How to discipline daughter?

[sfombom]

I've had full custody over my daughter since she was 12 years old. Her mother doesn't have any contact with her and it's been pretty much just me. She is now 16 years old and I have no idea how to punish her.
She used to be very good until recently, when she's just been acting very difficult.
When I grounded her, she said she liked being at home so it didn't matter. When I took away TV privileges or her cellphone, she said she doesn't care, she never used to have a TV or cellphone before. And it seems like she really doesn't care whenever I do any of that. I don't really know what exactly to do with her, especially when she talks back to me.

What works and what doesn't? What ways should I punish her?

[Helsbells]

As a secondary school teacher I can say she shoundsw like a normal teenager, so it is probably just a phase. She might be acting like she doesn't care when you make her stay in or take away her phone, but I bet she does really, she is just saying that she doesn'yt care to annoy you further. Stick to your guns.

[oldfella]

20 yrs ago I was in the exact same position as you, and to be honest I think that although all young folk go through the same problems, each will have to find their own way, with your support, and love.
My way of dealing with my daughter, was to share my life with her, not as a Dad but as a friend and help-mate, and provide a shoulder to cry on; I made no rules but talked through with her, how she thought she should behave, and what rules we should both abide bye.
Before this discussion took place we agreed that the format would based on what was the best way for both of us to live, our lives in harmony and honesty; no lies, , no cheating, and above all, full discussion before either of us, made any decision.
My daughter is now a happily married woman, who with two of her own children, who, when ever we meet,(which is every day, as she lives next door) say's the magic words" I Love you Dad".
This worked for us , but my friend, no two people are the same, so I will not try to advise you, but only tell you how we found our way.

Good Luck, and remember if you need a shoulder to cry on this Forum is the place to do it;


Old fella

[Green Aura]

Sorry folks, I'm afraid this is spam.

[Zech]

I thought it was a very peculiar message for a first post to a forum, but can't figure out what the point is. Why would a spammer want to post something like that?

[Green Aura]

I don't know, but sometimes they seem to just cut and paste stuff from elsewhere.

One of the ways we check is by googling their name or email address - this chappy joined pages full of forums in the last few days. He's either absolutely desperate for advice or spam.

[gregorach]

Often what they're doing is using the "Website" link on their profile to boost the search ranking for whatever site they're spamming for, so the actual content of their post is irrelevant - all that matters is that they get another link up somewhere.

[sarahkeast]

Maybe so, but I am still awaiting any other solutions/ideas to dealing with teens ! My 15 yo girl is quite something and her younger brother is catching up fast. Not helped by being divorced [well that bet is great] from Disney Dad....

[Ellendra]

Some teens learn a lot from "forced volunteering", having them help out at a retirement home, or a food pantry. When I was 15 I worked at a charity clinic in Guatemala for 2 weeks. It changed my perspective on a lot of things.

[chickenchargrill]

Sarah - I feel for you but I have all that to come ;-)

I can only talk from my experience as a teen and my behavioural job, but giving responsibility, some adulthood, goes a long way. Like Ellendra suggested, I did some volunteer work as a teen on a rescue farm. That was awesome, because it was something I enjoyed and it gave me some freedom and responsibility whilst my parents had the safety of knowing where I was. Teens need some control of their lives. My girls, my eldest in particular, are in that tween stage. I always allow them to choose where they are, breaks my heart sometimes, but if either misses her dad I make sure she can see dad as soon as possible. Not always possible if exes aren't on good terms though.

I think, and the emphasis is on think as I've yet to go through it from the parent's perspective, that it's important for teens to feel like they're being treated like adults whilst having the safety net and hugs from parents. So it's finding something the teen wants to do to take control of their life that the parent is happy with and the teen knowing that the parent is there for them no matter what mistakes they make. Easier said than done, but I'm sure if there are incidents in particular, there would be plenty of people here to offer supportive and useful advice, more useful than mine anyway x