Received via e-mail today - (a funny).

[theabsinthefairy]

Maths made easy................

1. Teaching Maths In 1970.

A logger sells a load of timber for £100.

His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.

What is his profit ?



2. Teaching Maths In 1980.

A logger sells a load of timber for £100.

His cost of production is 80% of the price.

What is his profit ?



3. Teaching Maths In 1990.

A logger sells a load of timber for £100.

His cost of production is £80.

How much was his profit ?



4. Teaching Maths In 2000.

A logger sells a load of timber for £100.

His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.

Your assignment: Underline the number 20.



5. Teaching Maths In 2005.

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate

and cares nothing for the habit of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.

Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the logger

cut down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.



6. Teaching Maths In 2009.

A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be offensive to

preservationists or religious groups not consulted in the felling licence.



He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation

as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something. He has used the chainsaw

for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct certificate

of competence and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal.



His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies.



He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target.

When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp

on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic

minority, imprisoned and fined a further £100.



While he is in jail the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market

for £100 cash. They also have a leaving BBQ of squirrel and pheasant, and depart leaving

behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting. The forester on release is warned

that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence.



He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced

for £12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.



Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be arrested and fined

before he realises that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign on

to the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life ?

[thesunflowergal]

[Thomzo]

[Marc]

Hmm, yes, very well thought out. Unfortunately too near the truth to be really funny!!!

[madabouthens]

Many a true word spoken in jest !

[Thomzo]

Another one:

How to wash a cat
This was simply too much of a timesaver not to share it with you.




1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl....


2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.


3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.


4. At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this!


5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'Power-Wash' and 'Rinse'.


6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.


9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.


Don't try this at home boys and girls, the cat'll still manage to get muddy pawprints on the carpet.