Managing other peoples expectations ?

[JessieMac]

How about ............It's so nice of you to be so interested and the dates you can help out are???? That should get you some peace and quiet.
We are doing something the same as you on a smaller scale and it is amazing how many people feel free to pass comment on our way of life who no nothing about it.
Please enjoy your journey as it is just that "Your Journey"

[Zech]

Oh, what a shame! I hate it when I come up against other people's expectations of how my life should be (though at the moment, most of my friends are going too far the other way and insisting we keep chickens, goats and even, from one friend, pygmy pigs. She sounded quite shocked when I said I didn't think we'd get much bacon from one of those!)

How about fending off enquiries with something like, "It's not about the end point, it's all about the process." They'll find this immensely frustrating, but might eventually get the message that you're not aiming to show off finished bits any time soon.

[fran]

How about: "we have 6596 photos logging every detail of the renovations, remind me to show you the next time you come round" that should shut them up!!! Failing that, start a blog and just point people in that direction. We are in the same boat (excuse the pun) with the barge, everyone else seems to think it should be done by now as they don't actually see all the work that is going into it.

[crowsashes]

i know how you feel have been here nearly 3 years .

already its expected i have the house looking like a show home.

between the tiny income i have ( having to freecycle paint etc) juggling childcare a fulltime course as well as all the other day to day things single - handed i just dont have the time or energy most days!

they still dont believe me it took 3 weeks to decorate my bedroom! still they wernt the ones stripping 4 + layers of wallpaper and about as much gloss paint on the wood work!

the last time people complained / moaned for me to get it done . i politely told them to hand over the £2k it would cost to a) get the help in b) get the materials needed and c) to replace a kitchen and bathroom suite and also to take out a brick wall to give me more kitchen space..... they havn't said a word since

[Millymollymandy]

Ooooh dear I must stop asking you how it's coming along......

But surely the renovation itself is part of the whole adventure/new life, in fact you may end up twiddling your thumbs when it is finished wondering what on earth to do with yourselves.

And Crowsashes it took me about 6 MONTHS to do our bedroom!!! I didn't do it day in day out but I had to spend hours sanding and filling a dreadful plaster job which is curved in the eaves/roof space, and all that after stripping wallpaper from the ceiling as well as walls and carpeted skirting, both with horrendous glue to get off too.

Sorry Susie can't think of any bright one liners other than rude ones.

[MuddyWitch]

I can't add anything usefull, but I do understand your dilemma. Those not of a DIY bent see telly 'makeovers' happen in silly time (with crews of thousands, often unseen) & wonder why painting a door takes four hours! Try videoing that & make them sit through it!

MW

[Milims]

How about "Butt out and mind your own business! I'm enjoying my life why not sod off and try to find some enjoyment in yours!" Or is that justa bit too evil? It annoys me that people seem to think that you have to have the perfect "beige" life in order to by happy! I'd rather shoot myself than be that boring! So long as you find peace and happiness in what you are doing and you aren't causing anyone else any harm, why should anyone else find fault!

[MKG]

I have the perfect one liner for you, Susie. If you really want, I'll PM it to you. But there's really no need, because you already know what it is. And you don't actually need to say it. The trick is to think it while you're actually saying "Well, we've had problems that most people wouldn't even begin to understand ...". And smile sweetly.

Makes you feel a whole lot better.

Mike

[Flo]

You need to remind the said parents that their boy grew up, left home and got married some long time ago and doesn't have to live by their house rules anymore. How you say that to them is up to you but that's the root of the matter isn't it with the parents? They are still trying to run his life.

[oldjerry]

I cant think of any one liners,only two worders,and that you havent already employed them does you credit! I agree,it's probably the malign influence of all the faked up makeover programmes.If you and your man had decided to cycle/sail/walk etc round the world,they wouldn't be constantly hassling you about how long it was taking(if you see what I mean)Trouble is TV is costantly showing how easy it is to convert a pile of stones on Rockall into the self-sustaining house of your dreams in the half hour between Countdown,and the box opening thing with the sort ex-DJ.(I'm just finishing the tiling in the downstairs shower,begun 6yrs ago,I've got to,We're moving!).

[Millymollymandy]

and when are you landscaping the garden

Oh is that planned too? So when are you?

I thought your garden WAS already done - looks lovely to me! But maybe you don't have a deck with a spa in it yet.

[Millymollymandy]

Ha ha ha reminds me of the lady in our hamlet who sticks out like a sore thumb, comes to our hamlet dos in her little black dresses, high heels and bling. We were all invited over to have a look around her 'beautiful garden' - well first of all everyone else has lovely gardens ranging from wild cottage gardens to fairly plain with veg patch and fruit trees and wild/overgrown bits - but all in all totally in keeping with the old houses/countryside round here - whereas Mrs Bling has this perfect manicured lawn, a few perfect manicured flower beds with perfect plants all perfectly evenly spaced out, all with perfect manicured bark chippings and not a weed in sight - and this ruddy great monstrosity of a deck with perfect expensive teak sun loungers and the most enormous gas barbecue you could imagine. Coupled with her hideous (oops I mean perfect ) wooden 'architects' house that does not go with the stone houses round here.

Had to lie through my teeth about how lovely it all was cos I thought it was HORRIBLE!

[Alice Abbott]

Mack and I have only ever been invited to one of those type of “social events” in the village. It was actually really good fun, a "pot luck" barbecue with lots of wine, local cheese, a mix of nationalities etc. The only problem was a couple who have recently moved into a lovely old house in a neighbouring village. They had been some sort of mid ranking civil servants dealing with passports or something similar in various “outposts”, Nigeria, India and so on. The guy was not so bad but the wife was so amazing that most of us just sat open-mouthed at her performance. She minced about in shorts and a tight little top explaining she was YEARS younger than her husband. “Oh?” said Mack, as innocently Irish as only he can be, "I hadn’t really noticed that…” That immediately had us struck from their events calendar forever, thank goodness.

But that didn’t stop them, not for a minute. We all then had to hear about how much a roll their wallpaper had cost (I know we are the hillbillies of the village but none of them are silly enough to pay that much – even for enough rolls to paper a whole room). Also, theirs is a gorgeous old farmhouse with lovely bare stone walls inside and they had them plastered over so they could apply this wallpaper. Why? Then she moved onto how much it cost to have their furniture shipped back from Bombay (although I’m sure their employer will have paid) how much their new Land Rover had cost, what they planned on spending on their garden (not what they planned on doing with it, just how much it would cost) how much their new furniture had cost (I think just about everyone in the village either has old furniture out of necessity or seeks it out anyway because it matches the style of old houses here) so they were not impressed one little bit.

From there we went on to a blow by blow of every foreign country they had worked in, complete with mysterious references to official paperwork (of course he arrived with a CBD33 and everyone knows it ought to have been a BBD313, Ha! Ha!”) and all the time the husband was gazing adoringly at this creature shrieking her stories with a voice which would have worked well as a foghorn. I think by midnight everyone was mesmerised and horrified in about equal amounts.

At the end of the evening our immediate neighbours walked home with us. I didn’t immediately understand what he meant when he referred to the “When I”s but that’s what they’ve become to the whole village ever since. I don't think any of us who were ther that evening have been invited to events at their house since. And I don’t think they get invited out that often now, not in this direction anyway!

As for people putting you under pressure to get things done, just tell them part of the enjoyment of the project is taking your time and doing it how you want so you are in no hurry at all.

I just had to edit this to add something: ... and I forgot to mention that all this ear-bashing was conducted in English whereas at these village events we all manage to converse in French of various levels because there are a few people in the village who can only speak French. It IS there country after all!

[The Riff-Raff Element]

The only problem was a couple who have recently moved into a lovely old house in a neighbouring village. They had been some sort of mid ranking civil servants dealing with passports or something similar in various “outposts”, Nigeria, India and so on. The guy was not so bad but the wife was so amazing that most of us just sat open-mouthed at her performance. She minced about in shorts and a tight little top explaining she was YEARS younger than her husband. “Oh?” said Mack, as innocently Irish as only he can be, "I hadn’t really noticed that…” That immediately had us struck from their events calendar forever, thank goodness.

They're worryingly thick on the ground in La France Profonde, Alice. But - usually - they don't last more than one or two winters.

[Millymollymandy]

Mrs Bling is French! She's 'only' a baker's wife as well. The other English family in our hamlet are just as scruffy as we are as he's a builder and she's horsey and grows veg too and lives in horse snot covered jods. But what's awful about the bakers/blings is that the other French in the hamlet are full of admiration of their 'beautiful' house and garden, but I guess they live how they have always lived yet we incoming English chose to live this kind of life. Perhaps if we'd been like the Blings we might not have been so well accepted?

I'm so glad I haven't met any civil servant expat types of the English variety.