Annoying other half

[craig.r]

Ok i love my girlfriend very much, but she is not interested in anything green apart from money. I try to get her to recycle but she can't be bothered. I bought a solar phone charger to save us money but she can't be bothered to use it. I am trying my hardest to be as self sufficient as we can with fruit and veg from my allotment but i get no help what so ever. I started making yoghurt because she spends a fortune on it, she won't touch it even though its gorgeous. I wanted a good bread maker but instead she ended up with 3 new pair of shoes .

I have a question.

I have an allotment which is full of fruit and veg
Do you think its unreasonable that i would spend time sorting my allotment rather than do a bit of decorating ( which we can't afford to buy the stuff needed anyway)?

[the.fee.fairy]

Oooh its a tough one!

One the one hand, presumable she'll be eating the veg from the allotment and therefore harvesting it and looking after it is quite important.

On the other...if she's not interested in the allotment, then the decorating will be priority in her mind.

But...you can't afford the decorate, and the allotment's paid for.

Why doesn't she do the decorating and you do the allotment?

[Mr and Mrs luvpie]

Does she know where the allotment is? If not, I'd take myself a packed lunch, wind up radio and a flask and spend the day there, leaving my phone at home. Gives her the choice of doing the decorating or anything else she wants to do.

Of course if she does know where it is, then she could always walk down and see you, perhaps have a chair there for her just in case, maybe if she sees what your doing and how much you enjoy it then she will start to get interested in it, I know it's not quiet the same but our kids weren't impressed with the idea of an allotment when we talked about it, but as soon as they got there and started to see what could be done they are now willing workers (admittedly to a far lesser extent than us, but we always take them something to eat, drink and play with or read so that they can dip in and out of digging and enjoying themselves), I think if we had forced them to join in they would have run a mile, but as they were just left to develop an interest.....perhaps she might too?

Good luck, and if nothing else remember most men only have a shed at the bottom of the garden to run and hide in, you have somewhere completely seperate from the house

Sarahx

[Muscroj]

is there much of an age gap between the 2 of you? I'm sorry to say but she *sounds* a lot younger, there was a time when I was more interested in shoes than saving money, or the planet!

I'm not sure what to suggest, she sounds to be jeleous of the time you spend away at the allotment and is digging her heals in over your interests as perhaps it they might mean that more of your time is spent away from her.

Perhaps you could suggest a compromise, if she goes along with you to the allotment & spends the weekend with you, getting things sorted, then the next weekend that you have bad weather you'll spend with her decorating. PErhaps in the mean time you could see what paint/wall paper you could get off free cycle or ebay & see if you could give your home a re-vamp without breaking the bank, and you'd probably feel better about using paint & paper that would have otherwise gone into landfill!

[Rosendula]

It is difficult when the OH doesn't share the interest. Mine isn't very interested in growing, although he does appreciate the food that comes from it. I'm not interested in playing darts or Vampire Wars. If we both liked all the same things, we'd never get a break from each other, so I think differences can be beneficial. We have things we enjoy doing together, plus we have our own things.

If your girlfriend is complaining that you spend too much time there then she obviously misses you and wants a bit more of you As a compromise could you spend longer there, but less often? You don't mention how often you go there or how long for, so I'll make something up: If you currently go there 4 times a week for 2 hours, plus say 15 minutes travelling each way, that would be 10 hours away from home. If you changed this to twice a week for 4 hours, plus traveling, you would only be away from home for 9 hours because of the reduction in traveling time. In fact, you'd get to spend more time actually on the allotment, as well as a little bit more time at home. Also, saying goodbye twice isn't nearly as difficult for someone who doesn't want you to go as saying goodbye 4 times. Does any of that make sense?

Other than that, does she enjoy sunbathing? She could go with you on nice days with a towel and a book and you could take a picnic to eat halfway through the day, or a barbecue and some beer. She might not be interested in the allotment itself, but I'm sure you could find something she enjoys doing and take that to the allotment.

[Muscroj]

Other than that, does she enjoy sunbathing? She could go with you on nice days with a towel and a book and you could take a picnic to eat halfway through the day, or a barbecue and some beer. She might not be interested in the allotment itself, but I'm sure you could find something she enjoys doing and take that to the allotment.

ooh that sounds good, do you think I'll get away with doing that this morning when I go up to our allotment with my mum??

[wolfsong]

One answer m8, separate finances. Tell her to buy her shoes with her income (obviously this only works if you have equal salaries or the balance is in your favour).
It may seem harsh, but if she's going to behave like a kid, not taking into account the effects of her actions, then there's not much else to do... she has obviously got a mental block stopping her seeing her consumerism and its effects, a psychologist could tell you the answer, and that I ain't

[StripyPixieSocks]

Ok now I'm sure this is not very 'pc' to say this because things are never black and white but do you think you are with the right person? quite frankly you don't sound that compatible from what you have said. I know it's good to have different interests, it gives you something to talk about when you get together but if you are going to share a long time future together it will be very difficult if you have such diverse views of what is important in life.

I have to say I agree with the above post... sorry!

I had an OH like this, didn't enjoy anything I did but whined and moaned if I didn't do the things he wanted to. I injured my back trying to make the garden look nice while he sat inside playing on his Playstation and then wouldn't weed the garden while I was recovering so all my hard work went to waste!

At the end of the day you grow apart, some people just aren't interested in gardening and are just interested in shoes and clothes and nothing you can do will ever make her change her mind, and eventually there will come a crunch point. Then and only then you will make a decision about what to do and I hope when that time comes you will stand your ground and not give up what you want to do.

I know compromises can be reached but really... if she's into shoes and money and you're into frugality it really is going to put a strain on your relationship to crushing point!

Luckily after 16 years I found a nice guy who shares alot of my interests and I'm so glad I left my other life to forge a new one with a person of like mindedness :)

I wish you luck either way and in answer to your question, no I don't think you should do the decorating you haven't got the money for anyway, that's a sure fire way to land yourself in debt and if you can avoid going there for as long as possible... DO SO!

[JulieSherris]

Hmmm... I sort of agree with Susie & SPS too....

My hubby isn't really too bothered about what's growing in the veggie garden = although he totally supports me in growing it all!!
We have much different interests, but he says if you really want to analyse a relationship, draw 2 circles.... write all YOUR interests in one - all HER interests in the other - now over lap the two..... is it roughly half & half? If os, you've cracked it! If not... sit yourself down & have a serious think.....

Now - as for your question on allotments V decorating..... easy - when the weather is good, it's outdoor time - when it's crap, it's indoor time.... problem solved!

[Graye]

I like the voice of reason Julie! I've been watching this thread for a couple of days, not really sure about how I felt about things.

But now it has struck me that if you find her annoying now, what do you think you will feel like in ten years time? Will this have begun to REALLY get on your nerves? There has to be give and take in a relationship and I think you have to set at least some basic ground rules early on or you're heading for disaster (or at least total apathy) after the first flush has gone. You don't need to have identical interests but you DO need plenty in common or you will grow apart before you know it.

[Silver Ether]

Hmmm... I sort of agree with Susie & SPS too....


Now - as for your question on allotments V decorating..... easy - when the weather is good, it's outdoor time - when it's crap, it's indoor time.... problem solved!

hmmm yep ... and thats what I do ... at the moment its all garden walks .. housework on the side ... but decorating gets done when the weather is crap ... and as I do it all I will still to my plan ....

[wolfsong]

Hmmm... I sort of agree with Susie & SPS too....

My hubby isn't really too bothered about what's growing in the veggie garden = although he totally supports me in growing it all!!
We have much different interests, but he says if you really want to analyse a relationship, draw 2 circles.... write all YOUR interests in one - all HER interests in the other - now over lap the two..... is it roughly half & half? If os, you've cracked it! If not... sit yourself down & have a serious think.....

Now - as for your question on allotments V decorating..... easy - when the weather is good, it's outdoor time - when it's crap, it's indoor time.... problem solved!

That is an excellent idea! However be wary of those who SAY they like things you like and also people who just take opposition to things for the hell of it... I dunno, maybe your OH will come round Craig...

[Ellendra]

Craig, I have to say this: some of the phrasing you use indicates that you might be dealing with a control freak. Watch yourself!

[boboff]

Crickey!

This is a bit to the point.

If it wasn't the Allotment it could be Football, or a games console.

Big generalization coming up, but here we go.

In my opinion when Women are wanting you to live there lives for them, and or, picking and nagging at you, there are only EVER two reasons for this, they feel Fat or skint. It's either a low self image or a security issue. If she's Fat, then suggest the exercise at the allotment will do her good, if it's money then split everything 50/50 and keep all spending separate. I did this in the new year when my OH went a bit nuts, and it seems to have worked, and in any event if things are that bad and you make it clear that this is a pre-cursor to splitting up, the fact that you give her half of any savings held in joint accounts, basically says this is your last chance, you are on your own financially, if you continue to want to ruin my life then you will be on your own physically as well. The fact that she has 3 pairs of shoes and you have no money to decorate, displays a lack of maturity in her attitude.

Unless she's a 4ft Nymphomaniac whose Dad runs a Pub, then I would act sooner rather than later.

[Mr and Mrs luvpie]

. If she's Fat, then suggest the exercise at the allotment will do her good, .

A word of caution from a woman!! Unless you wish to terminate your relationship forthwith please do NOT follow the above advice!!!!!

No SG lets be honest, I think what you meant to say was 'Unless you with to terminate your relationship forthwith, and have already removed any of your belongings that you wish to keep in one piece, please do Not follow the above advice!!!!