Need a hug

[Mother]

he had somewhere else to go...

Only yesterday he was professing his love for me.

The Low Life..............

Sending a extra large hug you way.

[bonniethomas06]

So sorry Misty, 8 years is a long time, it must be a terrible shock.

Take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve for the relationship, get angry and then eventually, move on.

xx

[Thomzo]

I really am sorry. I had a similar experience, mine left 3 days after valentines day (he'd sent me a soppy card) to move in with someone I thought was a friend.

My advice is to get started on the practical bits now. Clear out the joint bank account (if you have one) before he does. My ex cancelled my house insurance and tried to cut off my mobile phone so make sure you get these things agreed before it turns nasty.

Start sorting out the house contents and change the locks before he turns up to steal all your stuff (mine tried to walk off with my Great Uncle's war medals and I've never found my roller skates since he left).

Sorry to be boring and you probably don't want to think about this at the moment but it is very likely to get nasty once you start discussing the money and possessions and he'll have 'her' to egg him on. So you need to stay strong.

He might have her to turn to, you have all of us.



Zoe

[Susie]

Start sorting out the house contents and change the locks before he turns up to steal all your stuff (mine tried to walk off with my Great Uncle's war medals and I've never found my roller skates since he left).

How on earth did he think he was entitled to war medals and roller skates? Sometimes I wonder at people, I honestly do!

everyone, hope you're feeling ok, Misty.

[misty44]

Can't sleep tonight so am catching up on emails etc.
Your emails and support are great and again you are right. He tried to get into the house today while I was at work. I bolted the front door from the inside then left by the back door. When I came home I noticed the beautiful hand-made stained glass panel in the front door had a shattered crack in it so am assuming when he couldn't open the door he hit it or something.
It's odd isn't it that some people behave in this way when they are the ones who have caused the final upset?
Will keep roller skates under lock and key! I wonder what an earth your ex would want with your roller skates. People behave so oddly.
I feel okay at the moment - still in shock.

Misty

[RuthG]

I agree 100% with Thomzo's advice - get the bank acocunts stopped if you have any joint ones and also any credit cards etc. Dont wait - do it straight away! He has already tried to get back into the hosue - is it in your name or joint names? He may well empty the account(s) if joint and leave you with not a lot!

[JulieSherris]

Misty, is it possible to get a few days off work? I know some places will give it to you as compassionate leave.

You need a few days to get everything in order, as well as just taking time to breathe & stop. Then a few deep breaths & you'll be fighting fit to eneter into the world again xx

[Keaniebean]

I'm so sorry Misty, but like many of the others have already said take some time for yourself, allow yourself the emotion, you have no need to be strong if you don't want to be!

Cry, laugh, dance, get drunk, cry some more but do what your head, heart and body tell you to do. It might be a good idea to set yourself a time limit as daft as it sounds. Decide that next Tuesady ( or whatever YOU decide) you will be on top form. Tell yourself that life is only going on hold until then, but in the mean time sulk and wallow until you have spent all the negative emotion. Then move on. Maybe come up with some kind of final goodbye event. Take a photo, a piece of clothing, a letter something that represents him and possibly the negative aspects of the relationship and bury it, burn it, hammer it into smithereens, whatever destruction you choose to bestow on it. Promise yourself that you will not wallow any longer because you do not deserve to and then be free and happy and move on to the next exciting and new stage of your life. Afterall it's not a rehersal so don't let negative events stop you for too long.

I hope my little rambling makes some sense, I had the need to do this some time ago and it worked for me :)

Finally,

[Susie]

It's odd isn't it that some people behave in this way when they are the ones who have caused the final upset?

It's because of guilt. Also people build up a self-image which justifies them behaving the way they do and because they know deep down it's bollocks they react really aggressively if anyone contradicts it.

[misty44]

[quote="Susie"

It's because of guilt. Also people build up a self-image which justifies them behaving the way they do and because they know deep down it's bollocks they react really aggressively if anyone contradicts it.[/quote]

This is so true. Just had a conversation with ex where he told me he would be prepared to reinstate the relationship if I agree to certain conditions: he lives in a flat which he is going to rent, I pay the mortgage to enable him to do this, I SUPPORT him through this difficult period...Honestly!!!'

What did I ever see in him?

Thank you again everyone. This is so helpful and I hope you don't mind me talking things through with you but I'm miles away from family and friends and haven't yet made friends here.

A glass of wine is calling me....

Misty

[snapdragon]

Misty
I'm flabbergasted at that last , overestimating his value I reckon

keep strong - sending hugs and hoping you get the chance to meet and make some local friends soon

[123sologne]

What is this guy on? You are certainly better off without him.... Enjoy your glass of wine and the all bottle if you feel like it and get a few more from me too

[Thomzo]

I wonder what an earth your ex would want with your roller skates. People behave so oddly.
I feel okay at the moment - still in shock.

Misty

I bet 'she' got a nice pair of nearly new roller skates for her next birthday!

I know what you mean about feeling ok as you're still in shock. I spent about two weeks feeling absolutely no emotion whatsoever. It was strangely nice. I knew it would hit me and I'd fall apart eventually but that fortnight's grace allowed me to get a lot of practical stuff sorted before I did so.

Keep going, you will get through it.

I think the beauty of these forums is that you can share this stuff almost anonymously but beware of trashing him on open forum. You may come to regret it or say something that he can use against you.

Hugs
Zoe

Zoe

[julie_lanteri]

Big hugs from me too Misty...

I agree with Zoe. it's rage/shock that's keeping you going. I'd also use it to my advantage: take control of the situation. If you've decided that you want him out of your life, give him a deadline to pick up his things, with you present, obviously! your door trick is very good (and safe). It might also be a good idea to contact all companies where you have joined accounts as some need paperwork filled in etc. If you request the documents and they send them to you, you could get him to sign everything on the same day. Bank account are especially difficult to close.
Do you know somebody who could be with you so you don't have to face him on your own?
I don't know how easy it is for you to have to talk to him, but you could also communicate via email/text. That way you can prepare what you want and also keep everything as proof if things get nasty.
Sorry it sounds a bit like military operation... fight for yourself now, regroup and heal later.

and more importantly, don't put yourself down! you two probably had good times and bad times during those 8 years. what did you see in him? probably his good sides, nothing wrong with that. He didn't go with someone else because of you but because he made a (bad) choice. now you decide what happens next!
thinking of you. sending good warrior vibes your way... :)

[MKG]

Male viewpoint ...

When you put up your first post, I thought what a shame it was, but that these things happen. When you told us about the cracked glass, I thought that, well, people in these situations do those things on the assumption that if they don't, the other party will get in first. Even so, it presupposes a certain degree of callousness. Now you've described his proposed solution ...

Misty, you're well rid of the bastard. Enjoy your wine, have a weep and then thank your lucky stars it's happened now rather than maybe a dozen times in the future.

What a slimeball!!

Mike