Joke

A chance to meet up with friends and have a chat - a general space with the freedom to talk about anything.
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Cassiepod
Living the good life
Living the good life
Posts: 414
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Location: Aberdeenshire

Joke

Post: # 67277Post Cassiepod »

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 To fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate


Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command: C: /I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly. CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Technical Support

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning , launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

Help requested please!!

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Milims
A selfsufficientish Regular
A selfsufficientish Regular
Posts: 4390
Joined: Mon Oct 16, 2006 9:06 pm
Location: North East

Post: # 67278Post Milims »

Why isn't there an emoticon for crying with laughter????
Let us be lovely
And let us be kind
Let us be silly and free
It won't make us famous
It won't make us rich
But damn it how happy we'll be!
Edward Monkton


Member of the Ish Weight Loss Club since 10/1/11 Started at 12st 8 and have lost 8lb so far!

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glenniedragon
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Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2006 1:53 pm
Location: Wellington, South West UK
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Post: # 67280Post glenniedragon »

That really tickled me, I wonder if decorating 3.2 is compatible with goodtaste upgrade2007? my model seems to have some sort of graphics conflict....

kind thoughts
Deb

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Jarmara
Barbara Good
Barbara Good
Posts: 198
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2007 4:11 pm
Location: Cornwall England

Post: # 67323Post Jarmara »

Very good i liked that alot :)
A true friend tells you what you need to hear , not what you want to hear!

lindysman
Jerry - Bit higher than newbie
Jerry - Bit higher than newbie
Posts: 47
Joined: Mon Oct 16, 2006 9:36 pm
Location: Back in the UK, Suffolk

Actual calls to technical support

Post: # 67393Post lindysman »

Blonde, or what??

Computer novices may feel like they're alone these days, but some of the following calls to IBM's help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.

After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see you have an Aptiva" desktop unit. Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: "Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe."

A customer who had just received a laptop computer asked about the power-saving feature known as "hibernate." Would this hibernate device work in the spring and summer, the caller asked.

Another caller explained she had received a gift of software on 5.25-inch diskettes, but she had only a 3.5-inch disk drive on her computer. The technician said she had two options: Get a second disk drive, or use 3.5-inch diskettes. The customer called back later, now complaining that her disk drive was making a terrible noise. And this despite the fact that she was using a 3.5-inch diskette, she said. After a bunch of questions, the technician determined the caller had used a pair of scissors to trim the 5.25-inch diskettes to fit the 3.5-inch drive.

A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer--the one that was supposed to do everything short of bringing on world peace - was doing nothing, cried out for help. No problem, the IBM technician said. First, open a "window" to launch a specific program. The conversation continued, and the caller asked a few moments later if it might be all right to close the window. Why, the IBM technician asked. Because, the caller responded, it was getting very chilly.
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

Wombat
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Location: Sydney Australia
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Post: # 67394Post Wombat »

Unnnn, years age we bought a computer and I pressed the button on the front, nothing happened. Looked everywhere for another button, no good. Rang tech support who asked me if I had turned it on, so I descriibed the process.

He said to pull down the movable panel on the front and hit the "on" button. :oops:

Yep! I was one of those callers!

Nev
Garden shed technology rules! - Muddypause


Our website on living more sustainably in the suburbs! - http://www.underthechokotree.com/

Jack
A selfsufficientish Regular
A selfsufficientish Regular
Posts: 537
Joined: Fri Dec 15, 2006 7:20 am
Location: New Zealand

Post: # 67432Post Jack »

Gidday


We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:
:) means a smile and
:( is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by
:-)
:-(

Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"
Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

You have just been e-mooned!
Cheers
just a Rough Country Boy.

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Hippyhedgewitch
margo - newbie
margo - newbie
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 6:48 pm
Location: Away with the faeries.

Post: # 67442Post Hippyhedgewitch »

Oh fantastic! That's made my morning! :lol:
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

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Milims
A selfsufficientish Regular
A selfsufficientish Regular
Posts: 4390
Joined: Mon Oct 16, 2006 9:06 pm
Location: North East

Post: # 67480Post Milims »

I once had a boss who asked which one was the "any key"!!
Let us be lovely
And let us be kind
Let us be silly and free
It won't make us famous
It won't make us rich
But damn it how happy we'll be!
Edward Monkton


Member of the Ish Weight Loss Club since 10/1/11 Started at 12st 8 and have lost 8lb so far!

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Millymollymandy
A selfsufficientish Regular
A selfsufficientish Regular
Posts: 17637
Joined: Tue May 10, 2005 6:09 am
Location: Brittany, France

Post: # 67494Post Millymollymandy »

Jack - I like that! :lol:

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