Are we THAT wrong?

[Alice Abbott]

We've just had an old Uni friend of Mack's plus girlfirend to visit on their was to Spain. They parked their camper on the garden and were self-contained so I found it quite stress free from a vistor point of view, especially as they left us with a pile of paperbacks and a pack of six cans of baked beans they were finding a nuisance in the van!

However, in discussion with the girlfriend one evening I began to wonder whether we are being mean to our two kids, aged nearly three and four and a bit. At the moment they run around the garden all day virtually naked (I only see them in the house at lunchtime although I can generally see exactly what they are up to from the windows) amusing themselves with an old wheelbarrow, a big paddling pool made from hay rolls and a tarpaulin, some old cord (skipping, or trying to, neither of them have succeeded yet!) and a mammouth mini racetrack they have smoothed out in a sand pile for some little cars. Oh, and the dog of course, who is as crazy as a loon and spends all day joining in. They look happy and healthy, both are articulate & polite and they come in and sleep like tops at night. The suggestion was, however, that we are depriving them of a "normal" childhood without playgroups, TV, "proper" toys, sweets and comics. However they can both write their names (admittedly they each have very short names but I still think it's not a bad achievement), count as high as most people would feel necessary in life and the older one can read little books aimed at 5 year olds and is trying to teach his sister what the words mean. They don't have many "same age" friends but there is a French child I collect from the school bus each day and they seem to relate to her pretty well in their way too. I know they can speak bits of French from this and I think they will pick it up quite easily this way.

So are we depriving them?

Oh, and another thing. She can't quite see how they are getting all the "nutrients" they need from our self-imposed spartan food regime. They didn't actually eat with us so I'm not sure how she worked this out, other than seeing the very basic dry food supplies I have stored around our kitchen area. I'm busily compiling a record of what we eat each day for a week so I'll post it for opinions. I'm not a nutritionalist but I don't think we are missing anything essential. Knowing this Uni friend I don't see this latest self-opinionated Dudley Doright of a girlfriend lasting that long once their holiday is over but I do wonder if there might be some grain of truth in her observations?

[mrsflibble]

are they growing? are they happy? are you happy? do you love your children? do you want the best for them?


if you answered yes to most of the above, you're doing nothing wrong.


do you miss the rat race? if you answered yes to that then you're mad lol!!!

[jampot]

i, and many of my schoolmates of the time, grew up like you littleuns without sweets /comics/constant pandering and rolling in mud all the do da day and weve all become happy adults so if you love your kids as im sure you do they are fine
and bilingual too!!

[Rosendula]

Ditto what MrsF said!

It sounds to me like you are doing a fantastic job and like your kids are probably much, much happier than other kids their ages who might be glued to the TV/playing computer games/have a mountain of broken plastic toys. I would love to be a child in your household. It sounds great.

Please remember, too, that 'normal' just means 'what most people do'. That doesn't mean it's the best thing to do.

It is your moral duty (and desire) as a parent to do, and provide the best you can for your children. It's sounds to me like you are doing just that. If you gave it all up and did what everyone else does, you wouldn't be doing what you think is best, and that would make you a terrible parent. Keep up the good work, and don't let silly sheep throw you off course.

[Gert]

My son has had a very similar upbringing to your children, he is about to turn 10, and I have to say that it is obvious to all that he is a hell of a lot fitter than any of his peer group.
He is never going to be a university graduate, as he is extremely dyslexic and doesn't really read very well, but he is Intellegent, curious, polite and capable.
In fact he has an understanding of life far beyond that of his school mates, and tends to seek company in the sons of other farmers/smallholders.

I think what you are giving your kids is perfect, for a start you are letting them be kids the irony of this being that they become more mature faster than the kids who live in cotton wool or consumerisim

Good for you, stick with it, they will be lovely adults

[Milims]

Please remember, too, that 'normal' just means 'what most people do'. That doesn't mean it's the best thing to do.

You've put it perfectly Rosey!
Does this silly woman actually have children? If not what would she know about children! It sounds absolutely perfect to me - in fact I wish I was 5 and you'd adopt me!

[Annpan]

Some busybodies (like this Dudley Doright of a girlfriend) Can't understand an alternative lifestyle. Be that lack of TV or choice of a different diet.

I have many 'friends' and family who make similar comments, I have now come to taking everything they say with a pinch of salt.

Your kids can amuse themselves and clearly socialise (more than most kids I've seen at that age)... and as for nutrition - You are clearly intelligent, I am sure you understand the food groups and would seek help if you had any problems.

They are your kids, and you'll do just fine. And tell her

Just out of interest... Are you home educating? or have they just not started at the local school?

[red]

I get this a lot because I home educate my son. The irony is he is both physically and mentally disabled, and so 'normal' isn't an option for us anyway - anyone who really knows us knows how well he is doing and how much happier he is.. and the local authority is happy with what we are doing too, but the other people.. like to say how he should be with other kids.. doing 'normal things' blah blah

seriously, what I think is that people imagine they should bring up their kids pretty much the same way as they were raised,.. and anyone doing otherwise is having a go at them

seems to me the girlfriend is jealous... how dare she have a go at you? none of her business.. yet.. she did anyway. If she coudl see miserable deprived kids.. then maybe it would have been her duty, but clearly that was not the case.. she had no knowledge of the food, and the kids are happy. So she is just having a go because.. in my opinion.. she feels threatened.. she feels in a way you are having a go at the way she would do it..

You are right to question if you have it right.. it's no good just carrying on assuming your way is right.. you have to revisit it and requestion it.. and you have.. and it seems the kids are happy and fine. so.. no problem.

[Masco&Bongo]

Please can I come and live at your house??

Your kids are only babies still, and are obviously having a whale of a time! You say they are polite and articulate, and can read and write - let's face it, half the kids in the UK are none of those things!

Children don't NEED plastic americanised toys and TV to be 'normal', they don't NEED playgroups and organised tumble tots sessions to be 'normal' either. And as for the sweets and comics... don't even ask!!

You are doing everything right - your children won't grow up being bored, they will see adventure and excitment in the most usual everyday objects, they won't rely on you to provide absolutely everything for them, and will grow up thinking for themselves.

When this girlfriend has raised her own kids to her own standards, I'm sure she'll feel very differently!

[Green Aura]

I can't add much that hasn't already been said, but wanted to add my support.

Her view of "normal" is very blinkered. And just a tad scary.

If she can't see the benefits of pre-school kids getting to play and use their imagination, without being force-fed the latest must-have/see toy/TV programme/fashion, then I guess she deserves our pity. Because if she ever can't afford those things she'll be completely lost.

Your kids won't - they'll be healthy, happy and able to look after themselves.

[grahamhobbs]

I'm of an age when no kids had all these things, it wasn't considered 'alternative living' this was normal childhood. We had few toys, preferred to play outdoors, didn't have a quarter of the foods you see in the shops these days - were we deprived, no I don't think so. I think kids who grow up these days are more deprived. I walked 2 miles to school in London at the age of seven, we could run out and play in the street, we could go off miles on our bikes, parents didn't know where we were but weren't worried, we had fresh air (well not actually fresh air in London) and freedoms kids can't imagine these days. Today parents are too frightened to allow their kids out, so they have to watch tv or play video games. If they go out they have to be chauffered around. You are giving your kids a real childhood not something dictated by adults.

[mrsflibble]

can me and soph come play in your pool please because your garden sounds idyllic.

[Milims]

[quote="Masco&Bongo"]Please can I come and live at your house??

quote]

You may have to promise not to run around the garden naked!

[Masco&Bongo]

You may have to promise not to run around the garden naked!

Oh, I won't be doing that.... as long as I can play with the car race track!!

[snapdragon]

Sounds perfick to me

Nutritionwise - ha ha - if they weren't fed full of good things they wouldn't have the energy to run and play - so sounds to me like that is perfick too

My chiildhood was not full of bought 'stuff' but it was full of streams and woods and climbing and jumping and animals and cycling for miles and making things out of what we found, all within four miles of central Manchester. and I reckon it was better than all the electronic gizmo's which pass for the usual (nb not 'normal') these days.

You're doing great Alice (can I send my grandaughter over?)