Basic Manners

[thesunflowergal]

I thought I'd cut and paste this responce that I have had, after posting a offered post on my local freecycle.

Subject: Re: Offered: Solid Pine Dinning Table - Abbey Meads
Date: Sunday, 30 August, 2009, 2:09 PM


could you send me your post code and house nr?
Cheers

Guess what? He isn't being offered the table, I hate bad manners.

[Thomzo]

I've thought that it's got worse in the last couple of weeks. Even amongst my family and friends, people seem to be so wrapped up in themselves they don't think of anyone else.

I know what you mean about Freecycle though. I once got so fed up with rudeness I posted an "offered" message with the footnote "will be given to the first person who says Please". I got several messages of support and, shortly afterwards, the mods posted a general request to be polite.

Thank you for reading this
Zoe

[Thurston Garden]

I know what you mean about Freecycle though. I once got so fed up with rudeness I posted an "offered" message with the footnote "will be given to the first person who says Please". I got several messages of support and, shortly afterwards, the mods posted a general request to be polite.

Thank you for reading this
Zoe

You are welcome Zoe.

I always make a point when offering stuff on Freecycle to remind people that manners cost nothing. I just delete the impolite/demanding/deliver the X to my house emails.

In my student days I worked in a handful of pubs in Edinburgh. Two things really wound me up: impatient people (particularly when the rugby internationals were on) either snapping their fingers at you over the bar, or waving a tenner at you thinking it will help them get served quicker. I would go straight up to the finger snappers and quietly advise them that the taxi rank was outside and the tenner wavers always had their tenners whipped out of thier hands and poked into my shirt pocket whilst I served other folk infront of them.

The thing that winds me up most though are people in shops who, after ringing your stuff into the till shove their hand over the counter and in a surly tone say "One ninety nine". I always say "Sorry?" Which gets "One Ninety NINE!". I say "Sorry?"..."One NINETY NINE!"...."Sorry?"..."I SAID ONE NINETY NINE!".... "One ninety nine please" Grrrrrrrrrr.

[mrsflibble]

I had a rather surprising thing happen to me last week, I was walking up to my local corner shop (an M+S petrol station) when a lad of about 17 came up and asked me incredibly politely if I would mind going and buying him cigarettes as since they've changed the law he's finding it very hard.

I said equally as politely that no, I wouldn't. tht I wont even go and buy my own mother cigarettes because I don't believe in helping people to destroy themselves; but that I'd happily go across the road the other way and get him a box of chips or a can of coke from the kebab van.

he very politely said no thanks, but thanks anyway.

I get frustrated when confronted with rudeness, but I have found tht if I keep myself in my own polite bubble I tend to get people being nicer to me; or occasionally I annoy them. either way it's worth it lol.

[Millymollymandy]

The last time I was in London about 11 years ago a youngish lad actually asked me if he could BUY a cigarette off me. I was so absolutely amazed that I just gave him one!!!

In France the youth just ask you all the time for them, expecting them for free. The damn things cost a fortune so what ruddy cheek, it's like asking for 20p.

[poet]

cultural diversity has a lot to do with it. In some cultures, Norway for example, they don't have a word in their language for 'please'. The closest word/expression is 'unnsklyd meg' (sp?) which means excuse me....

In Norway it's not expected to thank people for small courtesies because they believe that that is how one should behave so by thanking someone for something they should be doing anyway, is considered odd.

In a lot of other cultures too, 'please' and 'thank you' are rare and unfortunately it's spreading in our culture too.

There are probably a lot of other factors to throw into the mix too, I'm sure anthropologists have a field day with this aspect of modern day living.

Perhaps people would be interested in reading 'Watching the English by Kate Fox' which examines cultural differences, including manners.

By the way, The English are regarded as moaners by a lot of other cultures, this thread does nothing to counter that does it?

If we want to celebrate a multicultural, diverse society then we have to accept all that comes with it.

[Annpan]

My sister lived overseas for a number of years and when she came back she was very bossy and rude... apparently, she told me, thats the only way you get things done 'over there'. Not only was there no please or thank you but she would just order you to do things like "give me the salt" or "Get out of my way"

It would have been funny if it wasn't so rude and offensive. She doesn't do it anymore.

[Millymollymandy]

Blimey, what country was she living in?

As for the English/British being moaners, when I went to Australia I found them to be the biggest moaners in the universe, so now I find the term 'whinging pom' to be extremely funny, as I know that the Aussies are way bigger whingers than we are!

I've yet to visit a country where people aren't polite and don't say please and thank you. I find the UK a bit odd after having lived in the Netherlands and France by not using the terms Sir or Madam (or whatever modern equivalent we'd use these days) when approaching a stranger to ask them something. Just 'excuse me' doesn't seem enough somehow. I seem to recall that in the Netherlands if you just said 'excuse me' you could get ignored because it wasn't polite unless you said 'excuse me madam/sir'. I say the same in France and it's automatic so that's why I find this lacking in England.

[lazyspice]

I don't think it's moaning to want to be treated with the same level of politeness that I was brought up to give others. It's too easy to blame it on a multi cultural society, in my opinion. All that does is make excuses for people not taking the time or effort to simply treat others as they would probably like to be treated themselves.

Over use of the word treat but it's early and my brain is still dozing . . . .

[poet]

I didn’t say cultural diversity was solely to blame. I said it’s one of the factors and I also went on to say there are other factors to throw into the mix.

I carry on saying please and thank you etc regardless of whether other people do or not. I’m not going to get myself wound up over the actions of someone who doesn’t matter in my life and just because someone is rude to me, I’m not going to be rude in turn.

In summary, I’m polite and if someone isn’t polite in return, that’s their problem.

[Claripup]

Sometimes, I think people's withdrawal through ipods etc is a way of trying to protect themselves from the crowds and stresses of public transport and living in such close proximity to others.
Yvette

Perfectly put! This is the reason I have my iPod... I hate being crowded and my iPod helps me withdraw from the current surrounds... I will however, still say please and thank you to people, it's just I may yell it depending on how loud I have my music turned up

But regarding manners in general it is appaling, although most people who know me do say please and thank you... there is a tale told that once someone didn't say thank you (or even acknowledge me) when I gave them a cup of tea so I took it back from them and poured it over their head. I find people being slightly scared of what you might do if they forget their manners tends to make them remember

[mrsflibble]

on public transport if I am with my daughter, she gets the ipod. I rely on crocheting as a natural form of dope lol.

it also stops me from getting the nutters come and talk to me because it makes me a nutter iyswim. I suppose technically I am a nutter, (care in the community paranoid disociative neurotic to give me my full and honoured title) but hey I don't have a t shirt printed with it on or anything....perhaps I sould, you know "don't blame me, blame my MH nurse"....?

anyway, I hate public transport because in general, I hateother people. I try not to, but most of the general public give me no reason to like them. it's vbery very hard to keep being polite and nice and smiley, especially when being pushed around, but I try.

[the.fee.fairy]

I tend to find that i get the 'nutter on the bus' label too. When i used to go and visit J, it would mean a half hour trip on a bus across London, so i used to knit and listen to comedy so a giggle would occasionally escape...no-one ever sat next to me!

[jim]

Dear fee.fairy,

It's the other way round for me. I must have a tattoo on my forehead visible only to nutters, it probably says, "Come and sit next to this poor sod, he's too polite NOT to listen!"

The number of religious fanatics, conspiracy theorists, winos and the merely insane who want to unload their idiotic opinions on me should be entered in the Guinness Book of Criminal Records!

Love and Peace
Jim

[the.fee.fairy]

I used to have that tattoo too! I'm too polite to not speak to someone who speaks to me. Then i found the key to being the nutter...Job done! No more maniacs coming and sitting next to me on an empty bus!

I found out about peoples life stories - there was the bloke who wasn't gay, but liked having sex with men, he also liked wearig ladies underwear and confided in me that lat saturday, he had been swinging round a scaffold pole dressed in nothing but bra and knickers...

There was the one who had just got out of prison for assault...it wasn't his fault, naturally, he had been provoked into injuring a bloke in a bar when he was drunk...

There was the woman who wanted to tell me all about her deep love for God, and how he'd found her one day whilst she was out of it on heroin, and she'd never taken drugs since...apart from the odd hit of crack cocaine...but that didn't count, God didn't talk to her about crack...

Oh...how i miss the delights of public transport in Brixton!