Tactfuly tell a friend something?

[Milims]

I have a very kind friend who regularly shares her baking with us, the problem is we can't eat it She's a fan of plug in air freshners and highly perfumed washing products. Her tumbler is in the kitchen and on frequently. As a result her baking is contaminated by the "fragrance" and tastes of scenty soap! I've said things like I hate walking down the soap powder aisle in the supermarket as the smell makes me feel sick or I find air freshener scary what with all the toxins they contain etc, but she really hasn't taken the hint. So how would you tell her?

[Berti]

the point is, this doesn't link the baking with the actual problem so the coin clearly does not drop either.
I am afraid that there is only one way.
You could have her taste her own bake and then ask, well don't YOU taste something funny?
When she asks why, then you could just explain......I don't think its offensive.

[Milims]

Lol! She's tasted my baking frequently and commented on how nice it is! We've had long conversations about food, additives, storage etc - and she's a chef! But she just doesn't take the hint - even when I've been quite blunt with her! She does have other issues that despite her seeking help with she simply isn't addressing. A bit of a rhino hide problem!

[spider8]

The only problem with getting your friend to taste her baking is that to her it will taste normal as she's probably used to it........a tricky one though, I don't envy you. A friend of mine was constantly bringing over cakes for hubby and I and it was getting rediculous, too much cake for just the two of us to get through. Then her hubby was told by the doc to cut down on fat and bingo! No more cakes (phew!).

[Berti]

Whew!! Yes I see whats the problem now you have elaborated.............OH DEAR.
How good friends are you????
I myself think good friends could tell each other everything without being offended, but of course you don't want to be RUDE, right?
If you already have been "rather blunt" and she STILL has not seen the light......and you tried everything already........then you can indeed refuse to accept her baking next time.
Then "rudely" tell her the truth........(not suggesting you are rude at all, I know how hard it is, but sometimes....)
"sorry, but we have been having some problems with your baking"
"how so"
then just tell her.

it says something about you and that you are kind of desperate.
but I always think its better to be plain honest with people, without being rude....works usually.
its all in the wording.
you could do a practice run with family members eventually ;)

[Big Al]

With respect millims I'll not offer advice or the way forward on this one...........

[Berti]

well that will soon be real fat chickens then !!!

[Millymollymandy]

The thing is we don't smell our own bad smells but at least you don't have to tell her she has BO or her greasy dirty hair stinks.

So I think that in a subtle way you could tell her the truth as it isn't an affront on her personal hygeine. It's much like my mum doesn't notice that her drinking water reeks and tastes of chlorine whereas I can't bear the stink - even running the tap is horrible there let alone drinking it!

Good luck!

[Zech]

How about explaining that you're a bit odd for not having all the scented things in your house (from her point of view, you probably are) and that it's made your tastebuds hypersensitive so that baking coming from a scented house tastes like soap to you. That way it's not her baking that's at fault, but your peculiar tastebuds. Maybe.

[boboff]

Umm, why bother, just keep calm and carry on.

A friend is a friend after all, even if she brings you Lenor cake which soaked and cinnamon etc added would make decent bread pudding.

Seriously, don't upset her, but don't compliment her, and make excuses in the new year of being on a diet etc.

[Milims]

How about explaining that you're a bit odd for not having all the scented things in your house (from her point of view, you probably are) and that it's made your tastebuds hypersensitive

I've aready mentioned my dislike of scented things - numerous times - and she's even bought me incence that I like! And the fact that since I've cut out highly scented products and food additives my tastebuds have become sensitive - although I haven't told her that I can taste soap from food cooked in a scented house - maybe I could use my mother as an example.

Susie Gee - I do have chickens but I'd rather not have scenty eggs!

[greenorelse]

I might open the tin (that's if they're brought in one) and say, "Wow, thanks, they look wonderful." And then frown and sniff and say, "That's an unusual smell. What did you use? What do you think?"

In other words, try my damnedest to be the innocent one.

"It could be just me! Is it the tin? What did you wash it in?" and try to be sweet and helpful. Have someone else conveniently walk in just at that moment.

Tough one, though. I have a friend with desperate halitosis, I can't bring myself to say anything. It is really bad. It makes me wonder what his wife thinks.

[Helsbells]

I agree with boboff! (his post made me lol!) If making you cakes makes her happy then leave her to it. Or you could make some other excuse for why you can'r eat her cake, like boboff said a diet or a wheat sensitivity a detox, say you are trying to cut down, or you could say you just can;t get through them and they are ending up being thrown away.

[zaxdog]

I'd just keep accepting them and saying thank you. Maybe pass them on to any other (not mutual) friends who also use scented products and won't notice! Why risk upsetting her when she is being so nice and sharing her baking with you?

[KathyLauren]

Hinting is not a good communication strategy. It requires mind reading, something that most people are not good at. There are two ways forward: keep accepting scented cakes and somehow dispose of them safely, or tell her that there is a problem.