Finally I asked for help with mental issues

[mrsflibble]

I've been having problems mentally for many years, depression with a capital D mostly. when my symptoms began to change last year i ignored it. I carried on ignoring it but it got so bad recently that i actually forced myself to the dr. I am greatly disappointed with the treatment I got.
Now, since having sophie and what a debarcle that was, I've a great mistrust of doctors in general, but until recently I alwasy trusted my GP's decisions.
just a beginning comment though, Madame Cholet: MY MOTHER KNOWS NOTHING OF THIS! UNDER YOUR POINTY BLACK HAT PLEASE!!! I promise, I'll tell her when I get a proper diagnosis. I don't want her to panic, she's got too much on her plate right now.

Anyway, on with it.
if you were a GP and an overweight patient came to you and said "dr, I'm scared about my mental health" what would you do? bear in mind this patient has a history of severe depression and attempted suicide, a medical condition which can amplify syptoms of depressive illness and family history of mental illness (including a mother with mild manic depression and an uncle with paranoid schizophrenia) and is displaying early signs which her mother (and uncle) showed at the same age... would you tell her "depression is not the pressing issue, your weight is"? he said originally to me "are you depressed right now?" and I started to tell him that no, I wasn't depressed, I was scarily the other way but he cut me off before I could mention the hyperactivity and inability to sleep and said "your weight is the more pressing issue then".

I've been thinking over his comments over and over again since I saw him. Originally I thought he meant that if i lose weight, maybe I'll be happier...but I'm getting more and more angry since thinking, maybe thats not actually what he meant. maybe he wasnt listening to me at all. perhaps he's not actually read any of my fricking notes... but I'm not sure if it's really something to get angry over or if the anger is just due to the come-down from a 3 day episode of extreme hyperactivity. I'm scaring myself from time to time at the moment. I can be normal for days and then I'll just snap and go either way. if I'm depressed then I'm also paranoid and agorophobic, if I'm high then I'm just plain wierd.

I feel here I need to mention a few more symptoms as they scare me, and please don't let them scare you. I'm still myself, just a slightly more mental version.

I hear voices; never clear ones telling me to do things, but they're there all the same. It's not tinnitus, I suffer from that too and this is different. I am up and down like a yoyo (this we all know); the ups come with insomnia and hyperactivity, the downs can get so bad...
what else?
I hallucinate erm... to coin a rather well-used phrase, I see dead people. They're mostly by the side of the road, standing looking at me.
Major paranoia. if I'm having paranoia then I'm certain I'm being watched or listened to, people are looking at me and someone is out to get my daughter an take her away from me. I once sat for 4 hours one night when james was away, outside my baby's bedroom door with a baseball bat. I've never even told Tea that and until recently she knew more about my mental instability than anyone.
Agorophobia tends to come with the down points, I sometimes can't even get into my own garden without a panic attack. this problem got better after counselling and use of a bach flower remedy, but still hits me from time to time. Tea, this is why I cancel on you. I'm determinded not to do it again though! force me out! force me!!!
I'm not a danger to others, though I can be to myself when things get bad but I thankfully have an amazing support network comprising of James and Tea and my mate Katie (and her hubby Jamie) who make sure it never gets that bad. I tend not to rely on family as they're either too far away (Mme Cholet par exemple) or have their own sh1t to deal with.

I'm seeing the original dr again on 15th sept to review my medication (the fat pills he gave me, as well as my thyroxine). I know I'm overweight and I know that despite being on a diet since last oct I've managed to gain half a stone, but if I was properly medicated for the tyroxine I probably wouldn't have gained so much. I'd not have lost any, but wouldn't have gained. and the fat pills side effects are horrible. I've actually had to UP my fat intake to stop from getting oily diarrhoea! how does that make sense?! I don't at a bad diet, and I do exercise! he never asked me anyhing about my eating habits!

I'm really scared of the outcome, but I keep telling myself whatever it is, it's just an illness and like other illnesses it can be controlled. If I were a diabetic I'd take insulin, this is no different.
but I feel like I'm making progress just by asking for help. Sorry it took so long. that appology especially goes out to Tea who seems to be asking me to get help every time I go round hahaha!!!

I've made an appointment for earlier than the 15th. 10:10am, 10th sept I'm seeing my daughter's doctor who has never treated me like a neurotic mum (unlike some) so I'm hoping it'll help. incidentaly, she's overweight but very fit. I called the receptionist and asked striaghtout "how do I go about getting a second opinion?". the recpetionist asked what area it was likely to be in so they could pair me with a dr who has a basic speciality, as soon as I said "mental health" she bent over backwards to accomodate me which was so lovely I wanted to cry... but didn't.
I'm going to request a referral because I've heard that if you request one, they can't refuse you or something like that. is that true? I really feel like i'm finally doing the right thing by getting help but i'm so scared.

sorry this was long but sometimes we all need a rant.

[hedgewitch]

(((HUGS MISSUS F)))

Rant away missus - we all need to do that.

Seeking help is the first step which you have done and kudos to you for taking that step. You know something's wrong and you know yourself better than anyone. Don't let doctors undermine what is going on. Definitely seek a second opinion - and a third and a forth if you are not happy with the outcome.

[QuizMaster]

<hugs>
OMG we all have our troubles don't we?
Right now I'm feeling a lot of stress. I get like this from time to time.
I need a break, but if I take a break the stressful work will just be waiting for me when I come back.

I'm surprised your doctor acted like that. What they should really do is refer you to an expert in the area. Even a trained counsellor, who would at least be good at listening, and could refer you on to the right person.

A friend of mine has been living with schizophrenia for almost 30 years. He says the medication is a lot better than it used to be. He seems to live a very full life from what I can see, but I'm sure he has his problems.

Here's wishing you all the best. Your wierdo internet friends are rooting for you!

You're tuned in to the -ish lifestyle, so you must be doing something right!

[ina]

Blimming hell... Mrs F, your doctor is a twit. Says somebody who's seen that kind, too. Whenever you are not exactly standing on the bridge ready to jump, the problem isn't pressing. (Well, if you were standing on the bridge, you wouldn't be at the doctor's, would you now!)

I don't know what it's like where you are, health service wise - I know it's different up here in Scotland. After experience with an idiot (try these - they are a nice little pill for depression... ), I managed to get very good service from specialists. Not too much waiting time, either - weeks rather than years. Can you get an appointment with a psychiatric service? And - to deal with your allegedly currently more pressing problem - and appointment with a nutritionist? Fat pills are seriously bad - there was a programme on radio 4 not long ago, and after listening to that I am determined never ever to fall into that trap... Side effects a lot worse than beneficial effects. And if you have mental problems anyway, they'll only make them worse. (My depression is nowhere as bad as yours - but it does have a connection with my weight, too, so I think I can understand where you are.)

[Milims]

Mrs F my heart goes out to you and I send you hugs. You are a very brave lady, and you are doing the right thing. Well done to you for taking the steps to put it right - it's hard to do, especially when you feel like you do. But, as Chris said to me today, you can clearly see that you want to be better, to have more of a life and that you are prepared to do something about it, and that means that it hasn't completely taken you over and that there is hope. Don't loose your hope.
It seems to me that these days people become doctors because they are paid well and have power over others - not because they actually care. Chris and I have been thru utter hell over these last 2 years. He became ill, began treatment, has been poisoned 3 times by the medication he's on, is allowed to see his consultant only every 6 months (and that's for a degenerative disease where a lot can happen in six months), his medication doesn't seem to have worked - but because he's only seen every 6 months they have only just found that out, we've asked for support and information but they just don't know anything - they didn't even know that there was an appropriate information service within their own referral system So we are left trying to struggle thru this blind and alone. At the last appointment the consultant basically told us that he didn't really know what was happening, that it was possible that Chris doesn't have what they thought he had and so he's had to have an MRI to try and find something out - so it seems that we may have to start treatments all over again and that the last 2 years have been a complete waste of time - not to mention the damage that it's done to him. We've lost our careers, the lives we set out on and are now struggling to hold on to eachother. Chris lives in constant pain and his entire life is severly restricted in every way - even something as simple as going up stairs can become a major task. In the meantime I've been diagnosed with reactive depression (there's a surprise!) for which they can't medicate me because I have severe adverse reactions to the medication they offer and the only other thing they can offer me is to be put on a 3 month waiting list for counselling only to be told that it only runs 2 days a week - on the very 2 days that I was working! I've spent most of my waking hours this last week either in floods of tears or so exhausted that I'm out cold and yesterday I smashed every serving bowl that I could lay my hands on and threw the stereo on the floor and beat it to death with a metal bar! Yes - I'm turning into psycho bitch from hell - I just feel so frustrated and helpless. And they only way we can seem to get anyone to listen and hopefully take some action to help us is if we use what little energy and resources we have to keep on at them to do something. So much for the caring profession! Take comfort from the fact that you have a good support network, some very caring friends - even if you've never met them in person and from your personal strength and desire to get better - and from the fact that you have a very beautiful little girl and a clearly very loving hubby.
PS every time we look at a certain slug and cauliflower you give us a smile!

Sorry - that ended up ebing a bit of a long one

[mrsflibble]

I like that that was a bit long milims.
I'm also glad to see others here with the same problems with the medical establishment. my mistrust of doctors came after basildon hospital nearly killed me (twice) during soph's birth. I've worked through the pain that left with a counsellor, and believe me that did help at the time.
As you said Milims, I need to hold the hope. I've had bouts of depression before and the hope thing is the same there too. It is all that's keeping me together right now. I'm lucid enough to see it's not right. the moment I lose that, all hell will break loose (and has done in the past).
10/9 at 10:10 ;) I don't know whether I'm more pleased that I'm seeing another doctor I know from past experience, or whether it's 'cos she's fat hahaha!!!

[StripyPixieSocks]

I'm overweight and I suffer from depression with a capital D so (((MASSIVE HUGS)))

Just do it, go and get help... I know how hard it is and I struggle to go to the GP at all all the time because I do not trust them whatsoever but luckily I have found a nice GP and Health Worker (Dietician) who is helping wonderfully.

I know, like me you will probably be very reluctant to get help then reluctant to keep up with any medication they give you but PLEASE do it!!

Also ask for counselling (practically demand if you have to) as you mention that you thought it might be your weight but are now not sure it is... counselling will help you get to the root of the problem (and with me it is weight). You could also keep some kind of private journal and write down all your big rants and things that have tripped you off into an episode and then read it back and maybe discover doing 'x' makes you more angry or more calm and take it from there.

I just got back from seeing a GP today who told me I would never lose weight without surgery... my dietician tells me otherwise and has the evidence to back it up but still it's depressed me but at the same time made me more determined... how dare he tell me that!!

Anyway... that ramble was supposed to be supportive... I really hope it is... at least a wee bit :)

GOOD LUCK!

[Merry]

I haven`t got any specialist knowledge or experiences but I`d just like to send hugs and positive vibes. I think that you are a very brave and self aware person.

[MKG]

Seeing things and hearing things is not lightweight stuff, Mrs. F. On the other hand, one of the main ramifications of any serious psychosis is lack of insight into the illness - and that's a thing which you display in spades. The fact that you recognise that something is wrong means that you're not nutty as a fruitcake. Well, let me rephrase that. We all KNOW that you're a complete nut, but you're not seriously away with the fairies. (This, by the way, is straightforward and good clinical advice whereof I know, so I ain't just preachin' at ya!!!).

You're almost certainly depressed, and depression can do extremely strange things to a person. This, of course, means that your doctor is a complete dildo and you need to go and talk to someone else with a little more sympathy and practicality. You want some help. Now imagine how hard you'd push for help if Soph was ill and not, in your opinion, being treated seriously enough. You'd steamroller 'em. That's what you have to do for yourself.

Go back, insist on talking to someone in the know, and get the help you need. In the meantime, don't worry about things which aren't going to happen. You are NOT going completely loopy - I guarantee it. You KNOW that dead people standing at the side of the road is not as things should be.

Go and get the help, don't be an immovable object if someone prescribes anti-depressants (sometimes they're needed), and get yourself well. And there's always this site if you feel like a kick and a scream.

[Rod in Japan]

Mrs F, I had the voices once too in my early 30s when I had no control over my work schedule and was under heavy stress. It certainly was a scary experience. The voice was not exactly a kindly presence.

Your doctor sounds not worth bothering with. Are there any non-medical counsellors that you could consult, without having to join a queue?

I find that sitting watching my breath for 30 minutes every day has made me happier and less stressed. It's an easy, cheap and efficient self-help method. Would yoga or tai chi help? Some of the breathing exercises in yoga have real benefits for mental wellbeing. It may also help with your weight. This site has some nice videos for yoga breathing that you might like to try www.anmolmehta.com Obviously some good Western-style medical care would be good too, but if it's not readily available, perhaps it would be wise to look at other ways to keep from going mad?

Anyway, my best wishes to you.

[Wombat]

Wow Guys!

Sorry to hear all the crap that is going on with everyone, hugs all round!

Had the odd mental issue myself (barking mad Australian - bad idea!) so I feel for you guys.A good support system is essential, I shudder to think where I would be now without Mrs Wombat.

Especially sorry to hear about the crap that Helen and Chris are going through, having spent time with these lovely people, it seems so unfair. Also for you too Mrs F and Ina.

For what it's worth, prayers and good vibes coming your way!

Nev

[Ellendra]

I'm not sure what I can offer you other than sympathy. That doctor should know enough to shut his eyes and listen. After seeing Doctor Who I don't think I could stand to be in the same room as diet pills (anyone else see that episode?)

I don't know if this helps, but working out really helps me when I'm feeling insane. I might scare people who see me at the punching bags, but I feel like I'm getting everything out of my system.

Lots of hugs!

[Russian Doll]

emma first of you know hiow proud i am of you...you have the first step and declared your problems to all of us and thats brave


massive hugs hunny ya know whre i am for a cuddle cry or just a gossip

[Millymollymandy]

Hugs to you Mrs Flibble and I do hope the 2nd doctor has a few more brain cells than the first one!

[ina]

I don't know whether I'm more pleased that I'm seeing another doctor I know from past experience, or whether it's 'cos she's fat hahaha!!!

I know just what you mean... All those blimming bean stalks telling you "just eat less", just do this or that, well, you have to have smaller portions, just have more exercise (yeah right, after working all day on the farm ) - and they really have absolutely no idea what they are talking about! I have an appointment with the nutritionist/dietician this afternoon; she's a nice woman, but she is also thin as a stick and quite clearly has never been where I am. I'd be much happier with somebody who shows that they've been there, done that, and got out the other end.