How to end a friendship?

[theracedude]

I find myself calling people that i have not spoke to in a while just to show that i am still a good friend but they wont contact me unless they need something. I think that i need to just move on and find someone that fits the build of a good friend. People change. When one door closes, a new door opens. I say you should stop all contact and see if they make an effort, if not then it was meant to be.

[MKG]

"I've grown apart from an old friend. We don't have a lot in common anymore ... "

Actually, you always knew the answer. It's always sad when this happens, but it's life.

Mike

[homegrown]

I am in the same boat MrsM, I have had a friend for 26 years, we met in school and have always done things to gether, he even married my ex-girlfriend, I introduced them to my wife to be when I met har and they became friends, eventually they even asked us to be god-parents to their children and gardians should anything ever happen to them.

But as they say things change, I became aware that it was always me ringing him and making arrangments or my wife, but I kept working at the friendship, we even councilled them through a bad patch in their marriage. But they both have grown more distant and obsessed with apparences, having to have the best fo everything, cars , houses, tv's, theyraise or lower your position as a friend depending on you financial status as they love to holiday and buy toys and get fed up if you can't.

I weas in his wedding party he in mine and yet when I realised things weren't going well for me and tried to arrange to catch-up and seek his advice he said he was too busy, no matter what day it was, they never acknowledge the birth of our thirds son and when my wife let them know about my breakdown and depression they stop returning calls. I might add my dpression was the key to me realising that I was wasti ng way to much energy on things that did not matter.

In the end they just became too much hard work, an ytheir materialistic view point is way too self-destructive for me so I let them go.

[Sally Jane]

Helsbels made a point that really connected with me, as I realised that I have been hanging on to some old friendships purely for sentimental reasons ie they reminded me of a different time in my life, teens or whatever. However, if I met these people now, would I actually 'choose' them as friends? Probably not. Some of them are not even very likeable any more. So why am I still wasting a stamp to send them Christmas cards?

It's hard to let go of the past, I suppose, but that may get written into my New Years Resolutions for 2010!

We were away from home for a week doing the Christmas family visiting and seeing my mother on her 80th birthday. When we got home there was a pile of Christmas cards from real friends, ie the ones who send you a card because they want to keep in touch, not just because you sent them one first out of sentimental habit... I need to do some culling of the address book, and reevaluate some 'friendships' in the process...

[mrsflibble]

Helsbels made a point that really connected with me, as I realised that I have been hanging on to some old friendships purely for sentimental reasons ie they reminded me of a different time in my life, teens or whatever. However, if I met these people now, would I actually 'choose' them as friends? Probably not. Some of them are not even very likeable any more.

yeah, I have the same situation here... one problem though, one of the poeple i'd rather forget about and move on from is now essentially my sister in law.
(essentially because hers is a common law marriage rather than a piece of paper signed and stamped marriage). we were neighbours in uni, kind of friends but not really the one eachother would call on in a crisis or whatever and we've drifted since not being next door to one another. i'd love to call it a day, but i have to go and make smalltalk with her about life the universe and everything whenever we have a family get together.

[Sally Jane]

Reinforces the old saying about being able to choose ( and theoretically disassociate from) your friends, but you're stuck with your family and their choice of partners/friends. I suppose the thing to keep in mind is that 'this too will pass...' hopefully!

[Thomzo]

Personally, I'm a 'let it drift' kinda gal. I've had 'friends' who only ever call when they want something, usually babysitting (Me? Babysit? I ask you?). Eventually it got to the stage where I'd just say that I'd love to help them but I was too busy. No need to say what you were up to, just that you couldn't do it. They stopped calling and now I rarely see them. If they try the "We haven't heard from you in ages" trick, I just turn it back with "I know, it's dreadful isn't it! I haven't heard from you in ages either".

It takes guts but it's your life so stick up for yourself.

Zoe

[mrsflibble]

I've had 'friends' who only ever call when they want something, usually babysitting (Me? Babysit? I ask you?).

you jest, you're great with kids!!

[Thomzo]

I've had 'friends' who only ever call when they want something, usually babysitting (Me? Babysit? I ask you?).

you jest, you're great with kids!!

Almost right Mrs F, it's more of a case that I'm OK with great kids (like your Soph!).

Zoe

[Berti]

well I don't think it's a difficult one, when you think about it, it's really simple actually.
you might even have answered your own question.
when there comes a moment in a friendship where it's one sided traffic and you feel like you are running after people in a way of speaking then it's time to say goodbye.

I do just that: I talk to them and tell them that you have grown apart and that you feel it's time to move on. Wishing them the very best and goodbye.

That's it.
Nothing to be afraid of or lose sleep over ;)

berti