Oh, mrsfibble. I feel for you, I really do. You need so many hugs right now, and if I were there I would give you them all. I have suffered from some of the symptoms you describe in the past - terrible depression, paranoia (mild in my case) and agoraphobia. The agoraphobia was just while we lived at a certain address, in a horrible, horrible neighbourhood where we didn't fit in. I was terrified that if I went out my home would be vandalised or burned down before I got back (this wasn't the paranoia - people were actually trying to do this!). It's an awful situation to be in, and I can't imagine how much worse it must be with your other symptoms as well. Please remember that you have many friends here on ish - not just the ones you know personally, there are many, many more of us, and you can certainly contact me if you want a confidential chat.
mrsflibble wrote:
Agorophobia tends to come with the down points, I sometimes can't even get into my own garden without a panic attack. this problem got better after counselling and use of a bach flower remedy, but still hits me from time to time. Tea, this is why I cancel on you.
When I suffered the agoraphobia, I also used to cancel dates to see friends and family. Unfortunately, they didn't know I had this problem as I kept it all hidden, so they thought I was just being rude. There was one time I managed to drag myself out to the bus stop (which was quite a walk from where I lived then). After waiting for an age, the bus finally came - and went straight past. I just couldn't cope with that, and ran all the way home where I rang my friend and said I'm not coming. She wasn't happy - I think she had gone out of her way to make things nice for my arrival. So please make sure people know of your condition as soon as you can, partly so that they can give you the support you need, but also so that they are not offended by your cancellation and (if you're anything like me) really poor excuses.
On the subject of doctors and the health 'profession' in general - well, I could spend hours, days even without a break telling you what I think of them and why. But I will just mention a few things so that you know there are others out here that share your doubts about them.
Back in 1999, my partner had a pain in his chest and was coughing up blood. He went to see his GP urgently, who said it was a bad cold and gave him some very strong cough medicine. In hindsight, we should have taken no notice of this and gone straight to the hospital, but we trusted the opinions of so-called professionals back then. He stopped coughing all together, so no more blood coming up, but the pain became worse and worse until one evening he could hardly breath and was carted off to hospital. It turned out he had pneumonia and a blood clot on his lung. After that, plus other scarey things this doctor did (or failed to do) for other family members, he decided to transfer to a different GP. All was fine, with only rare, non-life-threatening visits to the doctor for several years. Then, just before Christmas 2007 he started to experience pains in his legs and feet, had a rash on his ankles, developed a cough and had sporadic chest pains. He visited the (new) doctor, who gave him antihistamine cream and antibiotics (no alcohol all Christmas!). Needless to say, they had no effect and he felt very unhappy with the so-called-treatment, and felt he had not been listened to at all. So before he finished the course he made an appointment to see a different doctor at the same practice. This doctor actually listened to him, especially when he mentioned his history and he was sent the same day for tests. It turns out he had blood clots in his legs this time, and the specialist believes he has thrombophilia, meaning he will be on Warfarin for the rest of his life.
This little story is to show you that you are not the only one who has doubts, and that without these doubts the effects of the GPs' actions (or inactions) could be catastrophic. I read some of your message to Richard, and his immediate reaction was that you should change your GP, always make sure they read your notes by saying the words 'history of..', and seek help from other sources such as the charity Mind (
http://www.mind.org.uk/).
(Just on the subject of reading the notes, this is not always a good thing. When I was heavily pregnant with Katie, I went to see a doctor (locum) with excruciating back pain to ask if there was anything I could do about it. On this occasion, the doctor read my notes, and on seeing that I had been off work for many weeks due to stress, she offered me counseling. She just wouldn't listen when I said I had recovered from the stress, and she was not interested in my back pain at all, only in getting me into counseling.)
Richard also reminded me (though he didn't need to) of the numerous evenings we have spent 'putting the world to rights' on the subject of doctors. One of the topics we regularly rant about is that as soon as you walk through the door, the doctor will ask you if you smoke and how much you drink. If you are overweight, the answer is always 'lose weight', regardless of your problem. It's like they have standard questions and responses, and can't really be bothered to listen to what we have to say.
I would also like to suggest that whenever you have an appointment regarding your mental health issues, whoever that appointment might be with, make sure you tell at least one other person. This is something I didn't do, opting instead to keep everything to myself, bottled up. The problem was, when I was feeling really low, I couldn't bring myself to make an appointment. So I made appointments when I was feeling a little better. Then, usually, by the time the appointment day was here, I felt so low I couldn't drag myself there - especially during the few years I suffered the agoraphobia as well. If someone else knows you have an appointment, they will be able to keep an eye on you and make sure you go to it.
I'm sorry this reply is a bit all over the place, and I apologize also if I have repeated something someone else has said. I've hardly been able to get near the computer for a few days, but I wanted to reply as soon as I could to let you know I think you are very brave for opening up, that I would like to hug you till you are better, and that I think you are now on the road to a happier, more peaceful life. OK, so this doctor didn't listen and was totally out of order. But you are intelligent enough to realize that and act on it. Good luck. Peace and bright blessings.
) - and they really have absolutely no idea what they are talking about! I have an appointment with the nutritionist/dietician this afternoon; she's a nice woman, but she is also thin as a stick and quite clearly has never been where I am. I'd be much happier with somebody who shows that they've been there, done that, and got out the other end.
my sister is starting to display symptoms too, mum's going to get her looked at soon as she's only 11.
