help needed 'buying' a wedding gift

[crowsashes]

ok guys i have a slight problem, my sis is getting married next month and i have to get her a gift.

she has specified a few items, although i am reluctant to get them as a) i cant afford them and b) its just a bit darn cheeky!

now im stumped for ideas as i was going to give them some apples ( strange i know but it was all to do with the symbolism behind them) and now realise that my sis is actually a bit dippy and will think im taking the *&$% as shes specified what she wants"!

now i was wondering if anyone had any ideas for a gift that would (hopefully) be well recieved and not cost an absolute bomb? im trying desperately here not to buy those darn argos vouchers i loathe so much!

crows

[Milims]

When my folks got married my mums aunty asked everyone to contribute something to the household for when they came back from honeymoon. Gifts ranged from some tins in the pantry, clothes pegs, coal for the fire, bed sheets, toilet paper - basically anything that would make the house a home for my mum and dad when they came back. It's something they always remembered and the best present they ever had!

[Annpan]

We had a wedding list for our wedding as we all ready lived together and knew exactly what we needed or wanted to upgrade to better quality. We were living on a very tight budget and in a small flat.
We got a few gifts that weren't from our list, most of which went to the charity shop soon after as they weren't our style or were surplus to requirements (wine glasses, photo frames and electric woks spring to mind)

I think it is lovely to get someone a fruit tree maybe?or a charity gift? .... but only if they 'get it' but some people just don't... I would either speak to her first, or go for the vouchers.... it is their wedding after all.

[Helsbells]

I agree with Annpan Crowsashes,
It is not unusual (or cheeky) to request things as wedding gifts, this is traditionally what is done so that the bride and groom don't get two of something or things they don't need.
If you strongly disagree with getting them one of their argos gifts or vouchers, you could get vouchers for somewhere else, perhaps an ethical online shop? So they can still choose what they want, but you are sticking to your own morals a bit.

[marshlander]

I would make a quilt or throw for their bed (could become an heirloom!)

If you not handy with a needle, how about making a scrap book, just the front and back covers before the wedding if you like, filled with lots of the guests' photos, pressed flowers, scraps from the dresses etc.

[Green Aura]

It's always a difficult call, weddings are so important to some people, and a lot of emotion is spent getting it just right. But if you can't afford to get stuff of their wedding list then that's all there is to it. Try to find something you can afford but which hopefully won't get sent straight to the charity shop.

What about a herb garden for the kitchen windowsill, symbolising all the things that go into a happy marriag?. I did one for a friend a few years ago, with a card explaining the culinary and folklore uses of each. You could include rosemary for fidelity and remembrance, sage for wisdom and longevity, sweet marjoram for love and fertility, basil for prosperity and happiness, lavender for courage and strength and of course there are loads of others. Decorate some pots to go with their kitchen - what's not to like?

[Millymollymandy]

As she's your sister can't you just talk to her and say you can't afford those things and to give you an idea of something cheaper that she'd like? She must know your financial situation surely? so strikes me as a bit odd that she'd give you a list of stuff you can't afford. Normally on a wedding list one puts cheaper things as well as more expensive ones to cater for those who are less well off than others. (OK when I say normally, that's what I did! )

[spider8]

How about a present like 'cook a dinner', 'do-over the garden', 'decorate a room' (their choice and purchace of paint etc.,)? That way it will only cost you your time (and effort)and you'll be doing them a favour instead of buying an actual item.

[crowsashes]

hi thanks for the replies.

just to add, my sis has been together for 8 ish years they have everything they 'need'.

its the gifts they have asked for that i think are cheeky not them actually asking for something specific. shes treating it like xmas rather than her wedding.

i wouldnt mind if they had said, 'my toasters broken can you get us another for our wedding gift'

green aura its a lovely idea but my sister will not 'do' plants or anything along those lines as she hates them, so the lovely idea for a window box would just be wasted.

i thought of doing a small cross stitch sampler but the last one i made for her daughter was shoved in the loft!

milly, yeah i would have thought she would have put cheaper items on the list, but shes specified a new bed! ( i would be replacing mine before anyone elses! as i have just a mattress on the floor as it broke a few weeks ago!)

i saw a lovely jug in the sales a few weeks ago i brought for her, i accidentally left it out and she just looked and went 'what a nasty pattern"!


im at a complete loss, all those ideas are lovely but my sister ( and i hate to say it) isnt the type to appreciate such gifts.

im ready to give up on this one and not get her something as it will be easier to deal with the 'tightfisted' comments than it is to have a well thought out gift criticized !

[Nomada]

Hmm, I think I know where you're coming from Crowsashes. My sister's similar. I know the wedding presents are tradition but they were to help a newly married couple set up a new home together. Most cohabit before marriage and do have everything they need.
My cousin recently got married and was in this situation, he'd been living with his lass for years. When they sent out the wedding invitations they included a little poem that asked people not to buy gifts as they'd already set up home but said if they wanted to give them a gift a couple of quid towards going away on honeymoon for a week would be appreciated. It was actually a good idea, they were able to go away and got a bit of money that helped pay for a few romantic meals.
Maybe if they're having a honeymoon you could offer to pay for a meal for them? I thought that the vouchers idea was a good one too. I do think asking for a bed is a bit much, I know if my sister had done that for me I couldn't have afforded it!

[crowsashes]

susiegee, thats what i thought, its a wedding and its more important im there than buying a gift! just try explaining that to the sibling! im tempted to resort to ultra tacky his and hers loo roll recycled of course!

but that wouldnt be keeping up with the jones' now would it and nothing much to brag about!

and to think theres a fair few months of weddings ahead

[Green Aura]

I've got it!!!!

Buy them a copy of the ish bible! Then when she throws it at you you can catch it, run, and go and enjoy your day. It even gets over not buying anything new because technically it would be secondhand

Sorry, I'm being really trivial but I'm afraid your sister has got so caught up in the whole thing I can't see how you can possibly get her anything that would suit.

[ElizabethBinary]

Great idea for a gift: Tell her to get her head out of her bum!

It'll be the best gift you can get her.

Hokay, srsly, now... perhaps a homemade cookbook? All of your favourite childhood recipes you got directly off your grand/parents? Done up all nice and with a real book binding (places do this for like twenty dollars here)... so it is up to her standards of appearances?

[Millymollymandy]

A bed.

My list had things like

a kettle (yes really!) (and I was given two! )
decent knives
a bain mairie

and with the money we were given we invested in silver plated cutlery (....years later I really wonder why as they just tarnish, we only ever used them about 5 times and these days we don't even have dinner parties!and even if we did I wouldn't use them nowadays cos they look so pretentious! what a waste of money )

but all the nice crystal vases I was given which weren't on my list have lasted and been well used.

So how about a plain crystal vase - doesn't have to cost too much money, can't not appeal to anybody's tastes if it is plain and is useful. Unless of course she's already got loads.

[crowsashes]

i think ill go and have a wander around the charity shops for something ( then if it isnt wanted it will just go straight back there) but i might be able to pick something up i didnt even think of!

got lil one a big bag of lego for a few quid not long ago and its the best thing i ever brought him and i wasnt even looking for it so maybe luck will be on my side and ill find something! i do after all have a high street with 7 charity shops on and have reguarly picked up great bargins for my house.

oooo i just thought, i have an original 1950's guide to marriage i should give her that.