Basic Manners

[the.fee.fairy]

Is it me, or is there a severe lack o basic manners about lately?

Whenever i've gone somewhere as a customer, they've made it as difficult as possible to do anything, and the latest trick is to talk over people when you ring them! How rude is that?

I was on the phone to a cargo company earlier (dealing with my boxes to go to China), and the woman just kept talking over me every time i spoke..and then when i reminded her that talking over people was rude, she put the phone down on me!!

Why do we have this lack of manners? Who don't people say thank you when you hold a door open for them? Why has customer service become Customer irritation?

Aaargh!

[StripyPixieSocks]

No it's not just you it's getting really bad recently and especially in London I have noticed. People seem to just have the rude aggressive mode turned of full time recently and it's a sad state of affairs to be sure!

So long respect and politeness we hope to see you again sometime soon

[lazyspice]

I get it from the other direction - I work in the customer care department of a medical supplies company and we regularly get spoken to like we're dirt, no please or thank you or basic manners. The customer might always be right (no comment) but there's no need to be rude to us

[Millymollymandy]

Who don't people say thank you when you hold a door open for them? Aaargh!

God that was my biggest bugbear when I lived in London - not just not saying thank you, but that not just one person would go through but a whole load!!!!!! and then when I'd had enough of standing there like an idiot being a bloody doorman I'd let go of the door which would nearly hit someone and then they'd give ME a filthy look! Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!

[Shirley]

Who don't people say thank you when you hold a door open for them? Aaargh!

God that was my biggest bugbear when I lived in London - not just not saying thank you, but that not just one person would go through but a whole load!!!!!! and then when I'd had enough of standing there like an idiot being a bloody doorman I'd let go of the door which would nearly hit someone and then they'd give ME a filthy look! Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!

I always say please and thankyou and would like to think I'm polite. I apologise when someone has bumped into me and if someone walks through a door that I've held open for them without so much as a thank you I say it to them quite loudly - sometimes people snap out of their daydream and say 'sorry, I was in a world of my own, thanks!' so perhaps it's not all deliberate.

[Rosendula]

It's everywhere and it's driving me crazy
As an occasional car driver, one of the things that bugs me is when I stop to let someone cross the road and they don't nod, smile or even acknowledge my kindness. I have, on occasion, wound down the window and yelled 'a thank you would be nice', or just 'thank you' at the top of my voice. It embarrasses my kids, but makes me feel better.

I was at a soft play centre the other day with LO, and a child, about 9 or 10 years old, came up to me and said, "Excuse me. Can you change this for 20ps". Yes! He said 'excuse me'. I couldn't believe it. So I looked in my purse and told him I could change his £1 for 3 x 20ps and 4 x10ps. He said, "Oh, OK" like he was really disappointed, we made the exchange, and off he went. No 'thank you' or anything. Shortly after, I needed the loo. To get to the Ladies I had to walk past all the 20p tat machines, and there was same child, with half of a plastic egg capsule in his mouth, and as I looked at him he blew it out onto the floor, where it was surrounded by about 20 or more other plastic capsules. And there were his whole family around him, his father (I presume) trying to get him more 20ps by shouting in a gruff voice through a door to a man in an office "Y'a go' any twenny pees, mate?"

[jim]

Dear fee.fairy,

No, it's not just you. The whole country has become a far coarser place over the last 20 years. An American acquintance revisited after a 10 year gap and commented on the drain in our collective lack of manners since her last stay. Since the 1980s it has been made acceptable to assume that greed works, the bottom line of the account sheet is all that matters, and that "ME ME ME!!!!" is the only person that counts, so what can we expect?

Love and Peace
Jim

[grannymags]

I have such a long list of incidents where people have been rude by not saying thankyou or acknowledging my courtesy that I won't start to rant about it. It would go on for too long!

What has happened to common courtesy? So many only seem to be thinking only of themselves and not considering what others have done for them.

When someone does say thanks for me opening the door, stopping to let them drive through a narrow bit of road (lots of them down here!), stopping to let someone cross the road etc., I find it refreshing to see that some courtesy still remains.

On another note, I get glared at frequently by people who think I am rude because they said 'Excuse me' to get past but I have not moved because I didn't hear them. I usually explain that I am deaf and then they are OK and apologise to me!

Mini roundabouts! Well............. No! I promised not to rant!

Maggie x

[the.fee.fairy]

I'm glad its not just me! I feel that manners are a basic human need. They don't cost, and generally make both the speaker and recipient a good feeling.

[Russian Doll]

not just you hun...my boys may not be the best behaved in the world but they always say please thankyou etc
some of the kids round here look at me as if im crazy when alex thanks me for sweets

on the upside the kids round here know they are not allowed in my house unless they obey there manners

[Green Aura]

I agree with everything above.

I remember when I was a kid adults saying the same thing, and that was if a kid didn't stand up to let someone older have a seat on the bus. Everyone said please etc - unless they were really nasty and someone you didn't mix with

For me though, it's not so much the actual words please and thankyou - they're a huge bonus - but the attitude of people.

When you hold doors they stomp through, scowling, as though by right.

When you smile at strangers they glare like you're a child-molester.

When you say please, thankyou, good morning etc, they look like you've just stabbed them.

And don't get me started on the people who own the supermarket aisles, barging everyone out of their way with no word of apology or even any obvious sign that they're aware of their actions.

Need I go on.....

[Helsbells]

I used to get so annoyed when people didnt thank me in the car or if they pulled out in front of me and I would always get so cross and be fuming in my car, I gave myself a migrain once I was so angry, after that I decided there was no point because the other driver usually has no idea that I am angry so really the only person I am hurting is myself. So I dont get angry any more about bad, rude drivers.....people who dont thank me for holding the door open though, now thats another matter, I usually say "oh dont mind me, I just love holding the door open for people"

[snapdragon]

I am happy to report that in my little town people do still hold doors open, smile in the street and say goodmorning to strangers - so perhaps there's hope yet, I like to think so.

mine too in general
and in lots of other places that I've visited too (LOL maybe I am the scary person my kids tell me I am )

[Rosendula]

I am happy to report that in my little town people do still hold doors open, smile in the street and say goodmorning to strangers - so perhaps there's hope yet, I like to think so.

mine too in general
and in lots of other places that I've visited too (LOL maybe I am the scary person my kids tell me I am )

We live on a council estate which is divided by a big road and a footbridge into what we all call 'North Side' and 'South Side'. We used to live on 'South Side' and I hated it. Apart from all the physical violence, theft, vandalism (the reason we managed to get moved), I hated the attitude of people there. If you tried to say 'good morning', they just looked at you like you were stupid. They never held doors open, and never acknowledge me if I held them open for them. Basically, all the bad manners you have read about in the posts above were rife down there on South Side. Now we're on 'North Side', and it's the complete opposite. Complete strangers say 'hello', hold doors, say 'please' and 'thank you', move to the side of the pavement when someone's walking in the other direction. The difference is amazing considering it's all part of the same estate and that there's only a road separating the two halves.

[yvette]

I can really identify with some of the things being said about manners, and sometimes I despair - but just a word in defence of London...
I've lived in East London for almost 30 years, after being brought up in small towns in Gloucestershire. I do recognise the picture of people being unaware of others and wrapped up in their own worlds here, but I would also say that I have been constantly surprised by the friendliness and kindness of people. I know many of my neighbours, the postman and local shopkeepers. I often see people giving up seats for others on buses and trains and when I was pregnant, this happened for me many times. My community is very mixed, and some cultures and faiths have enduring traditions of respect which influence their behaviour in public. And I've had unexpected help getting heavy bags off the bus from some very cool-looking youths! I've come to the conclusion that most people are basically good and well-meaning.
Sometimes, I think people's withdrawal through ipods etc is a way of trying to protect themselves from the crowds and stresses of public transport and living in such close proximity to others. And sometimes its fear of violence.
Sometimes, of course, here as elsewhere, people are just plain rude!!
Yvette