Advice pls, am I being difficult

[Susie]

This is a very small thing, but...

We went to T***o earlier and Partner wanted to buy some ice cream for later, and asked if I wanted some. I said I didn’t. So he said was I worried about calories (I’m not, I just didn’t really fancy it.) I, assuming he wanted someone to eat ice cream with in a sociable way, said I would like to have some if I made it, although if he wanted to buy some and eat it that was fine, I wouldn’t feel deprived. So he said why couldn’t we just buy it, and I said I just preferred the kind I make (we have a machine, I coincidentally had most of the ingredients anyway, it takes literally 5 mins to make and 5 mins to scoop it in a dish.) So he said, why was I complicating things, and I, provoked, said I don’t like pre-prepared food (I don’t). So now apparently I am a hideous controlling food snob (he has not said this, I am extrapolating from his sulking.)

Do you think I’m being unreasonable and controlling? I really don’t like pre-prepared food if I can help it.

[Green Aura]

I think it can be quite difficult when one partner's more Ish than the other. And I'm not sure how you reach a compromise - I'm with you, homemade is always better than processed.

Anyway I'm sure you're not hideous but as for being a "controlling food snob" I'm OK with that too And long may it be so - you'll be healthier, happier and better off financially - how can there be a down side to that?

He'll get over it, especially after a bowl of lovely homemade ice cream.

[Silver Ether]

I dont think your being difficult ... I have had this type of issue with mine for 30 years ... not from the ish point of view just from I will eat what I like and because I dont eat crap ... I have often be called names for it ... till I got to the point of eating what I want and letting him eat what he wants ... now he is to heavy, high BP and cholestrol... changing his mind now...

[Milims]

Silly Billy clearly doesn't know what he's missing! I'd happily join you for a bowl of home made icecream - I don't really like shop bought either!
PS Did he stop to think of the time and cost involved in going to the supermarket? Especially if it only takes 5 min to make ice cream from what you have in the house? Now I want an icecream maker!

[Gem]

This sounds a lot like the sort of sulking I experience from my OH.. More often than not it is nothing whatsoever to do with what he is picking holes in, he is just feeling tetchy and wants to pick holes! I mean look at the scenario. You haven't complicated things in the slightest, you have not tried to enforce your values on him and you have offered to make him some yummy food stuffs. Sounds like crabbymansyndrome to me!

I guess if it is something that repeatedly comes up then it may be more than that but really? Sulking when someone offers home made ice cream?? (sigh)

[Durgan]

I just got rid of a partner for similar attitudes- second marriage. We dated for 3.5 years and I assumed the partner was perfect. We married and then things started to turn. For three years I could do nothing right. The haranguing got to be almost a daily experience. One day about 5 months ago, I went to a lawyer and started divorce proceedings. We have now separated and all the financial business is completed. We are both reduced in disposable income, and capital is reduced by paying lawyers large amounts.

There is no reason to sweat the small stuff. I takes such as being irrational. Without immediate correction it can lead to too much misery to continue in a relationship. It is better to be alone and miserable, rather than have a partner and be miserable. With some people rational, logical discussion is not possible. It is like churches, dissecting rooms, slaughter houses, mortuaries, etc. and one instinctively avoids such places. There is no pleasure in leading a life of quiet desperation.

[Susie]

Thank you, everybody, reading your replies really cheered me up. I feel a bit better now, so I've decided not to strangle him tonight, although God knows he's had a lucky escape .

[pelmetman]

Many years ago when we lived in Brightlingsea and the Live animal export protests were going on and "er in doors" was down the port getting her ankles kicked by the police everyday, she decided to go vegitarian and as she did all the cooking then it mean't I went vegge to

Well anyway that year I bought a lot of pork pies

Its only ever an issue if you choose to make it one

[frozenthunderbolt]

Perhaps it was a convenience issue for him? can you make in advance and freeze perhaps? Depending on how willing to pander to him you are!

[Millymollymandy]

Having recently bought an ice cream maker which I've only used twice so far (cos it makes huge amounts ) and poured last year's commercially made ice cream down the sink surrounded by a foul stench of unreal sickly sweetness, I will never want to buy ice cream out of a tub, ever again! If your partner has tasted your home made ice cream I'm really surprised he wasn't just hinting at you to make some, rather than buy it!

[Susie]

I think the problem is he doesn't really cook (I'm not bothered, I'd much rather do the cooking than the hoovering and he does hoover!) so if we eat homemade everything he's reliant on me to cook it and I think he worries it's a hassle for me and I'll tell him off (I wouldn't, because I don't mind doing it). Although I'm attributing the sulking to crabbymansyndrome like Gem says. Also like GA says, he's just not ish, and he doesn't have the automatic homemade-is-better-than-processed thing, so it looks to him like a lot of trouble for no benefit (I do find that confusing but each to their own.)

Oddly enough as I posted the original post yesterday and was thinking, God perhaps I am a food fascist and imposing it on friends & family and perhaps they all hate me secretly, my mother rang me randomly to tell me she'd been reading about trans fats and she was never eating processed food again. It was very odd timing!

[kit-e-kate]

Crikey! 11 posts in this thread and its about whether or not to buy ice cream! What on earth will happen if you two ever have to make a really big decision!??? Think i'll start building my anderson shelter now....

[pelmetman]

I suggest you carry on doing what you think is right and eventually he will take it onboard

Us blokes are very slow learners it took years for "er in doors" to wean me off junk food, but only the other day I said it will be to hot in the van for her homemade rolls (Turkey, salad and mayonaise) and said I would buy something out

I went to a fast food outlet that I used to love, YUK.................................................. funny how your tastes change

[TheGoodEarth]

This is a very small thing, but...

I would say! It's called bickering, or normal relationship behaviour. This is just typical female over analysis of a perfectly normal situation. All of this going on in your head over whether to buy ice cream! No wonder we men don't understand the female psyche. Save your emotional anxiety for a more deserving moment.

[Rosendula]

I like to pick up junk food in stupormarkets and read the ingredients out loud before shuddering dramatically, dumping them back on the shelf and strutting off announcing that I can make better than that myself for a fraction of the cost and that it would be a lot tastier. OK, I don't do this very often, but it's fun in a fast-approaching-middle-aged-grumpy-woman kind of way . Anyway, could you do something similar? Pick up stuff that sounds nice and tasty and read the ingredients out loud, then go home and make something similar but without all the additives. Don't forget to remind him of all the stuff that's NOT in it, and allow him to make suggestions to personalize it to his tastebuds by perhaps suggesting a similar dish but with a different sauce or whatever and encouraging him to think about it and give his opinion. I'm thinking of drawing him in to the decisions to make him feel more involved with his food, even if he does still do the hoovering (you lucky, lucky lady)