Moral support for crap gardeners

[Susie]

i.e. me.

Hello, my name is Susie, and I have absolutely no gardening talent. Plants quiver when they see me coming (unless they are ground elder in which case they get the bunting out and have a party). I have bindweed. I could kill mint. I am rubbish. I feel constantly guilty about how bad I am at it because I have a reasonable-sized garden (for Cambridge) and it could look lovely if I made an effort (and wasn't rubbish).

So I have decided that this is the year I will tackle it. I thought perhaps I could update this thread with my progress/ goals occasionally and someone might pop in once in a while with encouragement so I don't just sell the bloody thing to a property developer to build a very tiny T***o on (I'm joking! ). I daren't hope that anyone on ish is as crap as I am but if you are, please post. We can encourage each other.

So, this month I am engaging with my hard landscaping (!). I am googling sheds in a slightly despairing fashion, and I am thinking of ways to get all our dropping-down fencing replaced that don't involve having either skill or money. Also I am reading books on herbs because I thought it would be nice to have part of the garden as a herb garden.

Does anyone else want to confess to being rubbish? Come on!

[niknik]

plants didnt just quiver when they saw me coming...... they keeled overand died.......practically instantly!, so gardening was definitely NOT my forte.....

I started last year, just veg and herbs. Loads of failures, but overall a success. but plenty of room for improvement!

Being veg, that I desperately needed to help feed us. well it improved my attention.
I remembered to weed, water and feed...........

Long way to go, and still lots to learn...... but if i can manage it.anyone can!

[Green Aura]

And learn to love that ground elder! It's a really tasty spring green - you can use it like spinach.

You'll find life much easier and less fraught if you work with nature rather than battle it.

And just take it a little at a time - our garden has been a mess, with fairly disastrous veg growing, while we got to know it and decide what we wanted from it. And yes we have a big patch of ground elder!

[Zech]

That's excellent news about ground elder - I'm not sure if I have any in my new garden, but I had plenty in my old one, and I have a feeling it might have followed me...

Last year I discovered how tasty dandelion flowers are and reclassified them as a vegetable. I'm now carefully taking any dandelions I dig up in the veg beds and relocating them to a bit of rocky hillside.

I'm not sure whether I'm a good gardener or a rubbish one. When I had a garden with good soil, everything grew well - veg, flowers and weeds alike. When I had a garden on clay (really - the lawn grew straight out of solid clay. I should have made pots out of it), nothing grew very enthusiastically at all (apart from the ground elder). Now I have a garden with good soil again, so I'm optimistic, though I know it's full of rose bay willowherb. Does anyone know a use for that?

[oldjerry]

OK, it's late for me, but have you thought about building deep beds? Loads of hard landscaping stress,but fill them up with spent mushroom compost or your own home made compost,or whatever,and it don't matter a bit what's in your soil.

[Berti]

oh deep beds are DA BOMB, when you are not sure your soil is good enough.
sometimes it REALLY isn't you, but just your soil.
if you take all the needed steps, landscape, make sure you got good soil, maybe try to grow some seeds in da house first to sprout so you can check sprouting is OK, and then just follow the calendar.

I am an advocate of square foot gardening style (small raised beds and pots )because thats where its easy to try things out and its easy to handle too.
not a good gardener myself but when I still had my (FIRST TIME It was!) allotment, plants FLEW out of the ground and all the oldies wondering what for heavens sake I had done to them, teehee.

nuttin than just made raised beds and mixed in cocopeat compost to improve the soil which was already good, the rest happened by itself when I was away LOL (and don't forget to water....)
next months going to try make a square foot garden in my terrace (no backyard to speak of)!

[Susie]

Hooray, thank you everybody for cheering words because this is making me think that perhaps it is, drum roll, MY SOIL AND NOT ME!

I wonder if raised beds might be the way forward at least temporarily. I have a bit of ground that the last occupant dug as a veg patch and then left, and so did I apart from digging it over once a year, so now it essentially has triffids growing in it. Would it be a moral failing to cover it in some kind of weed-repellent thing for a year and perhaps put a raised bed on top of it? Is that cheating?

[boboff]

There is no cheating, the point is to grow stuff, as easilly as possible.
Save Unprinted Card board, lay that down, weigh down with stones, cover in compost and have a go?

[Green Aura]

I know it's full of rose bay willowherb. Does anyone know a use for that?

According to www.celtnet.org.uk-

All parts of the plant (except the seeds) are edible and the leaves and young shoot tips can be eaten raw in salads or cooked as a vegetable. The young shoots make an excellent asparagus substitute if peeled and gently boiled. The flower stalks can also be cooked and used as a vegetable. They are also useful in salads if added when the flowers are still in bud. The dried leaves can be made into a tea (this is called kaporie tea in Russia) and they are sometimes used as an adulterant in China tea. Be careful if using older leaves as some reports indicate that they might act as a soporific (ie they stupefy a person).

They even have a list of recipes using it.

[Zech]

Excellent asparagus substitute, eh? The dreaded willowherb may yet have a place in my garden

Susie, you may find getting rid of the triffids the 'hard' way isn't actually all that hard. Our new garden had been well cultivated then neglected for a few years, and when I finally girded my loins to tackle the triffids I found it surprisingly easy to dig them out. If the ground was in very good condition before it got left, it may be nice and crumbly and easy to dig. When it's not too frozen or soggy out there (and, remembering you're in Cambridge, I have to add 'not too dry'. Looking out at the Welsh drizzle, I'm struggling to remember what dry soil was like), have a go at a corner and see what you've got. You may be lucky! If you have got nice, easy soil, you can have the satisfaction of defeating the triffids without waiting for a light excluding method to see them off.

[dave45]

Try a blackcurrant bush or two... easy to propagate (prune a twig and poke it in the ground) , fairly indestructible, and loads of fruit. I have found that they are fairly tolerant of weeds - but just a dump a load of compost or shredded paper around the base every year to keep the weeds at bay. Get an X-style folding stool for picking berries. You need about a metre diameter circle-space for each bush, plus room to move between them.

[dave45]

Another idea I came across a few years ago (in a library book - remember libraries?) is someone's "cone" system. Allegedly worked on ANY ground. It worked by bashing a metal pole into the ground to about a foot depth; then working it in circles until you opened up a cone-shaped hole. Fill this with compost and your plant/seed. Bingo. eventually the multiple cones of compost would rejuvenate the ground... anyone tried this? Sounds a neat trick if your soil is really rubbish.

[Big Al]

i.e. me.

Hello, my name is Susie, and I have absolutely no gardening talent. Plants quiver when they see me coming (unless they are ground elder in which case they get the bunting out and have a party). I have bindweed. I could kill mint. I am rubbish. I feel constantly guilty about how bad I am at it because I have a reasonable-sized garden (for Cambridge) and it could look lovely if I made an effort (and wasn't rubbish).

So I have decided that this is the year I will tackle it. I thought perhaps I could update this thread with my progress/ goals occasionally and someone might pop in once in a while with encouragement so I don't just sell the bloody thing to a property developer to build a very tiny T***o on (I'm joking! ). I daren't hope that anyone on ish is as crap as I am but if you are, please post. We can encourage each other.

So, this month I am engaging with my hard landscaping (!). I am googling sheds in a slightly despairing fashion, and I am thinking of ways to get all our dropping-down fencing replaced that don't involve having either skill or money. Also I am reading books on herbs because I thought it would be nice to have part of the garden as a herb garden.

Does anyone else want to confess to being rubbish? Come on!

Give up susie and sell to Tes&^ !!!

[Susie]

Give up susie and sell to Tes&^ !!!

Excellent idea! Ringing them now!

[yvette]

Don't you dare!
I am a beginner gardener - I have been growing bits and pieces for a few years, last year was the first year that I grew a fair bit. I would really recommend the suggested approach of starting with a corner or section for this year - if you try to do the whole garden in one go you will be exhausted! I use a combination of small raised beds, containers and hanging baskets - will be adding a new raised bed this year.
People on ish have been fantastic about giving specific advice, reassurance and support - I have learned so much, there is such a wealth of knowledge and experience. Good luck, and I'm looking forward to reading your updates.