Selfsufficientish.com

Well, it's not an easy request, but thought I'd ask how you all do it, seeing as the only advice I'm currently getting revolves around cheap wine, nights out and shopping. that's no way to feel better. I was recently dumped in the most cowardly of ways (text message!), and it's been pretty horrific. So i've taken to the following to make things just a little better:

1. Planting excessive quantities of vegetables
2. Drawing up a chart of vegetables planted, progress, and veggies to be planted
3. Borrowing library books with no emotional content, to keep my mind off things (books on economics have been working a treat at 4am when I can't sleep for thoughts of the unnameable!)
4. Making earrings out of scrap material
5. Baking (admittedly, baking a friend's wedding cake probably wasn't the most therapeutic option for this scenario...)

All of this is helping, and far better than getting smashed in a dodgy nightclub, but this isn't going to be an easy one to get over. So, what ishy ways have you used to mend a broken heart?

8. Eating delicious wholefoods you find inspiring/ comforting. I find zingy things like salads with toasted seeds perk me up and Soya chocolate pudding is personanal fave relaxer.

9. Learn to do/ do something you've been meaning to do for ages.

10. Watch an open fire or a group of candles

11. Watch the sea or a waterfall

12. Yoga! I get all scrunched up and small when I'm feeling rotten and stretching helps me take up a proper amount of room in the world again .. and it reminds me to breathe!

13. Make some music or dance to some
Giant ishy hug to you

Oh so sorry to hear that. I know this isnt everyones thing but I do find that exercise does amazing things for my happy levels. Especially something fun like a nice walk/bike ride or swim. Even giving the garden a good digging over makes me feel better.

Failing that, starting a big project that has achievable goals and something awesome at the end really takes my mind off things. Starting a painting (even if you don't paint, just splashing the paint around is lots of fun!), DIY, building a chicken run..

Really sorry you are going through a hard time.

Gem

14 Make a list of all his bad points!
15 Pin a picture of him to a board and throw darts at it - particularly good if it's a full length naked picture
16 Make a list of all the wonderful things you always wanted to do be never got round to doing because you spent time with the looser instead
17 Do all the wonderful things you always wanted to do be never got round to doing because you spent time with the looser instead
18 Make up very creative rude names for him. My ex is now not-so-fondly known as ar*ehole hair - because he's useless and disgusting too!
19 Think beautiful thoughts about yourself
20 Come on here and chat to us

Patented solution for relationship breakup/ general misery:

Stage 1

Drink wine/ something indulgent. Listen to/ play cathartic music. Sing along with no regard for pitch. You don't want anything emotional/ mawkish and you certainly don't want All By Myself (and yes I am ashamed that I've seen Bridget Jones) or Everybody Hurts. You want something witty & feisty where pain is acknowledged but risen above. Elvis Costello always works for me. If you're mad with your ex you could also do John Cooper Clarke, T**t (rhymes with Cat. I'm protecting everyone's sensibilities ). This is the nuclear option, but there is nothing better. I played it practically on a loop in different but also miserable circumstances a while ago,

Stage 2

Create, create, create. Ideally: something that takes concentration, and something where there's a learning curve. That way even while you're miserable you're learning something and you'll be pleased with yourself afterwards, and concentrating on something is very good for you emotionally (or it is for me). I once wrote a novel when I had toothache for a month solid, it was that or put my head in a vice - if you have any similar leanings I really recommend it, it doesn't have to be good, and it is very freeing!

Stage 3

See friends, go out, do different things that you might have always wanted to do but weren't doing for some reason. This is the take your mind off it stage, but go through the catharsis first!

And, - sorry you're having a bad time.

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time.

As already said, plan and do all those things that you wanted to do and didn't cos he was around. How about some charity work to get you out and meet new people? Or an evening class or just walk a neighbour's dog.


Best advice of all though is to spend lots of time with your friends here.

Zoe

Watch tv in bed now you have regained control of the remote control. Don't forget to take chocolate, my preference is a box of Smarties eaten one by one, and lay across the bed, enjoying the space.

If all else fails, stick a flower in your hat and smile, pretending to be happy is contagious

go on holiday - book it / plan it / or just shove the tent in a backback and phone some mates at the other end of the country you haven't seen in yonks

make lots of arrangements - we used to do a monday night dinner where each of us (group of about 6 girls) used to take it in turns to cook on a monday night - nothing spesh, just food and girlie chats

sign up to a course

(I have to confess to doing the shop till i dropped thing with my sis and best mate last time i had a bad break up - it was great! My sis was horrified - you've just spent more than i earn in a month, lalala - i couldnt decide between 2 pairs of boots - i comfy and 1 with heels - so i bought both - still wearing them 6 years on)

and the person who said you have to do the stage 1 catharsis is so right - remember to grieve for everything you hoped the relationship was supposed to be - then make a list of everything it wasn't and a list of what you want from the next one - which will be soooooooooooo much better

I think you're doing amazingly well with all you listed up top. Also you've had much good advice from everybody.

My advice is don't expect too much of yourself or try to do too much.
Sometimes I find it helps when times are tough to do nothing at all, or nothing much useful and just have a jolly good rest.

Not much to add, so much good advice already but I would say try not to be bitter and resentful as it will only hurt yourself. Cherish to good memories and let go everything else.

If you were closer I'd give you an orphan lamb, you be so knackered you'd forget about the ex very quickly sorry that it has happened to you. you can always come here for a bit of friendship

Hello again, I realise my last suggestions were things I think I ought to do not what I actually do ha ha. What I actually do is clean and declutter like a woman possessed! Lots of scrubbing and ripping up of stupid paperwork like junk mail. Spose it makes me feel more in control of something at least.

Like others have said exercise and animals work for me too. Plan to walk a hill or mountain that you'll always be able to be proud of yourself for doing and gives you a focus to keep fit too. Much to my disbelief I managed to drag myself up Catbells in the Laked District once and loved sitting on top in the clouds. Felt amazing though I was down.

xx

[quote="Gert"]If you were closer I'd give you an orphan lamb, you be so knackered you'd forget about the ex very quickly /quote]

oh i wish i could! that sounds like it's definitely do the trick, or at least help a bit!

Thanks for all the suggestions, if anything its just comforting to know that it's not just me. Think it'll be a weekend of friends, taking it easy and sulking. Not quite ready for being angry yet, but when I am I'll definitely be looking up the John Cooper Clark song, finding some darts, and inventing a variety of names!

The best thing at the moment has been coming on here. It's amazing that people I've never met can be so understanding and kind.

Also, to add to the list:

Take real pleasure in not shaving my legs. Ha!

1. Make a new friend.

No one can replace what you lost, though it doesn't sound like you lost anything but excess weight (a text message, really? Cruel Coward!!!).

Find someone in need. It can be an elderly person who is lonely, a new comer to town, a newly divorced/seperated man or woman (just don't interfere with any possible reconcilliations) or if your community has an organization to mentor needy children - volunter. Or just go hang out in a bar and befriend the first weeper you see. There is always someone with a broken heart who needs an understanding friend.

2. Rebuild old relationships.

I don't know what we women are thinking. We get a man, or a woman, as the case may be and suddenly we start forgetting that we have friends! We always lose track of someone or stop going out on girls night (I never did that anyway) or we avoid this one friend who had the annoying habit of seeing him/her for exactly what he/she is (I've done that a few times). Your friends are your friends for a reason. Just apologize for being absent and promise never to do it again with the understanding that everyone of you will all do it again as soon as the next fellow comes along!

3. My best friend would tell you that you need to have a steamy affair.

I've never tried it, but she swears internet chat sex is as good as the real thing without the expense of the latex!

Ummm

1. Run away to the other side of the world...that's what i did, and it worked!
2. I also get tattooed or pierced as soon as its over, its like i change myself in a little way so that when he thinks of me, i'm different!
3. If you're going to bake, make bread! The kneading makes it all ok!

Just one small thing...if you do have a stitch and bitch night, remember the knitters motto: Friends don't let friends knit drunk!