needing to vent...

[boboff]

What a sorry lot we are, I thought I had it bad.

My solution is a mix I suppose, I had the horrible anger ever time I spoke with my Mother, for days after being in a bad mood.

Then last year I spoke to her about coming to a surprice Birthday Party for my Sister, and she said that basically we wern't invited as the party was for "her side" of the family, and I could see my Sister at our Dad's house that weekend. Well, once said, it can't be taken back and it highlighted the main issue with our "relationship" she saw myself and my brother, who is Autistic and Bi Polar and Schitz, as being taken by my Dad in the divorce settlement. When I countered that this was unfair, she started having a go at me for not visting her enough or looking after my Grandmother who was recently ill.

I wrote her a letter I never sent, but what it clearly showed me was that the problem was two fold, I have major issues with her from being Young, and to all intence and purposes she both physically and mentally abused me, and that she saw our relationship as one where she took, and gave nothing.

So I blanked her complpetely for about 12 months, saying I wanted nothing to do with her, but she was more than welcome to phone or visit the grandchildren. I resolved that to have the "up and downer" with her was never going to happen as she would adamantly refute it and at the same time blame my Father, but it would upset her and her relationship with her husband, and I just can't see that as being fair on them, just for me to get some sence of closure from her admitting it and saying sorry.

This has wroked for me in the main as I don't carry that anger with me now, and actually find myself allowing her a little back into our lives.

So in short I would say, don't move away physically, just emotionally, be clear with what it is you feel, allow communication with your child, but on your terms (what Roseundula's GP's did is wicked in my opinion) and see how you feel in twelve months, when you stop feeling guilty for not being the one to "give give give"

[crowsashes]

so after making the decision to cut them off . lo will be seeing his nanny still but only for the school run (she does it to save hassle ) but other than that im not going to bother as lo really likes his nanny and tbh right now the last thing i should do is take her away but i can control everything else including weather or not i want the aunts and uncles involved and right now thats a complete NO NO so here i go and try and get this to work smoothly.... but i feel oh so much better knowing i dont have to do all those ridiculous family gatherings that are so false and just ... argh !

[MuddyWitch]

Can't add anything useful, but

MW

[ajs88]

I'm so sorry to hear this, it is so upsetting when family neglect or abuse others and infurating when everyone else seems to just make excuses for them and help cover it up and your the only one thinking why the hell is this exceptable?

I've had enough of one member of my family and decided not to see him anymore, I'll send Christmas cards every year but something will always come up when they want to visit or meet up, this decision has been treated with respect and understanding by everyone else which has been a pleasent surprise

I don't have any advice for you except to remember that your life is for you