ARRRGH Children please please give me advice!

[Jessiebean]

I woke from a lovely dream about harvesting carrots and redesigning the vegie garden to find my two year old had been busy. He was standing in the middle of the kitchen falling over and screaming in the mess he had just created 13 eggs and a litre of milk ALL over the floor. Dry weet-bix crumbled onto the table and more milk on them I have never seen so much chaos. For future reference it is extremely difficult to clean up that much egg especially before coffee. Master Two can climb, move chairs and undo any latch now and he is out of control with big brother happy to watch but not let us know what is happening as he think he can avoid blame that way (he has another think coming!). I know it is "the age" and that "boys will be boys" but I find it hard to believe that other people's children behave like this too? Is there really this much chaos and stress in other households with small boys residing within? If so why do we have children- I am beginning to think I should have had more hens and perhaps a small pig instead... does anyone want to swap?
What makes it harder is they are so cute and it is difficult to stay mad with them but I have no idea how to alter this behaviour...
I don't know how much more of this can take without a complete meltdown

[The Riff-Raff Element]

... I find it hard to believe that other people's children behave like this too? Is there really this much chaos and stress in other households with small boys residing within? If so why do we have children- I am beginning to think I should have had more hens and perhaps a small pig instead... does anyone want to swap?
What makes it harder is they are so cute and it is difficult to stay mad with them but I have no idea how to alter this behaviour...
I don't know how much more of this can take without a complete meltdown

Small girls are capable of much the same, I fear. But they do grow out of it (well, two of ours have - the third is only four). In the meantime I'd suggest the best approach is one of limitation. We had to get quite fiendish in our techniques of keeping them in where we wanted them and out of where we didn't want them to be.

Bicycle locks on cupboards are NOT going too far

[oldjerry]

All 3 of our s have gone through the 'terrible twos' but when they were (are) 4 ! The youngest two have been the worst,and theyoungest (whose 4 now) the very worst.So I'm sure it's about them finding themslves in relation to the rest of theirfamily,just checking you all out really.At least if he's breaking eggs he's not going to come to any serious harm.It WILL pass,,but I dont know why I'm coming over all calm,I was close to strangling our little sod yesterday,then he comes over all angelic etc.etc.
We regularly get food scattered across the floor(usually cereal or milk) at least the dogs appreciate it. Best Wishes.

[Milims]

When my 2 were wee I had kitchen cupboards with knobs for handles. I stretched a strong elastic band between the knobs which meant that they would have to really pull to open the doors but they ran a huge risk of trapping fingers As it happened neither of my kids did trap fingers - but nor did they gain access to the cupboards! When they were a bit older I learned the different sound that each cupboard made and could call from another room - or even upstairs - "put that biscuit/packet of crisps/cereal etc back!" It's pretty scary when they think that mummy can see thru walls!
I think that cupboard locks are a great idea - for their safety and your sanity. They'll soon lean the boundaries.
Keep your chin up hun and just remember this will pass and eventually they'll grow into Teenogres!

[Rosendula]

I'm another mum who can see through walls and round corners. A lifetime of being completely deaf in one ear means I can't work out where a sound is coming from, so I instead specialize in what a sound is, which then gives me a good idea. After you've let them know you know what they're doing and don't approve, if you follow it with a "and you can take that look off your face as well", it really does freak them out But of course that means you actually catching them before they do it. Not helpful when your busy dreaming of carrot harvesting.

Have you tried to work out what your kids actually think they're doing, or are pretending to do? One time when I popped out to the garden OH was so engrossed in something on the computer he didn't hear me go out and thought it was me making noises in the kitchen. It wasn't, it was LO. She was cracking eggs (mostly) into a bowl, complete with shells. Also in and around the bowl was butter, flour, milk, sugar and cereals. She was baking! I had a word with her and explained that when we're baking we don't just put loads of stuff in a bowl at random, we put certain amounts of certain ingredients in. Before the 'event' I'd always let her help me stir things, but after it I started letting her watch/'help' with weighing the ingredients, pouring from the scale-pan into the bowl, that sort of thing so that she feels far more involved. When I'm making bread she likes to be in charge of the flour while I'm kneading. I have to say "more flour please, flour lady", and she pours it on and says "there you go, kneady lady". I've also started using recipes more often, even when I don't need them, just so that she can see me reading and following the instructions. It seems to have helped us.

[crowsashes]

been there still doing it little one is 3 and have trained him hes not allowed out his room till the clock goes off . i set it for a reasonable time 7:30 ish so he knows he has to stay there until its time . it works 98% of the time.

food in the bedroom for the morning usually works too.

[Green Aura]

Our gal slept in our bed with us until she was nearly 5 so we missed out on the early morning kitchen run. We paid in other ways, of course

I really don't think it's unusual though Jessie. Otherwise making child locks wouldn't be such big business. Just try to keep talking to them and explaining why they should/not do these things.

And always wear a headscarf so there's a barrier when you're ready to tear your hair out!

[Millymollymandy]

Sorry Susie Gee but you really made me laugh!

[TheGoodEarth]

Perfectly normal behaviour - it's how they learn. Expect it to happen again and it may not be so stressful next time

[Shirleymouse]

I know it's frustrating but try not to get too cross with them. So long as you keep things like knives and bleach well out of reach there's not much damage they can do. Cupboard locks are the way to go!

[TheGoodEarth]

Only use knives and bleach in self defence!

[Jessiebean]

Sorry Susie Gee but you really made me laugh!

.... and I even left out the gross part when, having realised she'd got carried away, she tried to stick the paper back on the walls using her teddy and the contents of her potty. Sorry but you asked for that MMM

Oh dear OH DEAR! hmmm not sure I could have coped with that without some serious shouting and extending the boys vocabulary. My husband is under the inpression that if we had little girls they would be less robust, destructive and disgusting ...!
We are off to the DIY warehouse today to get some more paint so I will be stocking up on locks and latches and perhaps a small surveillance set up cctv with sound?
Thank you so much for all your supportive and reassuring (and devious!) replies. It really helps to know that it is not just us and this too shall pass!

[crowsashes]

was just a quick post earlier but i can tell you

- ive had poo on the walls ( dont ask )
- all bubble bath/shampoo/toilet cleaner and what ever liquid poured into baths on floors etc
- toddler attempting to make his own breakfast that resulted in 24 wheat biscuits and 4 pints of milk and a carton of OJ wasted
- repeated 'thefts' of the last 2inches of milk from the fridge leaving me without 6am caffine fix
- printer ink and acrylic paint smeared and rubbed into a brand new ( 2 day old!!) carpet
- wallpaper ripped of walls repeatedly just days after it has been repaired
- doors constantly banged
- currently having the '14 year old style' hurrrumpf whenever i say to little un 'do this, get your coat on, time for bed' etc
- temper tantrums in the middle of the road that usually involve lying down
- 2 weeks worth of knitting unwound and left in a knotted spaghetti type mess
- brand new make-up and nail varnish poured into my foundation pot then painted onto rug
- windows climbed out of
- fences hurdled (talk about the great escape!)
- hes cut his own hair....
- blocked the toilet repeatedly by using too much loo roll to wipe his back side
- tipped laundry liquid on the tomato plants
- flooded the bathroom AND kitchen
- tried to shave ( razor was in the bin he fished it out and tried thankfully no injuries but lots of shaving foam )
- put a sanitary towel in his pants thinking it was a nappy .... ask no questions...
- and finally hes constant whirlwind of devastation that would require me having 2 weeks of TODDLER FREE TIME just to clean up and recover from with a large bottle of jim or jack!

its my own fault for raising a curious, fiercely independent, creative adventurous, smart and determined little bugger now some one pass me the duct tape....

[Millymollymandy]

Sorry Susie Gee but you really made me laugh!

.... and I even left out the gross part when, having realised she'd got carried away, she tried to stick the paper back on the walls using her teddy and the contents of her potty. Sorry but you asked for that MMM

Oh dear OH DEAR! hmmm not sure I could have coped with that without some serious shouting

I just read that as SHOOTING! Thought that might be going a bit too far!

Susie - hee hee hee *evil grin smiley* How's her decorating skills now?

[Green Aura]

Still crap, surely!