Joke of the day

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Andy Hamilton
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Joke of the day

Post: # 48310Post Andy Hamilton »

This was talked about in a previous post, lets see if I can tell a joke from any given subject by the end of the day everyday (except weekends).

One subject only please and I won't cheat and use the net to look up jokes.
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Shirley
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Post: # 48312Post Shirley »

Snow
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Post: # 48315Post Andy Hamilton »

Easy - whats the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

snow balls.
First we sow the seeds, nature grows the seeds then we eat the seeds. Neil Pye
My best selling Homebrew book Booze for Free
and...... Twitter
The Other Andy Hamilton - Drinks & Foraging

Shirley
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Post: # 48322Post Shirley »

LOL the old ones are the best :wink:
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Millymollymandy
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Post: # 48330Post Millymollymandy »

Well I'm not saying chickens cos even I can tell a joke about them! :mrgreen:

Manure (or muck or compost)

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Post: # 48343Post Andy Hamilton »

Millymollymandy wrote:Well I'm not saying chickens cos even I can tell a joke about them! :mrgreen:

Manure (or muck or compost)
I supose officially that is the joke for tomorrow so I have two days to think up one. Manure :shock: that is a tough one.
First we sow the seeds, nature grows the seeds then we eat the seeds. Neil Pye
My best selling Homebrew book Booze for Free
and...... Twitter
The Other Andy Hamilton - Drinks & Foraging

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Milims
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Post: # 48361Post Milims »

Manure - I could perhaps help you out with that one...........

I man was walking along the road pushing a whellbarrow full of maure. He passed a small boy who asked him what it was for.
"Its to put on my rhubarb" he replies
"Yuck!!!" says the boy " my Mum puts custard on ours!!

Ok - now that I've helped you out - how about a joke on the subject of .....................Fish!!!
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It won't make us famous
It won't make us rich
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Post: # 48366Post Andy Hamilton »

Ah ha, I would have eventually got to that one as I have heard it, ah well.

Fish, easy again. What do you call a one eyed fish? A fsh.

Fancy tag team jokes? Anwser with a joke and leave a subject?

Here goes for a subject, Tennis.
First we sow the seeds, nature grows the seeds then we eat the seeds. Neil Pye
My best selling Homebrew book Booze for Free
and...... Twitter
The Other Andy Hamilton - Drinks & Foraging

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Post: # 48394Post Wombat »

a bloke is taking his morning walk and finds a tennis ball so he sticks it in the pocket of his shorts. He meets up with a lady he often sees when walking and she says "what's with the lump?"

He just says "Tennis ball".

She says "oouuuch! I had tennis elbow once!"

Boom Boom!

Wheelbarrow!

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Post: # 48433Post Jack »

Gidday

O.K. tennis balls.

I hope I remember this one right.

A joker had just finished playing tennis and when he went to go home his car wouldn't start so he put his two tennis balls in his pockets and went to take the bus bome. When standing at the bus stop a gorgeous blonde came to wait for the bus too and they started talking.

The the blonde points to his pockets which were bulging because of the balls and she asked;
"What's that?"
the Joker replied tennis balls and the blonde said: " I had tennis elbow once but that must really hurt more."
Cheers
just a Rough Country Boy.

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Milims
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Post: # 48436Post Milims »

One behind as always...... Fish.........
A man runs into a fish mongers with a cod under his arm and asks "do you do fish cakes?"
The fish monger tells him they do and the man says "thank goodness for that - its his birthday!"

Wheelbarrows.......
Policeman sees a man walking down the street with a barrow full of chickens. Stops him and asks what he's doing. The man tells him that he's just bought the chickens for his allotment and produces a receipt. Policeman lets him go. The following day the policeman sees tha same man with a barrow of chicken wire, stops him and the man tells him that he's bought the wire to make a chicken run and shows the receipt. The next day the policeman sees the man again this time with a bag of chicken feed in his barrow, asks for the receipt, views it and lets him go. The day after that the policeman is called into the office by his superior and asked if hes seen anything suspicious, to which he replies that the people he has stopped have all had receipts for their goods. The Inspector then tells him to keep an eye out for someone steeling wheel barrows!!!
Let us be lovely
And let us be kind
Let us be silly and free
It won't make us famous
It won't make us rich
But damn it how happy we'll be!
Edward Monkton


Member of the Ish Weight Loss Club since 10/1/11 Started at 12st 8 and have lost 8lb so far!

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Milims
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Post: # 48438Post Milims »

Ooops - almost forgot...... how about the next joke being about sausages!!!
Let us be lovely
And let us be kind
Let us be silly and free
It won't make us famous
It won't make us rich
But damn it how happy we'll be!
Edward Monkton


Member of the Ish Weight Loss Club since 10/1/11 Started at 12st 8 and have lost 8lb so far!

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Post: # 48493Post lindysman »

Milims wrote:Ooops - almost forgot...... how about the next joke being about sausages!!!
- Now there's a challenge.........
.
.
There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant, preppy son around his factory. Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer. They approached the heart of the factory where the father thought, “Surely, THIS should impress him!â€Â
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

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Post: # 48506Post Andy Hamilton »

Need a new topic lindysman....

How about I set one, books.
First we sow the seeds, nature grows the seeds then we eat the seeds. Neil Pye
My best selling Homebrew book Booze for Free
and...... Twitter
The Other Andy Hamilton - Drinks & Foraging

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Boots
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Post: # 48518Post Boots »

In a Sydne hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.


A nurse noticed his predicament.


Sir, she said " You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the books beside the loo."


He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the books he had promised not to touch.


Each book was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR.


Who would know if he touched them?


He couldn't resist.. He picked up the book marked WW and heard a click....warm water was suddenly sprayed gently upon his bottom.


What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have cool things like this.


Anticipating greater pleasure, he picked up the WA book. Warm air replaced the warm water, and gently dried his butt cheeks.


When this stopped, he reached for the PP book. Another click and a large powder puff smacked his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it was an absolute pleasure!


When the powder puff completed its butt patting, he couldn't wait to pick up the ATR book, figuring it could only lead to supreme ecstasy.


Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.


"What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was picking up the ATR book.


"The ATR book triggers an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."






MEN NEVER LISTEN


So next topic is Hearing Aids
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." - Charles Schultz

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