talk to me, someone....

[Muscroj]

yes as I understood it shingles only appears if you've had chicken pox already as the virus lays low in nerves (I think???) and then manifests itself when you are a bit run down. You can't 'catch' it, like you'd catch chicken pox, but someone who has never had chicken pox CAN catch CP from someone who has shingles.

I'm pretty certain that's correct as I did a load of reading when my dad had shingles as I was pregnant at the time & wanted to be sure of the facts.

My guess is that you have indeed had CP in the past but only a very minor dose & therefore you perhaps weren't aware of it.

Whatever it is, I hope it doesn't hang around too long & you're feeling fit & healthy again soon

[Annpan]

Rant Warning, Rant Warning!

Well... I got out of bed to go and do a bit of weeding, i was sick of just lying there...

Went down stairs to find OH in front of the computer despite the fact that there are things to be done, kitchen is a bomb site (since he made breakfast and lunch for himself and E, he is the kind of guy who won't think about lunch till 1.30) The stuff he left sitting in the middle of the dining room floor last week (right infront of the cupboard with my stock in it, so I can't get in without stepping on something.)

So I told him
"I'm going out to get a bit of fresh air and do some weeding, maybe you could join me?" thinking he might help move the wheelbarrow, take up the compost, put fresh water out for the chooks, etc,etc, etc... you know to save me straining myself...

40 mins later and totally exhausted I come back in the house and he is still on the 'puter...

So now he informs me he's feeling a bit "Bleauch!" Then proceeds to grump around the house.

Now, I am back in bed feeling physically exhausted and angry because him feeling "Bleauch" means that's me done with resting, by the morning I will be the one looking after everyone and I know for a fact he will go back into work on Monday morning leaving me with all the housework (plus some) All the meals to cook, all the childcare - and I have been told to stay in all week, so that means no day trips and no visitors.

I know it could be worse but I did get the feeling that he might at least try to share the chores at least over the weekend..... sigh, sigh and thrice sigh.


So should I get up again in 30 mins and go and do all the tidying and house work? should I nag him to do it? or do I rest just now hoping I will feel better on Monday and able to deal with it all (which I doubt with all that I am reading about shingles)

[/rant]

[Muscroj]

I would write a 'jobs' of all the things that need doing and stick it up on the fridge or somewhere where he'll see it. Don't say a word & if he asks just tell him that it is a list of all the things that you would normally do over the 'weekend' that aren't going to get done unless he does them this time.

[ina]

List is a good idea, so you don't have to keep telling him - just point to the list. And no, don't get up and do it, you won't get better that way, and he won't learn that it's not just him feeling a bit bleauch!

[Annpan]

Well, I didn't get out of bed, and he was feeling a bit better yesterday so they both went out 'shopping'.

Thanks for listening to me vent, I was just so angry... I know that I am hardly in my death bed but there is so much stuff needing done here (which is possibly what the stress was that kicked off the shingles in the first place) and, just because I feel 'OK' doesn't mean I am up to actually doing much.

Anyway, I managed to get the in-laws to take E again today and I have just crawled back to bed. Feeling pretty much the same. Hopefully I'll be better in the next few days.

[Millymollymandy]

You need a hug. And he needs a kick up the backside!

[old tree man]

Just like to point out that not all of us are insensitive sods i cook, clean, wash, iron,and all other stuff not because i have to but because i want to as i'm sure many other men do, i helped jane bring up seven children (well i did help make them ) and now as we grow old together we rely on each other so much more................................................
russ

[ina]

Russ, I think you are the exception that proves the rule...

I've seen a good friend of mine drag herself to work when she was suffering from the flu (night shift, so she has time to do the rest as well), looking after the livestock (200 sheep), do all the housework and the shopping - while the men potter about and wait for her to cook tea! They don't even manage to find a loaf of bread in the freezer, when there's 8 of them in there...

[Annpan]

Oh yeah, I'm not convinced it's a man thing.... it's a person usually out of the house 10 hours a day, not having a clue how much time and energy it takes to run a home.

Our house takes some running too. I did write it all down and on a typical day I spend at least 5 hours just keeping things afloat.


ETA -fixed spelling, my brain is mush, sorry

[ina]

Oh yeah, I'm not convinced it's a man thing.... it's a person usually out of the house 10 hours a day, not having a clue how much time and energy it takes to run a home.

Not necessarily... In my friend's case, the husband is at home all day - never goes anywhere except for sales etc. I keep telling her she should just buzz off for a couple of weeks and leave them (grown up son as well) alone, with an empty freezer - but she won't do it!

[red]

Oh yeah, I'm not convinced it's a man thing.... it's a person usually out of the house 10 hours a day, not having a clue how much time and energy it takes to run a home.

Not necessarily... In my friend's case, the husband is at home all day - never goes anywhere except for sales etc. I keep telling her she should just buzz off for a couple of weeks and leave them (grown up son as well) alone, with an empty freezer - but she won't do it!

in cases like this, I always get annoyed at the woman. why is she doing it? why has she got to the place where they believe its ok not to muck in?

[Annpan]

my OH will muck in... but often it takes me longer to remind him what needs done and how often to do it, and how to do it that it is quicker to do it myself. (isn't that just a typical moany wife thing to say)

Once he is in a routine it is fine... until... he doesn't do one of the things he usually does and I wake up in this morning to an empty dishwasher and worktops full of dirty dishes... I mean, if he had said last night that he wasn't doing it, fine, I would have done it myself, but I didn't know till this morning and I already have loads of housework, livestock and child care to attend to... plus... I am not back to my normal self yet, I am still quite poorly.

boo hoo

[ina]

in cases like this, I always get annoyed at the woman. why is she doing it? why has she got to the place where they believe its ok not to muck in?

There are a lot of reasons for that - and I've given up getting angry with her. I think she's just taken the easiest route out. She's desperately trying to get her son to stay at uni at least during the week, so that he gets to see how other folk live - but he prefers to come home every night... Since they (the men) don't go out anywhere, they can't see that their behaviour isn't normal.

[red]

in cases like this, I always get annoyed at the woman. why is she doing it? why has she got to the place where they believe its ok not to muck in?

There are a lot of reasons for that - and I've given up getting angry with her. I think she's just taken the easiest route out. She's desperately trying to get her son to stay at uni at least during the week, so that he gets to see how other folk live - but he prefers to come home every night... Since they (the men) don't go out anywhere, they can't see that their behaviour isn't normal.

hmm yeh - my dad has laways been looked after by my mum - it works in their relationship - they ar both happy with the arrangement.. he runs his business, she runs the house,buys his clothes etc. so who am i to critisize

the problem is.. he now thinks this is normal, and thinks everyone else should run their lives that way. so if my house is untidy (and it usually is), then he thinks its my fault - even though three of us live here. he is always surprised i do DIY... if he comes around to help.. he assumes I'll be helping by making tea or something. its odd really as we were aleays encourage to muck in with everythign as kids - but its as though once I became a 'woman'...it all changed...
oh well.

[Millymollymandy]

My husband is like Russ and does tons. He's always asking me if there's anything that needs doing before he goes off and does his sort of thing (which is all the manly/heavy type jobs about the place!). He does all the washing up, dishwasher loading etc and in winter cleaning out the wood burner every day and bringing in firewood is his job too.

My job is the housework but I just leave it until it's really dirty!!! I do the laundry but he does the ironing. I do the majority of the cooking but he cooks too at least once a week. He's wonderful!