Cheer me up Ish!!

[the.fee.fairy]

I've got to make some major decisions...do i take the new job? Am i happy with other aspects of my life? Shall i go to China this year?

These decisions are really getting me down!! Normally, life carries on and takes me with it...and that's not happening right now.

So, Ish...Ishers of the World! Tell silly jokes...tell silly stories...anything to make me laugh a bit please!

Ta

[StripyPixieSocks]

This makes everyone else laugh although my Mother would be horrified if she found out I was telling people but... *giggles*

Picture the scene... it's the 80's... we're in Cornwall in a T-Shirt printing shop (the ones that iron on whatever you choose) my Mom is wandering around the shop and decides she wants the 'nice ferny leaves' on her t-shirt.

My Dad exits the shop in a fit of giggles, myself and my sister are giggling and my Mom asks the guy behind the counter for the 'nice ferny leaves'

The guy looks puzzled and asks where they are on the wall and she points...

He looks even more confused now and comes out from behind the counter to see where my Mom is pointing.

She points at the wall and he blanches and turns to my Mom and says "erm... you know they're Marijuana leaves... right?"

My poor old (somewhat straight laced) Mom is utterly horrified and says "Oh... I see... never mind then" and hurries myself and my sister out of the shop.

My Dad is still in tucks of laughter and just laughs more the more she tells him off!

Bless her... we still ask from time to time if she wants some nice ferny leaves but she just makes the *hrumph* noise at us!

... and just so you don't think I'm picking on my lovely Mom...

I wanted to join the Rangers (the step up from the Girl Guides Rangers) some years ago and found out that my local group was run by a Mrs Drake.

I had her number but kept putting off ringing her (I'm crap on the phone and avoid it at all costs) but my Dad kept asking me if I'd rung Mrs Duck.

This went on for some weeks and one night he was sat polishing his work boots and I got on the phone desperately thinking to myself "Mrs Drake, Drake, Drake not Duck"

Sure enough a little voice answers and I ask if Mrs Duck is there...

Well, I was horrified and I will never forget the open mouthed look on my Dads face as long as I live. Luckily it was her really tiny son who just said "yeah, I'll get her"...

A few years later I saw a Medieval Minstrel couple at Tatton Park and called later as I hadn't gotten the name of them and wanted a CD. The guy wasn't in at the time but I was to call Mr Haddock (I kid you not) later.

My Dad immediately said "I'd better not tell you to phone Mr Fish had I?"

Luckily I had my brain in gear that day and actually didn't call him Mr Fish much (I'm sure) to my Dads disappointment

I hope that at least gave you a giggle... hope you feel better in the morning

[invisiblepiper]

Hi - teenage daughter in a sulk - wouldn't go out with a lad as he'd just been 'burned' (dumped).
This was apparently a bad thing, cos she'd just been burned too - there's some teen rule on this.
I wish you could have seen her face when I suggested they try 'carbon dating'.

[Rosendula]

Ah Stripy, your second story reminds me of my own little story.
When I was little we had to go with my mother to visit my Gran every Saturday. Every week the milkman would come round and one of them would say, "Here comes the Drippy Milkman". Well, I was only little as I say, and thought 'Drippy Milkman' was the job title. So one Friday when our own (different) milkman knocked on our door, my mother was upstairs cleaning (just for a change) and I opened the door, saw who it was and shouted up the stairs, "Mummy, the Drippy Milkman's here". I have never forgotten the look on her face.

Another story along the same lines:-
When I was little I had a friend who I would often play with. Whenever I mentioned my friend's mum to my mother, my mother would look down her nose and say, "Oh, she's just a Common Barmaid" (sorry, folks. My mother's a right snob.) Well, you know how kids talk, and I thought 'Common Barmaid', like 'Drippy Milkman', was the job title. So I said to my friend something like, "My mum said your mum's a Common Barmaid". The woman didn't speak to us much after that. In fact, several years later we moved into the house nextdoor to them, and even to this day, the woman barely ever speaks to my parents. They don't know why. I also find it amusing that when I was in my 20s I worked in a pub. Ooh, that must have been so embarrassing for her.

[Masco&Bongo]

On the topic of 'nice ferny leaves'....

I was about 18 or so, and was coming home from a Friday night out. I was rather drunk, and at the stage where you think that you are still mostly sober. I knew my mum had been out to the local social club, with my 30-odd year old cousin who was living with us.

As I got out of the taxi, I realised it was about 4am, and that I would have to be careful going in the house as I didn't want to wake everyone up.

In very exaggerated movements, I unlocked the door and took a HUGE step over the door frame. Promptly fell over, smacked my head on an inside door frame, and went into the living room (in a sort of forward roll movment).

Sat up, quite dazed, realising the living room table lights were on. Very strange.

Cue giggles from the dining room (through an arch). My 53 year old mum and cousin are sat under the dining room table, smoking some ferny leaves and giggling like naughty school-girls

My mum then leans forward, and in a conspiritorial whisper says, "Shhh, we're hiding from the police...." They then both reduce back into the giggles, and end up laying on their backs looking at the underneath of the table.

I sigh, pick myself up off the floor, shut the front door and go to bed.

This has never been mentioned in our house EVER, as apparantly it never happened (despite the fact the downstairs of the house smelt very funny in the morning...)

[Mr and Mrs luvpie]

the t-shirt story reminded me of this now infamous christmas day when I was growing up...

My mother for some reason decided that for Christmas me, my two sisters and my eldest sisters boyfriend should all receive t-shirts to wear at christmas dinner, she decided that the theme should be sheep (my mother is and always has been just a little crazy!) I had a parasheep one, with a sheep pictured hanging from a parachute, no-one can remember what my sisters had, but my now brother in law was special, as the shop only had one t-shirt with someones name on it, so he had a picture of a sheep on the front of his t-shirt, which strangely enough was wearing welly boots, but only on its back legs, with the title Roger the Sheep!

My mother never realised that day, I think we told her what all the laughter was on Boxing day in the end, but how we all managed to eat dinner without chocking as we were all sniggering so much I will never know. For some reason, Roger has never been able to make Christmas day at my mums since, I wonder why?

Sarah


(sorry for any spelling mistakes, I am typing this without reading as Master luvpie can reach the controls for the monitor, oh it's on again, no off again!)

[MuddyWitch]

Fee if you REALLY want a laugh watch the BBC News for 'the funny story just before the weather'.... Boris Johnson has done it again!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/8083056.stm

not sure if the link will work.

MW

[the.fee.fairy]

Thanks guys!

I was having a bit of a wobbly night!
I've decided to take the job, i am happier in other areas, and that i will put in my application for China...but i can always postpone it til next year if i have to - i emailed the bloke running the programme today and explained.

I'm having a lot of work done on my teeth tomorrow, so i think a lot of it is that i#m really terrified!

So...more silly stories please!

[Millymollymandy]

Fee - what's the new job? And good luck and lot of for today.

Love all your stories everyone - I think you've cheered everyone up!

[Milims]

Good luck with the teeth Fee - hope you have a lovely dentist!
Now for a silly story.........
When my son was small he mixed up his Fs and his Ps, so fingers became Pingies etc. One day in the supermarket there was a large fish on display. My son was very taken with it and announced in a very loud voice "Mammy I want a big p*ss!"

[sleepyowl]

I wanted to post on here but most of mine are wholly inappropiate for such a site as most of my family's humour is in the gutter

[StripyPixieSocks]

My first fiancé was a bit of a nutter... one day my (now) ex, myself and two friends of ours went for a walk in the Pennines (Wincle to be exact).

We were walking down towards the trout farm there and my ex decided to run off down the road and jump over the little 2' wall... off he went and *BOING* over the wall and disappeared, then his friend (not to be outdone) did the same thing.

Myself and Lou walked slowly down and looked over the innocuous 2' wall to see an 8' drop on the other side which neither of the boys had anticipated.

No one was badly injured but myself and Lou howling with laughter after seeing them in a groaning heap probably injured their macho pride somewhat!

... and another one...

About three weeks after I moved into this flat we were expecting workmen to come around to fix something or other. OH nipped out to the shop and just as he went the workmen arrived and rang the bell so I went downstairs, out of our inner door and opened the front door. As I did that the inside door slammed shut locking me out!!

I had to explain to the workmen what I had just done and that we would have to wait for my OH to come back from the shop (which was luckily just around the corner). They tried so hard not to snigger or giggle bless them! The worse thing was they offered me their mobile phone to call him and I had to explain that I didn't know his number as we'd only been together a few weeks... I felt like a right dork!

OH came back about 20 minutes later and saw me standing there and thought I was being all romantic and waiting at the door for him to return.

I somewhat embarrassingly had to explain that wasn't the case and that I had locked myself out... he's never let me live it down

Hope you feel better soon Fee, sounds like you're thinking about making alot of changes all at once which is causing lots of stress... you'll get through it

[Rosendula]

Yes I've done the locking myself out thing as well. When I first moved in with my now-ex, it was into a flat that was part of a converted house. We both worked at the same place, but one day I was off work ill. Burning up, I stayed in bed all morning with no clothes on. Then the doorbell rang. I jumped up, slung on a t-shirt and a big flaredy see-though-in-the-sun skirt and went to answer the door. Just like Stripy, as I opened the front door to collect a parcel that was being delivered, my flat door slammed shut behind me. Well, I had nothing on my feet, it was very windy out and I had no knickers on under my blow-away skirt and I felt cr@p. I ended up asking every passer-by if they knew how to pick locks Eventually, a guy walked past who suggested I go to the end of the street and ask the builders. Then he looked me up and down and realised why I hadn't done that! He very kindly took my work phone number and the name of my then-bf and rang him from the phone box up the street (no mobiles in them days, folks). Well, we didn't have a car and the office was a long way off, so the ex had to get his boss to give him a lift home to let me in. Now bearing in mind we worked at the same place, I can imagine I was the subject of some rumours - being off work ill and locking myself out! With no knickers on!

I won't mention all the times I have had to climb in through top windows in similar clothing. With knickers on those occasions though!

[Millymollymandy]

An old flat mate of mine was putting the rubbish out one day. We lived in the 2nd floor flat and the rest of us were away at the time. She just put the rubbish on the stairs outside our flat door when somehow the door shut locking her out of our flat.

The only problem was she'd just had a bath and she was starkers! Very, VERY, luckily for her she'd been throwing away one of those faux sheepskin bedside rugs so she had to wrap herself in that to go outside of the house down to a guy who lives in the basement (everyone else in the other flats in the house were out at work!). Luckily for her this guy was able to fairly easily break into our flat (probably with a credit card back in those days of yale locks and fairly lax security).

I'll always remember this tale as it has me in fits every time I think about it!

[the.fee.fairy]

Hahaha they're ace!

Had teeth done Jaw hurts a bit now, but at least they're done!

When i lived in York, we had a bottom window that you cuold climb in without a problem. I always wondered why the police were never called - there were bottoms going in our window day and night!