Problems with kids forum, anyone?

[JulieSherris]

I know this isn't the right forum for this sort of advice.... BUT.....

I'm a bit desperate for some kind of forum/advice site regarding my middle girl.
The main problem is that she's 25! So not a kid, so to speak!

She came out with us to ireland last year, but blotted her copybook (after we'd spent goodness knows how much on her) by getting a 'friend' to send her some resin 'substance' in jiffy bags! Needless to say, we popped her on a plane back home tout suite! Her dad then took over the reins & has set her up in a flat in Blackpool just round the corner from her little sis.
(he lives near london but yep, he too has spent quite a fair amount....)

So... yesterday she tells me that her flat was broken into - all that was taken was an X-Box 360 which was her xmas pressy from us... (bear in mind that 2 yrs ago she sold her laptop & PS2 that were gifts from us too)
Youngest daughter & her man went to see her last night & their presence scared off 2 shifty looking guys... one of whom popped a small pack of white powder into his sock before going.

And I'm sitting here wondering what I should do - if anything... she's 25... just how much can you do before you put your hands up & give in? Should you give in? Should you carry on 'trying to help'? Oh, blimey, I dunno.

Anyway, sorry for putting this 'out here', but I have no idea where to turn to now.
Julie... sad & confused.

[MKG]

Hi Julie ... and I feel for you.

She's 25. I wouldn't object to the cannabis any more than tobacco, but white powders are always a no-no. However, there's little you can do except ...

Make sure that she knows you know, and she knows that you don't admire her for it AT ALL, don't approve one little bit, and that you certainly don't want to be involved by her selfish actions in bringing the stuff into your home.

Then you have to decide how hard you can be. She's already blatantly lied to you about the theft. That means she's made some kind of preferential choice. Disagree with her choice. Disagree so vehemently that she is faced with another choice - her family or the junk. Don't fall for the "familial support" crap. The last thing she needs is support to continue using. BE AS HARD AS NAILS.

Tough ... maybe. And maybe she'll end up choosing the stuff over you (in which case you were always going to come off second best). Or maybe she'll see sense. She's either in marginally (in which case she can still make her own informed choices) or she's in deep (in which case you're going to have no choice about being hard - it's all you can do).

Believe me, I wish you the best of luck. But do remember that luck isn't necessary - 95% of such cases turn out OK after a bit of a power struggle.

[Shirley]

Hi Julie

It's a toughie that's for sure... MKG has given some good advice.

Try the Talk to Frank website - they might be able to help put you in touch with someone that can help your daughter, or try Drugscope - or Adfam - all are good sites that have been recommended by a police website.

Stay strong!

[JulieSherris]

MKG, Shirlz..... thank you so much for your answers - just 'confessing' has done me the world of good!

Oh, I don't really have any problems with cannabis - as long as I don't havta smoke it - I get by quite well enough with my daily ciggy fix, ta.... yeah, I know it's bad for me - saying that, I've ordered some tobacco seeds to grow & cure myself! But at least I won't be adding all the extra nasties! (and that's my excuse!)

I am about to have a look for some advice - but I certainly won't be pandering to her,.... at this rate, she'll be bloody lucky if she gets a £20 M & S voucher for chrimbo this year.

Thanks again Guys - well appreciated.
Julie x

[Russian Doll]

advice from a former drug addcit of a many white powder here....leave her to it...tell her in no uncertain terms that you dont want it in your house and if she does kick her out....tell her the day she decides she wants to quit drugs that you willl be there one hundred percent for her then but tbh untill she comes to that descion herself then you cant help....do not provide her with anything or any oppurtunities to get stuff to sell including a 20 ms voucher....tough nasty love i know but its the only way to keep yourself sane tbh

i was addicted to a lot of drugs...i lost my daughter over drugs...i nearly lost my life....and the only thing that took me to realise i needed help was after i put my daughter up for adoption....then my mum gave me all the support i wanted ..im now totally clean and teetotal and have four wonderful children and a great many friends who mean more to me than anything..mrs f i mean you lol

good luck hun its going to be a damm hard struggle but stay strong for yourself you can pm me anytime

[JulieSherris]

Thank you for your honesty.
And yes, I agree with the things you've said.... I will gather my thoughts, have a pint of strong coffee & pm you - thank you.
Julie

[mrsflibble]

I have no advice to give, but can offer non-judgemental hugs. and passed the link for this thread on to the one person I knew who could give some advice. I too am very proud of her honesty.