telling others you want to home ed your kids

[Annpan]

Since before I knew I was pregnant OH and I have been discussing home ed, now several years on E is now one and my belief in home ed has become stronger with every conversation I have about it.

However I am getting tierd of repeating myself, especially to the 'in-laws' who are so friendly and wonderful but the just keep talking about school... an unnatural amount ... MIL is a retired teacher but is it normal to have to bite my tounge when the start asking about what school E will go to, what kind of uniform, etc. I want them to know that I am serious about home ed, without being rude and telling them where to get off.

I feel like it is our decision and just because it is the norm to send your kids to school that is somehow the best way, if not the only way to educate your children.

sorry for the rant but just wanted to know how other home educators broach the situation with family and friends.

[red]

different for me as my son was about to go to secondary school when I made the decision, and he has learning difficulties.

My family, OH and my son's father all disagreed with my decision to home educate, but in a friendly way, and once they saw it working for us, have all agreed it was the right choice.

I guess your in-laws only want the best for your child, just they have different ideas of what that best is. and for most of us, going to school is 'normal' so its a difficult habit to break.

I think I would just stick to one pleasantly delivered sentence along the lines of ' oh we plan to educate E ourselves'.

It might help them to understand how serious you were if you joined support groups - such as education otherwise etc. and often the 'social' meetings encourage people with toddlers etc to come

I think, you will probably have to suffer them always obviously thinking you are doing the wrong thing. you just have to have the courage of your own convictions.

[circlecross]

I am starting to look at schools for ds1, and dh and I had considered home educating, but have sort of come toan agreement about sending the dude to reception (he is already at a nursery, so the leap will hopefully not be too much) and see how he gets on. I quite enjoyed the rise I would get out of my mum by saying we were considering home educating, as she doesn't really understand what it is, so thinks it is the work of the devil, obviously. Dh's mum similar except she sent dh to boarding school so has a romantic notion about school and little ones in uniform etc.

[mrsflibble]

we've agreed that we will try school... and remove soph if it doesn't suit her. I've not discussed this with either side of the family 'cos i know what reaction I'll get.

[farmerdrea]

Such a tough one!! We have been unschooling our children for 15 years (oldest is 15). We didn't live near family when we had our children, so no one could ever really be in-your-face about it, but the hostility of some was quite tangible (and BOTH my parents were teachers!). The issue of socialisation is the one that comes up most often (not anymore, everyone knows it's pointless to try to change us), and we jsut used to politely say that we felt we were taking the option that was in the best interest of our children, and pointing them toward articles about successful homeschoolers (there are LOTS of them out there). I think later on it helped that the university my husband and I went to was actively recruiting homeschooled students!

It would be hard if I always had my family breathing down my neck about it. My friends have always been supportive, have asked intelligent questions about, even when expressing their concerns. What is it about family?!

This next year, just 2 months shy of his 16th birthday, our unschooled son is going to high school! His decision. It's an "alternative" school, for self-directed, accelerated kids, and a lot of homeschooled kids go there for some of their high school. We live rurally, his local friends are more interested in sport and their play stations, but Aidan is nerd king in the making, with his interest in computers and electronics. So there has been a gradual parting of the ways. The school has a fantastic computer science department, and he will have opportunities to take classes a two of the local universities. So he is really excited, and we are all rather wondering how life will be after we go through this major transition for our family. I'll miss me being able to hang out with the children!!

Anyway, probably doesn't help you, but wanted to share our experiences.

Cheers
Andrea
NZ

[Magpie]

I don't discuss our home educating at all with my family, let alone let on we are unschooling... they don't live in the same country as us though, so it's easier to avoid the topic on the phone. DH's family live close by, and we see them a lot. They have just started on it again, asking if they will go to high school (still 3 years off yet!)

I guess they are just concerned, and also curious, as they never "catch" us doing "schoolwork". I think it reassures all family members to hear about the social group the children attend, as well as all the other activities they attend (swimming, dancing ec) Makes them seem more "normal" maybe?

Perhaps you could say you have "started" already - have you contacted your local support group? If the in-laws know you have done that, it may go some way to reassure them you aren't the only nut out there This did seem to help with our families...I guess once your child turns school-age, without going to school, they will realise you are serious.

[frozenthunderbolt]

I think the social aspect may be a large part of it for many people - the perception of isolation. as the eldest of 5 at least partly homeschooled children haveing opportunities for greater social interation earlier would have been good and benifitted my younger sibbs.
WOuldnt give up being homeschooled for anything though. Gave me the best start i can imagine.

[getting there]

I hope to half homescool - half unschool my dd. My family and friends have a hard time accepting the idea because of the stigma and stereo types surrounding the whole issue. I just say well we can give it a go and if it doesn't work she go to a 'normal' school. If they're really listening I'll mention I don't believe one teacher can (or should even try to) fully meet all the learning needs of 15-25 students. And that before schools children learnt at their parents side how to run a house and earn a living etc. Besides modern schools are only what 200 years old??? Plus I'm currently an adult student at a 'normal' high school and I'm painfully aware of the downsides of 'normal' schooling ('Here do this, learn this, memorise this, write the memorised stuff for the exam. Do all this and you will pass the subject but won't take more than a few tidbits into the real world and won't remember any of it a year after.' Sorry for the vent). That probably doesn't help much though sorry.

[Annpan]

I absolutley agree with you GT, I could have been reading my own thoughts.

I call what I want to do 'home educating' because I'm not conviced of the planned lesson structure home 'schooling' insinuates and I am not sure if I am enough of a free spirit in to un-school. I will be teaching E as a continuation of normal pre school, being at home, learning something everyday - if that makes sense.

I sort of agree with the old fashioned principles of children help in the home, We don't have all the mod cons here (and choose not too) so the more we are active with growing veg, making clothes, making food, making toiletries, etc The more I see why people used to have more children so they would have more help around the home.

I would like E to learn maths because you need the right proportions of ingredients in a cake. Learn science by making soap. Learn triganometry by building a fence, or a tree house and so on and so forth. She will have learned alot more than she would have in 7 years of Primary education. I have taught myself how to do all these things, through alot of hard work and trial and error. I have friends that couldn't stich a sock if their life depended on it, and because of this I am much more adapt at life in general.


Oh look, now I am ranting

Sorry, it can get to be quite emotional a subject for me.

[red]

yeh I call it 'home education' too (although not all of it happens in the home!)

autonomous education would not work for us... both my son and I need a certain amount of routine and structure.. - however it looks nothing like 'school'

we might be sat on the sofa looking at his bank statements together.. following a trip to the bank. we might be doing a little cross-stitch (son is doing one of a wizard) whilst listening to classical music. we might be cooking spagetti bolognaise, checking the sheep, buying from the butchers, writing a diary, swimming at the local pool (when none of the other kids are there!) , using real money to look at issues of correct change, walking along by the river talking about everything we see, this morning we watched a childrens program on Brunel, whilst I knitted and we talked about local things Brunel made ...etc

we often follow my son's interests.. but within a structure.

whatever works for you and your child.

[mrsflibble]

I want soph to have a fluid approach to education... but I'd also like her to be able to do basic maths, which I'm not good at. I'd have no idea where to start teaching her that, other than to earn along with her I suppose.

[getting there]

That's the one, following dd interests within structure. I don't have the confidence to fully unschool as I worry I wouldn't cover everything.

I suppose basic math is easy-ish. Adding and subtracting could be done with something edible like, '1 raisin + 2 raisins = 3 raisins. What happens if you eat one? how many are left?' I suppose multiplication and division could be the same. '2 groups of 3 raisins = 6 raisins. If we divide those six raisins between you me and daddy, how many raisins do we each get?'

I know I've never been good at math (my school book was full of large red crosses and unconstructive comments from the teachers ) so I'll be learning alongside dd. And I'm pretty certain I'll learn more with her than I've learnt in 14 years of 'normal' school. I'm planning to buy a homeschooling book with 500+ ideas for learning math without doing math, if that makes sense

[mrsflibble]

perfect sense!!


As for stuff they wont remember in a year... how many times have I had to factorise a quadratic equation using this?!


I'll tell you when. once. in 1999.
IN MY FLIPPING GCSE MATHS EXAM!!!

which; due to my maths class being the dumping ground for the year's nutcases (I was in the lowest group for maths; I'm terrible with numbers) had to be taken in a separate room just in case any outbursts from one particular boy disturbed anyone doing the higher papers...
our group was classed as retards by the rest of the year, we were hidden from view when a politician came to visit - again just in case Brendan started up...... need I go on?!

May I just add that despite being shoved in the lowest possible maths group at my school, I have a 133 IQ according to psychological testing done in my second year at uni.

[Annpan]

Well, I have never used that type of equation since my exams either -but I am a bit of a puzzle nut and loved equations at school

I was failed by my schooling. I was physically assaulted as well as mentally abused by a teacher when I was 8, I was told "thats your problem Ann, you always forget" by another, and another teacher made fun of me while I was having a panic attack (I was trying to hide the fact that I could hardly breath by standing up and stretching, during free study time)

So there is no way in hell I would choose to send my child to that.

I have problems with authority and was an unbalanced teenager because of it. I did not do well in my exams, because I was rebelling (I wrote 'wibble wibble, I'm a fish' on the back of one paper and 'everyone knows the moon's made of cheese' on another) -its true, I did

I also have a relativley high IQ but don't have the grades to show it.

And... I am one of the happiest, smartest, and luckiest people I know so just shows you what grades mean anyway.

[getting there]

I had a teacher call the class to attention then get in my face and tell me I was useless and then made me repeat it so the class could hear. My first teacher smacked my hand really hard and shouted a whole lot of mean stuff at me (I done finished my work and started colouring in, the smack and shouting was because I hadn't shown her my completed work). All the way through high school I was told I wasn't achieving at my full potential (even though I was studying 4 hours a day so that I could score 80+%). So yeah I've been let down time and again by the normal schooling system. My younger brother was punished for being left handed and he was born in 1986.

I think last time I was tested my IQ was about 138 I think, so also relatively high.