Breast feeding, socially unacceptable or not?

[Urban Ayisha]

with regards to burkhas and BFing, from what ive gathered it forces women who dont want to be housebound for the duration of BFing period to bottle feed, as bfing in public would def be considered socially unacceptable. i think this is quite sad actually, as they could blatantly hide a baby under there!

[Bonniegirl]

i think durgan meant as in its obvious what the answer is.

Ah ok, I did wonder, I was just being a bit slow I reckon! lol

[Durgan]

i think durgan meant as in its obvious what the answer is.

its sometimes hard to be discreet what with getting a latch and balancing the weight without crippling your back and/or arm, the first few days after baby was born i took a massive cushion around with me everywhere to put under my arm! i would be as discreet as possible only because i know i'd feel a little uncomfortable if i was faced with a boob and didnt know where to look. it has nothing to do with being prudish, i dont think i'd call myself prudish, i do just think BFing is quite a special and private thing shared between mama and baby, it doesnt need to be broadcast!

i sometimes get the feeling that some women like to flaunt it and can be exhibitionists about the whole thing, and i think thats unfair on the general public. Why purposely make other people feel uncomfortable just for the sake of making a point?! i think this cheapens what i consider to be quite a sacred and personal bonding between mother and child!

i really miss BFing because of how close it made me feel to baby but to be honest i dont miss the whole palava of wearing minging maternity bras and having to slip your boob uncomfortably and at different angles out of layers of clothes when out in public!

Nicely stated. No being a female but having plenty of experience with breasts, I consider your opinion has addressed the crux of the matter. Thank You. Next.

[Helsbells]

Why purposely make other people feel uncomfortable just for the sake of making a point?!

Beacuse if people are not forced to feel uncomfortable then they will never think to question why they feel uncomfortable, and that maybe their feeling uncomfortable at the sight of a woman feeling her child is wrong?

[red]

Why purposely make other people feel uncomfortable just for the sake of making a point?!

Beausse if people are not forced to feel uncomfortable then they will never think to question why they feel uncomfortable, and that maybe their feeling uncomfortable at the sight of a woman feeling her child is wrong?

exactly. it should be just as normal to see a woman BFing as seeing a woman gving a bottle to a baby - the very fact people think there is something dirty or sexual about breastfeeding is wrong, and it is time this was turned around.
People can still dislike it if they want, but the pressure so be on them to leave/turn away/ hide in the bathroom not the mother.
i dont think breastfeeding in public should be done to make a point, it should be done to feed the baby. The fact that the public have lost sight of that.. it is feeding a baby is truly sad.

[homegrown]

I think that something as natural as BF should be done where ever the mother is comfortable doing it, and couldn't think of anything more disrespectful than for someone to complain about it, unfortunately due to medical reasons my wife could only ever breastfeed at home so it did make it difficult sometimes.

Years ago I use to manage restaurants and I once had a customer in a boutique restaurant who complained to me that it was disgusting that I was allowing this woman to breast feed in the restaurant. The woman was quite obviously embarrassed and hurt by the mans comments, so i threw him out and gave the lady and her husband there meals for free.

I've never felt as much pleasure as i did in throwing someone out as I did then

Homegrown

[Brij]

it should be just as normal to see a woman BFing as seeing a woman gving a bottle to a baby - the very fact people think there is something dirty or sexual about breastfeeding is wrong, and it is time this was turned around.

I agree with your point, and I think that being exposed to women breastfeeding is a good thing, as well as they have the right to breastfeed where and when they are comfortable doing that. But at the same time, I would feel uncomfortable with a woman happily exposing her breast - be it to breastfeed or otherwise, not because I think it is dirty or sexual, but because I think that a woman's breast is a part of the body that is private, and should not just be shown to anyone. That's not to say I'm under the impression that it is easy to breastfeed discreetly and in desperate times, desperate measures, I wouldn't hold it against a woman to BF in public even if she couldn't find a way to be discreet! Surely it is better for women to breastfeed discreetly in public to show how non-controversial it really is?

[red]

[That's not to say I'm under the impression that it is easy to breastfeed discreetly and in desperate times, desperate measures, I wouldn't hold it against a woman to BF in public even if she couldn't find a way to be discreet! Surely it is better for women to breastfeed discreetly in public to show how non-controversial it really is?

back in 'my time' (*teen years ago ) things were just getting better for BF mums - mothercare and boots had a baby room, with seats you could sit on etc. before that.. mothers were honestly expected to stay at home all the years there were BF or feed their babies in the public toilets. gross.

I agree with you to a point, as when i was BF times were a changing. I remember sitting on cathedral green in Exeter on a hot sunny day. There was a woman wearing a bikini top sitting on the wall by the road. then it was time to feed the baby.. we watched with interest. and what she did was go topless and feed.. Suffice to say lots of men made a detour to walk past a second time. I thought she was unnecessarily flaunting it. She was OTT.
However, i BF there too, and in cafes, parks, etc etc. I was discreet, a towel thrown casually over my shoulder when getting started. T shirt lifted just enough on one side, there was less breast on show than on the average night club goer. I never had any complaints, and if anyone had, i would have ripped their heads off!

Far far more unpleasant and something to complain about is badly behaved kids, or someone changing a nappy in a good area or smoking.

in the UK it is not conventional to go topless in towns etc, so you shouldn't do it for any reason, but breast feeding is not like that. it is very discreet, Seeing a woman with a baby at her breast is not, under normal circumstances, being forced to see her breast, it looks little different to a cuddle, only with the shirt pulled up a bit.

just feeding the baby.

[lovelygreenleaves]

Why purposely make other people feel uncomfortable just for the sake of making a point?!

Beacuse if people are not forced to feel uncomfortable then they will never think to question why they feel uncomfortable, and that maybe their feeling uncomfortable at the sight of a woman feeling her child is wrong?

It'd be nice if the world worked this way, but I fear that this wouldn't help matters. Not everyone analyses their thoughts like this, and not everyone is nice. I think that the only way to make breastfeeding more acceptable is to make an effort not to show your breast (as long as your baby is happy - your baby is the most important!!). If people could learn that seeing a woman breastfeeding doesn't mean that you're going to get a face full of breast, then that might be the start of it being more accepted.

[Brij]

[That's not to say I'm under the impression that it is easy to breastfeed discreetly and in desperate times, desperate measures, I wouldn't hold it against a woman to BF in public even if she couldn't find a way to be discreet! Surely it is better for women to breastfeed discreetly in public to show how non-controversial it really is?

back in 'my time' (*teen years ago ) things were just getting better for BF mums - mothercare and boots had a baby room, with seats you could sit on etc. before that.. mothers were honestly expected to stay at home all the years there were BF or feed their babies in the public toilets. gross.

I agree with you to a point, as when i was BF times were a changing. I remember sitting on cathedral green in Exeter on a hot sunny day. There was a woman wearing a bikini top sitting on the wall by the road. then it was time to feed the baby.. we watched with interest. and what she did was go topless and feed.. Suffice to say lots of men made a detour to walk past a second time. I thought she was unnecessarily flaunting it. She was OTT.
However, i BF there too, and in cafes, parks, etc etc. I was discreet, a towel thrown casually over my shoulder when getting started. T shirt lifted just enough on one side, there was less breast on show than on the average night club goer. I never had any complaints, and if anyone had, i would have ripped their heads off!

Far far more unpleasant and something to complain about is badly behaved kids, or someone changing a nappy in a good area or smoking.

in the UK it is not conventional to go topless in towns etc, so you shouldn't do it for any reason, but breast feeding is not like that. it is very discreet, Seeing a woman with a baby at her breast is not, under normal circumstances, being forced to see her breast, it looks little different to a cuddle, only with the shirt pulled up a bit.

just feeding the baby.

Totally agree! It's the 'topless' BFing that I think is unnecessary... And I don't think that forcing that approach upon society is going to help either. I was more trying to make the point that just because I think there is a limit, does not mean that I think breastfeeding or breasts are 'dirty' or 'sexual'... I forget who implied that one.

And Helsbels said that BFing women shouldn't have to cover up. Well, I don't think that I should have to be made to feel uncomfortable, either. I'm not saying I'd advocate a law against it, I understand that for some women it is more difficult, and I would not make a fuss in public either, but I would also avoid a restaurant if I saw a woman go topless to feed in it, too!

IMHO everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I would rather live and let live, but I would resent being made to feel uncomfortable, too.

[Urban Ayisha]

Why purposely make other people feel uncomfortable just for the sake of making a point?!

Beacuse if people are not forced to feel uncomfortable then they will never think to question why they feel uncomfortable, and that maybe their feeling uncomfortable at the sight of a woman feeling her child is wrong?

.... i DID breastfeed and in public so i obviously dont have an aversion to breastfeeding, i feel uncomfortable cos i dont want to see other peoples boobs. i dont think forcing people to feel uncomfortable will address their issues! i'm sure its not the sight of a woman feeding her child that they find 'wrong', its when people are really being exhibitionists, thats the point i was making. personally, i know i wouldnt show that much of my boobs unless i was on a beach, so why should i use feeding my child as an excuse to do it anywhere else?! its the incidental boob that makes me feel uncomfortable, not BFing!

[Helsbells]

I am not suggesting women strip off entierly or go topless to feed their child in public, that would be rediculous.
What I object to is the feeling of needing to cover with a towel or blanket or hiding behind a cushion. Women shouldnt have to do this.

[lovelygreenleaves]

I am not suggesting women strip off entierly or go topless to feed their child in public, that would be rediculous.
What I object to is the feeling of needing to cover with a towel or blanket or hiding behind a cushion. Women shouldnt have to do this.

I see what you mean, and agree that women shouldn't feel embarrassed or shameful about breastfeeding, and breasts when breastfeeding are not dirty or sexual, but it's just common decency really not to show them in public, whatever you're doing! Even a small attempt to cover them makes a difference.

[Brij]

I am not suggesting women strip off entierly or go topless to feed their child in public, that would be rediculous.
What I object to is the feeling of needing to cover with a towel or blanket or hiding behind a cushion. Women shouldnt have to do this.

I see what you mean, and agree that women shouldn't feel embarrassed or shameful about breastfeeding, and breasts when breastfeeding are not dirty or sexual, but it's just common decency really not to show them in public, whatever you're doing! Even a small attempt to cover them makes a difference.

I am with lovelygreenleaves on this one. I wouldn't want to cause any BFing mother discomfort, that's why I appreciate any effort made without making a fuss if it's impossible. I'm just going to agree to disagree.

[Splottlings]

I've found that more often than not if a woman does it discreetly or in a natural manner people don't even realise. Having been sat in a group of friends when one or more has started to breast feed they've done it so casually that you pay as much attention as if someone was taking off their coat or normally rearranging their clothes.

I can understand why some women might feel uncomfortable to do it in public in which case there should be somewher they can go where they feel more comfortable it should however be on their terms. If they're happy to do it in public without being over the top or for the sake or shocking then that should be fine as should their choice to quietly remove themselves and do it in private. To those who find it unacceptable to see..don't look. It's a natural process and one of the best and most beautiful ways of bonding and feeding for a young baby, why should mother and baby be made to feel unwelcome due to closeminded opinions?

So go on all those breast feeding mothers, do whatever you feel happy with and enjoy the time with your baby.