Tragic...

[Graye]

I just discovered last night that my daughter's younger half sister (complex family relationships...) committed suicide yesterday at her Mom's house in the US. Apart from the obvious shock and deep regret (she was a bubbly and extrovert 25 year old who had just qualified as a vet there and I was very fond of her) I'm struggling to get my head around why. I've been back over her recent emails and I can't see anything which could have warned us - just the usual stuff about job interviews, her car, her cat, her friends etc. How awful to keep such anguish so well hidden from friends and family and feel there is no alternative.

Can anyone come up with any comfort I could offer my daughter (who is herself in the midst of a complex and fragile pregnancy)? She is about to fly all the way from Georgia almost to the Canadian border today to be with the family so I worry for her too.

[trinder]

So so sorrry Graye. The short answer is no, There are none that have helped my sister come to terms with her son's suicide. He himself a father, on his son's birthday (which happened to fall on on father's day) Hung himself form a tree in view of the house.
Knowing that his son would never celebrate his birthday in the same way again has made my sister unable to move on to grieving for her son, properly. Thinking that he died with his last thoughts about hurting others has been the hardest.
Not understanding the pain that someone is in to do such a thing is the biggest guilt- feeling that we have been so indifferent and not noticed how bad they were feeling is the hardest to come to terms with.

[Green Aura]

Terrible and as you say tragic news Graye.

I can't really offer much in the way of comfort other than to let everyone know that there is nothing anyone could have done.

When someone has decided to end their life it seems to be such a relief (that's the only word I can think of) that they can carry on as "normal" until they can carry out the plan. Assuming it is that and not some horrendous accident with drug experimentation or the like then it's unlikely that even her closest family or friends would have been able to tell it was on the cards.

[boboff]

That is so very sad Graye.

As trinder says, I think you have to acknowledge that with the grief there is a level of anger that someone could do this, and regret that they did not seek help.

Send her a tenner and tell her to buy an album for her I-Pod which reminds her of the good times she's had with her Sister, Music and a good cry helps, as does your Mum sending you a tenner........ No matter how old you are!

[The Riff-Raff Element]

Graye - a horrible thing to happen. I've had first hand experience as my brother killed himself in 2009. What I would say to your daughter is what someone said to me then: never forget that suicide is a choice. Ultimately, how ever much we love someone and how desperately we might want them to live and be happy, their life is in their hands. It is easy to rage against them for not confiding their problems or dispair, just as it is easy to burden oneself with guilt that their situation was not noticed, but sometimes people simply decide that they would rather not continue with life.

Thoughts with you.

[becks77]

Thinking of you and your family at this very sad time
Becks x

[Lasagna Raso]

Rest In Peace young lady

[Graye]

Thanks for all the input.

And I think the general consensus is right, we really have no idea what is in the mind of an intelligent, caring person when they feel they have no other options. I just noticed her very last Facebook post on Monday which is "doing what I have to do" and it becomes more obvious that she had this planned and probably no one could have persuaded her otherwise.

I've got to the angry stage now, seeing all the grief and pain this is causing. Hopefully that goes away as I so want to remember her as the sweet kid who was always surrounded by animals. It all puts into perspective my general annoyance that we have a badly blocked drain under the lane outside I suppose, all my problems are little ones compared to what these people are now dealing with...

[seasidegirl]

So sorry to hear this tragic story.

Might it be worth recommending your daughter seek some bereavement counselling? If there is some locally it might help, especially in her condition. Hope there is some available, or affordable locally.

[Graye]

Thanks for that idea Seasidegirl, and you're so right. It's ironic that my daughter is a psychologist with a Masters in counselling so she certainly has plenty of colleagues she can speak to and, hopefully, will know enough to realise she will probably need it too. I haven't managed to speak to her today (they have the visiting hours at the funeral home today and family arriving from all over). I suppose she will be kept busy and occupied for a while so it will be a little later when it will all hit her.

I think I will try to make a point of "touching bases" with friends more often in future. It seems you never know when someone might just need a kind word or a small show of support.

[Shirley]

Such very sad news - so sorry x

that is good advice from riffraff