Help needed with life - long post

[BabyChrissy1993]

Sex at 15, no birth control, Illegal immigrant boyfriend

Sex at 15, no birth control; All my mistake and now im taking responsibility for whats happened from it.
Illegal immigrant boyfriend; Yes I was fooled by a lad who seemed really nice and was flattering at the time. Now I know a different side to him.

she needs to learn, responsibility for ones own actions,

I am taking responsibility for my actions, I didn't just push this pregnancy to the side. I listened to every single person in my familys opinion on what I should do. And decided myself to keep the child and try my best to get a education still. If school doesn't work I'll go to college. I was upset about it but now I'm been responsible and thinking about the future and hoping to be the best mum I can be for this child and I'll make sure I am the best mum I can be.

stolen from

I can't help been stole from. It isn't anyoness fault if they get stole from.

How on earth do you stop yourself from Hating this child of yours?

Because my mum is a nice person and I'm her daughter! Not many people 'hate' there own daughter.
That is completely horrible to write, at least if you think it keep it to yourself. If you didn't have anyhing nice to say don't say anything at all.

This child from the outside is completely "off the rails" education is the last thing she needs to learn

Why am I off the rails? because I have made a few mistakes? at least Im dealing with the consequences. Not many people of my age would that I know.

Still at least she's not on drugs!

is that the only good point you could think of?

and respect for her parents and her friends from the outset would be where the focus should be from now on

I do respect my parents! And I don't think you have even the slightest right to say I don't. Your judging me and you don't know me.
On the friends part. I haven't really chosen my friends well. I keep thinking I have but I haven't, I'm hoping that I will finally get some decent ones at college or university when I go.

[BabyChrissy1993]

Hi Chrissy - I meant the baby's father.

I wish you all the luck in the world (mind you, once Rosey gets her armour on, I don't think luck will have anything to do with it )

Mike

Okay :)
And thankyou x

[Millymollymandy]

Chrissy - I think Boboff's point about 'the child from the outside' meant the person your mother called H.

Though Boboff whatever you think of this situation there are certain things you should have kept to yourself.

I hope you all (Rosie and Chrissy) get through this situation re problems at school together and I wish you lots of luck, but I'm sure it will all work out in the end. Lots of hugs in the meantime whilst you go through a difficult patch.

[prison break fan]

I don't think Boboff's comments are helpful at all. Has he or she never made a mistake? The world is a very different place today than when my children were at school. This time next year it will all look very different. pbf.

[Masco&Bongo]

Chrissy - sounds like you've had a right old time of it... not nice to think you can count on friends and have it all go wrong

To reassure a bit...

When I was at school (not THAT long ago) one of my friends fell pregnant, after going off the rails a bit. She was so off the rails she didn't even know who the father was, even when they knew the approx date of conception

We were in our last year of school and K wasn't allowed to sit with us for exams, as apparantly she was a distraction (that's school for ya!)

Ros was born in the September after we left school.... almost into my arms! K had a pretty rough time of it for a while, and didn't start college etc with the rest of us. Her family ended up moving due to their jobs and she was miles away from all her friends and other support networks.

However, K picked herself up and got on with it. She organised childcare and went to college eventually, then went on to University. She is now a biological research scientist, with qualifications a mile long. Neither of us is 30 yet, and she has achieved so much in a short space of time; and in 'less than ideal' circumstances.

Rubbish stuff happens to the best of us, mistakes are made. The best thing ANYONE can do is pick themselves up, and set their mind to achieve whatever they want to achieve.

If you have to come out of school to finish your education and have a stress-free pregnancy, then so be it.
You'll be able to get plenty of support locally, from Sure-Start and other mum/baby groups, I'm sure.

Set your cap and go to it girl!!!

[thesunflowergal]

Chrissy and Rosey

I just wanted to say Congratulations to you both!!

So the situation may not be ideal, but I am sure that Chrissy will be the best Mummy that she can. Babies do not pop out with a hand book all parents make mistakes, please remember that!! Rosey is a fantastic role model, and I am sure she will continue to provide a invaluable support network. That is something that I wish I had, and I am 32 and about to drop number three.

I am not sure whether I can say this but Chrissy, have a look at a website called Netmums. They have a section especially for young Mums, theres lots of great info on there.

Take care and stay strong ladies.

[Martina]

Hi Rosendula

Unfortunately your daughter fits perfectly into the type of child that gets picked on. In my experience their are two types that get bullied. The first is the "easy mark"-the 'wierd kid', the weakling etc. The second type is the "aspirational mark"-the tall, confident or just physically big kids. This kind of bullying is typical of the "tall poppy syndrome". Unfortunately, because of their size or, in your daughter's case, her skill they are often blamed for the altercations by teachers but, in reality, they rarely insigate ---they don't need to; nothing to prove when your skilled, confident or big (for boys). All I can say to you is watch your daughters self-esteem. She is going through a very strenous time right now ( I don't need to tell you that) and if there is a place where she can be really hurt, it is in her self-image. I say just be there to listen and tell her how great, responsible and capable a girl she is EVERYDAY.

As for H. This is were compassion comes in. She is probably going through the same thing as C and acted out by taking the card. Trying to get something the easy way, when things must be very difficult for her. I kind of feel sorry for her. You were right to not press charges. However, your daughter does need to distance herself from H until she gets herself sorted. She is probably a good kid but is getting more scared as time passes. Hopefully, she will settle down when her issues are resolved, but until then C needs to stay away and focus on her own situation exclusively.

I hope it gets better for you both really soon. Best of wishes to both of you----and baby too.

Martina

[Gem]

I can't comment with much use here not having had children.

However I would like to say that C's comments appear to be well thought out and, in spite of some unpleasant comments, stay on topic and respond without lashing out.

I'm sure I am not the only person who thinks you have your head screwed on straight. Everyone makes mistakes and bad decisions and the way these mistakes are dealt with is what defines a person.

Good luck Rosie and C, it is heartening to know you both have each other for love and support.

Re: the bullies, there are always unpleasant people in the world. Looking into their personal circumstances often helps give a better insight into why they are they way they are though with regard to 'H'. Don't forget that she stole from you. Whilst you may never intend to take matters any further than you have, this situation may prove to be useful if you remind her of what she did and the trouble she could get in if you choose to pursue it. I have been in a similar situation with a rather cowardly sort and the threat of police was enough to make them find other prey...

[Milims]

Chrissy - despite the situation you sound like a sensible young woman, who realises that she may not have taken the easiest life path but takes responsibility for her life. A rare skill in one so young. Keep up the good work. You are a force to be rekoned with!
Rosie - it sounds to me like you've done a good job bringing your daughter up and will clearly continue to be a loving and supportive mother and grandmother.
Stay strong, stay supportive to each other, stay loving to each other and I'm sure you will weather any storm that life brings you

[Graye]

We've been travelling around during the last few weeks so I've not had much time to read any posts. We are now back in the UK for a few months so perhaps things will now get back to normal for us and I can do more than just have a quick scan of what's going on here.

I really don't have any advice per se. All I can say is that it really is possible to turn around unfortunate happenings and make them work. So I'm pretty sure you will already be doing that as a family. Good luck to all of you. I'm sure you have things well in hand already.

With regard to the girl you call H, it looks as though she needs some help and guidance. I'm afraid I'm not an apologist for her behaviour and if I were you I would be off to the police post haste about the theft. With regard to the bullying, the school really should be dealing with that themselves. They owe it to any other girls there too. My own son has a black belt in full contact karate and was seen as a legitimate target by some elements at school. I think they expected to see him turn into some sort of weapon flailing lunatic flying through the air to kick out at someone. Fortunately he always managed to just smile at them and I think this is the mature attitude that legitimate martial arts instructors try to encourage. But I can see the times when your daughter is vulnerable being a great opportunity for the cowards. If she wants to go ahead with HE I would go for it as soon as you can. She has other things to worry about without that stress too.

I think it's a pity that people feel obliged to give their opinions on things which have already happened and for which you are not asking advise. You don't want to know whether anyone thinks your daughter did something wrong and I don't blame you. I believe mothers love their kids unconditionally and will always try to be there for them, through thick and thin.

[Rosendula]

Oh you wonderful people, I love you all It has brought tears to my eyes to read some of these messages of support. Thank you.

OH and I went to see the Head yesterday and I am convinced she is trying very, very hard to sort it all out. It seems H is besotted with Chrissie's new boyfriend and went out with him for a few days during half term (plus a couple of other blokes, before getting back with her baby's dad ), so it seems that is the focus of her anger at the moment, and she appears to have conveniently forgotten she stole Chrissie's money. Anyway, the Head has sent some work home for Chrissie to do at home on Monday, while she has another go at sorting it out. She's going to ask H's parents to go in for a meeting, and tell them what will happen if H doesn't calm down (sent back to mainstream school, and have to pay for her own childcare). She's then going to ring me to discuss things further. She is a wonderful, positive woman who is determined to make things right, but not very optimistic about the meeting with H's parents. I wouldn't want to be in the Head's shoes right now. It's a case of wait-and-see for the moment, but I am feeling much better now, mainly thanks to you good folks.

And guess what?

I'm going to be a Granny

[Sally Jane]

I'm so glad that the outlook seems more positive now, with the Head being so supportive and helpful. Your own positive attitude is an inspiration.
This phase will pass and life will move on, and you have a precious new life to look forward to. I wish C a happy and healthy pregnancy without too much sickness etc!
I bacame a Granny twice over this year and it is a joy!
Your daughter is intelligent, level-headed and very mature, probably as a result of having a wonderfully supportive and loving mum, and she herself will be a great mum. And won't the little one be lucky to have a young Granny!

[boboff]

OK, sorry to cause offense.

You asked for help, advice, and I gave what I thought was advice.

Maybe it was best kept to myself, sound advice.

But it's out there now, from what you say this is not a good thing, the fact that you and your daughter attack any criticism so vehemently in itself is revealing.

My advice, if you don't want to hear criticism from people, only support and hugs, you run a risk posting on a forum asking for help.

Life isn't all hugs and smileys as I am sure you know, at the end of the day, I gave my opinion, and I am sorry if that upset either of you. I was shocked by it all, it did read like a series of awful instances. I'll shut up now.

[Gert]

And guess what?

I'm going to be a Granny

Hoorah! I think you need to think carefully about that one. Are you going to be Granny, Gran, Nanny, Nan, Grandma, Granny Rose or any number of possibilities. I'd get in there quick if I was you and pick a new name you like. Best of luck to the whole family.

[Rosendula]

And guess what?

I'm going to be a Granny

Hoorah! I think you need to think carefully about that one. Are you going to be Granny, Gran, Nanny, Nan, Grandma, Granny Rose or any number of possibilities. I'd get in there quick if I was you and pick a new name you like. Best of luck to the whole family.

I did that already on the post What do your grandchildren call you?.