spoilt or not spoilt??

[clare]

I love christmas,the whole holly and ivy decorating the house ,the tree,the baking of mince pies and making of sweets the getting together with our dwindling family.(2 Nans lost this year)But every year I feel our children get so much.They are not greedy children and usually only have 4 or five things on their santa letter and the grandparents and great nan get 3 of those and I tend to buy them things like pyjamas and maybe an outfit(always sale items)I start getting stocking bits from august (hair clips, small books,pens etc useful needed items ,alot 2nd hand).This year we got off quite lightly as the grandparents just bought what they asked for and not the usual "extra presents"which we never need or sometimes the children don't even play with them.Their uncle sent them £10 each which went into their money boxes.I always ebay before christmas for things outgrown so I can pay for new things and they get nothing all year as their birthdays are December and january (bad planning on our part!!)but it all seems so much,but in the playground yesterday I realised listening to other mums that my 2 girls seem to be in a minority of gifts received,I couldn't believe all the ds,wii,ipods etc they got along with lots of "bits" .Mine got those so called "bits" as their presents along with PJ's ,a couple of tops,some winter boots and their stockings.My Hubby has been in and out of work this year but we didn't have to do anything different for christmas as we worked hard to make up the lost wages and "catch up",but perhaps they are not as spoilt as I thought.......

[oldjerry]

The time we spend agonizing over how much? how little?,how different do we want the kids to feel from their friends?,the hideous consumer tsunami that is christmas,etc etc in many ways being skint makes things a bit easier.Actually,being at present,borassic,that's rubbish,it just goes to show how gut-wrenching bringing up kids is in 2011.I really haven't any answers at all,(certainly not the glib'Well as long as they know they're loved ,That's what really matters'- try telling that to an 11yr old who just wants to 'fit in').

So no answers, but one hell of a lot of empathy, if that's any good.

[boboff]

Have you noticed the kids with Mum & Dad split up get the most?

Well there's your answer.

I am 100% sure a child will be happier in a happy home, there is nothing wrong with not having it all. What we try and do is give them the choice. i.e. if they get money they buy what they want, and if they want something big then they save for a couple of Christmases and a Birthday. What they spend it on, we don't often agree with, and we let them know that, but also that it is their choice. Mostly they waste the money.......

Manners are so important, and NOT having everything they want is important too. Being "spoilt" is not about what you do or don't have, it's an attitude, you can be the only person to judge that.

[Lost-in-the-Day]

I would say definately not spoilt, not even a little bit.

[nicola1968]

I'm afraid I'm quite "tight" at Christmas on presents. Its not about lots and lots of money and flash presents, it should be all about spending time together with your family and friends. I was shocked today when I picked DS up from nursery school and found that one of his peers was given a DS for Christmas along with other gifts .... This is a preschooler, in my mind they simply don't need a DS. Apparently it was to stop arguments as his sibling had one. Surely there's a cheaper way to stop arguments??? The cost of a DS is more than our budget for each of our children for Christmas so anything like that was out of the question but it makes me want to weep when I see all the things some children get. It isn't necessary. I don't work and am there to take my children to school and pick them up at the end of the day. If they want more "things" I'll have to go back to paid work and they'll have to go to a childminders before and after school. I've explained it to them, and they don't necessarily agree with my decision but, fortunately, they're not actually in charge ;)

I don't believe that children need a lot of material things, even to fit in with their peers. They do need the confidence of being loved and put first. They need to know that they can come home at the end of the day and trust their caregivers with their worries. Those with tv's and game stations in their rooms seem to be getting the message that they should be staying out of the way of their parents .....

Nik

[oldjerry]

Trouble is 'spoilt' is such a loaded word where kids are concerned.It's OK when you're an adult to ' spoil yourself ' every now and again,but everyones abit hung up about 'spoilt brats',' spare the rod spoil the child' etc. Is it only Grand parents that can spoil children? Surely, as long as they REALISE they're being spoilt,and it isn't the norm,that's pretty good,be that pancakes and chocolate spread for sunday breakfast,or a trip to Thomasland(never again)......I dunno,give me an in-pig sow any day.

[clare]

I agree nicola with all you said ,my girls have been told if I go to work we would have more money but they would rather have me at home.they love seeing friends and family and they don't ask for things.they have manners and know right from wrong and when they get treats they know its a treat.so I think maybe they are not spoilt.

[Thomzo]

Sounds like you're a wonderful Mum.

Zoe

[MuddyWitch]

One of my eldest's childhood friends has four kids: 7, 5, 3 & 18months. She spent over £1000 on their xmas presents, which is shocking enough, but was complaining on Dec 27th when most of the plastic tat was broken & in dustbin sacks!

Trust me, your kids are not spoilt. They are lucky, loved and will grow into lovely human beings who care about what they & others have. Not treat the whole world as 'disposable'

MW

[Alice Abbott]

More later on the trials and tribulations of Xmas with my Mom, she is about to leave so I'm feeling pretty frivolous today... In the meantime this is what our brood had for Xmas. Pia and Luca certainly didn't expect more and had a lovely time. Our Christmas decorations were home-made and our entertainment involved crazy games which seemed to be made up as we went along. Mack & I didn't buy each other presents (needless to say Mom spent a fortune on ours).

Pia

Coloured pipe cleaners - €1.79 (no idea why she wanted them, ordinarily I would think it was to do with her hair but since the Mohican incident she doesn't really have much...)
A Dr Who DVD (€2) we found at a vide grenier in the summer and hid from her
New leather shoes (€39) as her previous ones were beyond redemption. She would have got these whether it had been Xmas or not so they hardly count though.
Various pens, pencils, brushes, paper and books (probably €10 in total)
And from her grandma - three complete outfits from some French designer boutique located in La Rochelle and which cost her a small fortune (not my idea!)

Luca

Large fish tank to keep his pet lizard in (present from a neighbour who caught it in his cave). This was €3 from the local brocante shop.
A mountain bike (vide grenier, €10) as his own is very much outgrown and will be handed down to Pia now.
From his grandma - all the Harry Potter films on DVD, ie a small fortune. He (and Pia) will love them but it was far too extravagant


Twins

Two wooden jigsaws (brocante shop, €3 for both of them)
A large wooden toy which Mack made, lots of pegs of various shapes and sizes, holes and two large mallets to hammer them with. The only cost here was time and a little varnish!
A beautiful rag bunny each. Made by a friend and for which she finally accepted €10 (she wanted to give them free)
From their grandma - matching red woollen coats and hats (very beautiful but about 6 times more expensive than I would have paid) plus an "American doll" each (apparently all the rage in the States) which I suspect were not cheap either and which are not really suitable for grubby little toddlers.

I don't think kids remember their presents but they do remember if they had a happy day with their family. Basically being spoilt is hard to define but it sounds as if yours are just fine!

[seasidegirl]

I went through all this too and really feel for you. Mine are grown up now but I do remember the older they got the harder and more expensive it got. The peer pressure is horrible.

Are there any like minded parents you can team up with and try and make a stand? The school teachers have so much influence - maybe they could talk to children about what is important and what isn't. That leads me to another gripe. Why on earth are parents now buying presents for their childrens teachers? Apparently there is competition in some places over who gives the best present.

Sorry but don't they have a salary, paid holidays, and pensions? Many of the parents don't. I think it's obscene seeing teachers get 10 boxes of chocs etc and expensive smellies or even vouchers. Hardly the best example.

Stick to your guns is my advice. It's hard but worth it.