted to split up!! Funny - for me it would have been a positive thing, and not a sign that rather than not loving him any more, I wanted to make things even better between us. For him, if a couple doesn't sleep in the same bed, they may as well not be together - same for my pals husband.

It is not a problem...I just thought it was interesting to see the difference in approaches and how integral to a relationship sleeping in the same bed is.

Does anyone out there feel the same as me?!? [and prepared to admit it?]

[boboff]

I agreed to this with my first wife..... 6 months before she left me.

I still get a feeling of panic and guilt if I wake up and my current Wifes not there, as it used to happen occasionally if I was hammered and pulling the duvet off her, snoring, dropping my leg on her like a wrestler etc etc It's that feeling that you're going to get told off!

It's your choice obviously, and I am in no possition to give any advice, but if current Mrs Bob wanted to sleep seperately as she wanted her own space, I revolted her in the morning and kept her awake at night, I wouldn't look on it possitively at all.......

As for the fact you feel you can't hang things on your bedroom wall, turn the light off when you want to, these are probably issues that you can resolve without moving beds. As for bed breath.... *cough, doggie, *cough, sorry.....

Sorry, but then I am a Man!

[Millymollymandy]

What on earth is the Dutch Oven Treatment? Is this good or bad?

I can totally understand if one of the partners snores badly - sometimes I wish I could stomp off as I go to bed to sleep but my OH takes up a cuppa and reads for at least an hour, most of which time I lie there fed up and wishing he'd hurry up and turn the bloody light out!

[Susie]

What on earth is the Dutch Oven Treatment? Is this good or bad?

It's bad, MMM, unless you've got quite specialist tastes...

Bonnie, I think I actually wouldn't like sleeping in separate rooms, I would react like your boyfriend. But, horses for courses, because I know some people don't mind at all.

Although, my other half snores exactly like a great big hog, you have never heard anything like it. Also, he tucks the duvet underneath one side, then rolls over quickly so he rolls up in it and I am freezing, then growls in his sleep at me when I try to unroll him and pull it back. So perhaps I will rethink.

[Millymollymandy]

Aha, thank god for the Urban Dictionary!

[spider8]

We love to cuddle up at night but it does have it's problems as I also like to have some of the quilt over me and he snores in my ear. If his snoring gets too much - and I know I snore too but he sleeps through it without any problem, so he says (he could sleep through a brass band playing!) - I can go and sleep in the spare bed although he feels guilty in the morning of being the reason I had to move. We don't need to have a separate 'space' or retreat but hey, each to their own, just do whatever you have to to get a good nights sleep. I'm wishing he was here now but he's in hospital again as he's developed a DVT, first he breaks leg, then it gets infected and now this! Not sleeping together doesn't mean you don't love each other.

[pelmetman]

We slept apart for months on end when we were first married - (Dave was away overseas in Navy)

Its actually not as rare as is often let on. Over the years we have had lots of friends who have had separate bedrooms for one reason or other, all of whom are happy. Funnily enough our best friends who have been married 27 years had their own rooms for years then went back in the same room but had single beds, she snores like a trooper and he fidgets (so I'm told) but only last week they said they've just gone out and ordered a double bed, decided to give it another try

When I had a slipped disc a few years back I slept in a spare room and have to say I didn't like being on my own but admit that on the odd occasion if I have been unwell I do creep off into another room, mainly coz I feel guilty about disturbing Dave though I don't know why really as Troy (our chocolate Labrador sleeps on our bed every night)

I would imagine the problems would occur if only one of you wanted to move out, think its one of those things that you both need to agree on.

Sue

[MKG]

My OH snores like a trooper, nicks the duvet using the standard "pin it down on one side then turn over" trick, and goes off like a kettle when she's having vivid dreams.

She doesn't half keep my feet warm, though.

I had to look up the Dutch Oven treatment too.

Mike

[Green Aura]

I had to look up the Dutch Oven treatment too.

Mike

I don't believe that for one minute!!!!!

One of the benefits of sleeping together - which, after nearly 30 years sleeping together, there are precious few - it's the only way you can both be in the same place at the same time on the rare occasion you both of you feel like it at the same moment.

Oh, and it's the only place you get to talk privately about everyone in the house who's p1ssed you off on any given day (in hushed tones of course).

And the human hot water bottle thing.......

And the hello cuddle every morning.......

OK, there are more benefits than I thought

[bonniethomas06]

Hmm, interesting replies, especially yours Boboff - I feel that I should point out that I am not repulsed at all by my lovely boyf.. it was more of a theoretical example. And I am sure he could say worse about me!! (in fact he does - the other night our legs brushed and he said it was like being in bed with a wild boar!)

But I can see now why he might have been so offended...hadn't really understood until now. And there are lovely things about sharing a bed...spooning being one. I woke up the other morning and I was spooning our dog, Libby, who in turn was spooning my OH.

I guess I am just one of those people who really like their own space...comes of only being single for 6 months in the last 15 years

[greenorelse]

I woke up the other morning and I was spooning our dog, Libby, who in turn was spooning my OH.

Way hey! So we're not the only ones...

I've had to get weapons-grade earplugs to get some sleep because of the OH snoring.

I don't mind the dog snoring, sort of comforting, but not humans. Funny eh?

[bonniethomas06]

I woke up the other morning and I was spooning our dog, Libby, who in turn was spooning my OH.

Way hey! So we're not the only ones...

Hehe, I know. It's bad isn't it? - I know you are not supposed to have dogs in the bed. We started with her in a basket downstairs, then felt bad so she slept under the bed and somehow she has managed to get further and further up the duvet until she basically sleeps with her head on the pillow.

Now I come to think of it, perhaps after all it isn't the OH with the dog breath....

I am sure many people are revolted at the thought of sharing a bed with a dog, but she is quite nice smelling and short haired. We wash the sheets on a boil wash every Saturday and I basically love her so much that I don't care about the hygiene issues!

[greenorelse]

I woke up the other morning and I was spooning our dog, Libby, who in turn was spooning my OH.

Way hey! So we're not the only ones...

Hehe, I know. It's bad isn't it?

No.

[pelmetman]

What on earth is the Dutch Oven Treatment? Is this good or bad?

You have lead a sheltered life MMM .............Sue has had to put up with my naval sense of humour for 30 years

Dave

[Ellendra]

My parents started sleeping in seperate rooms about 5 years ago. Dad snores and mom tosses and turns, so they both get a better night's sleep now.